Lilith Langtree’s – Chaos Magic

TG Fiction – Nothing is True and Everything is Permitted

Archive for May, 2010

New story idea. Here’s the Intro.


May 28th, 2010 Posted 20:54

Potty-mouth warning.


I had nothing left to lose. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

The fire that burned eternal in hell had absolutely nothing on the fire of creation. That infinitesimal moment, at the beginning of all that was, when God pointed his omnipotent finger at the void and uttered his words of creation. The phrase wasn’t ‘Let there be light,’ it was, ‘Fuck it, I’ve got nothing else better to do.’

It was that same fire that created the universe that was shoved through me. It wasn’t without cost. I would pay for my escape from my own personal hell, a place where I shouldn’t have been to begin with.

Being resurrected is a tricky thing. It doesn’t really happen all that often. Last time I remember someone actually leaving the mortal plane and returning was a little over two thousand years ago and that was with more than a little assistance from the guy upstairs. The reason everyone and their brother isn’t popping back and forth is because it takes a lot of power. You haven’t heard much from God since then, have you. Two thousand years is to him is like a weekend at Club Med, not enough to really recharge the batteries, but you could still get it up long enough to fuck the chick you picked up earlier when you were lounging on the beach.

There are turning points in history that some of the eternals are able to see, eternals being the god-crowd.

The thing is, they need representatives on Earth. Jesus, is God’s main guy. He’s still around, but he goes by Jesus instead. That’s (Hey-Zeus) for those of you that don’t speak Mexican. He runs a goat-taco stand in Chihuahua. Nastiest things I’ve ever eaten. The man can’t cook to save his life, but can he conjure up a barrel of the best red wine on the continent.

Lucifer’s boy is over in the Middle East at the moment, fucking around in the mountains of Pakistan. Jerk-off.  He was a nobody devil-worshiper resurrected around the mid-thirteen hundreds and had been partying ever since. His original birthday bash was one for the record books; remember the Black Plague?

Me? I’ve only been around about two years. When I died I was a devout Catholic. I said my prayers, went to confession weekly, fed the plate more than I had to when it came around, I was even given last fucking rites by a priest before I bit into the cherry tomato of death. Know what I got for it?

The fucking bureaucratic red tape of limbo.

Everyone goes there after they die, no matter what religion you subscribe to. You wait, and then wait some more. Then after a good long wait, you wait again. You stand around for so fucking long you start cursing anyone and anything you can think of. That used up all my brownie points I acquired on Earth, but it wasn’t quite enough to send me to Hell. So there I was, stuck in nowhere. That was until the Ouroboros came for me.

He, or she, I wasn’t really clear on the whole gender then where the Big O is concerned, told me that I was screwed. Even if I hadn’t cursed God and all his slack-dick angels I’d still be there for half of eternity. I could go to Hell if I wanted. They’d love the chance to have them some holy roller meat to corn-hole every conceivable chance they could. Or I could be His/Her representative on Earth. It was time to even the score a little between his cousins, see?

Ouroboros hangs around the ether, jacking off to succubus porn or something equally as senseless, and for a dragon-snake the size of the North American continent with no visible hands that’s quite a talent. He comes to me and says, ‘Drake, you’re my kind of guy.’ Of course, I hadn’t talked to anyone in close to ten years, so I was licking up any conversation with a spoon.

‘Be my rep,’ he says. ‘And you’ll have real power.’

I’m all uh-huh uh-huh.

All I have to do is keep the balance.

That’s what the Big O is all about, the balance. God had the good, Lucifer the bad and Big O the mid-ground.

See, here’s the thing. Ole Hey-Zeus could give a crap about the good. He got staked to a giant piece of wood two thousand years ago and has had an attitude ever since. He says he was suppose to come back, walk on some water, do a little time, and in a couple of years go to his eternal reward. Dumbass didn’t check the fine print. A couple of years to a thing that exists in all times at once is eternity.

So Hey-Zeus said, ‘Fuck it, I’m buying a goat-taco stand in Mexico, work your own shit out.’

He was around long enough to start his own religion, maybe you’ve heard about it. Then he bailed.

So the only thing good happening in the world is solely done by its mortal inhabitants. In other words the world is fucked.

Lucifer’s boy is all about the evil. He lives for the shit and never gets bored. So it’s up to me to put out the fires and keep the balance.

Oh, you want to know the seriously fucked up thing? Big O is all about balance, right? Well it turns out that I was a nice rich guy in New York when I got accidentally shot in a drive by. Big O says that I have to live my next life (i.e. this one) as something opposite in order to keep the balance. I figure I’ll probably be Black or Mexican, or maybe even Oriental.  Nope, I’m a fucking girl.

Oh yeah, that was hoot and a half, waking up to that shit.

Contrary to what’s in the Bible, you don’t get your own body back. You have to take the body of a person that is on the precipice of death, one that is taking in its last breath. Then its you that is exhaling. Except the body I was thrown in was being choked to death by some perverted fuck as he was banging a fetish hooker. He went too far and killed her.

So, there I am. Newly sucked out of Limbo and dropped into a two-hundred dollar a fuck whore in New York. An extra two hundred and you could choke her as you emptied your spooge inside.

By this time I was seriously pissed off and let the guy have it across the jaw.

Us Resurrects have well above average strength and we can’t be killed in conventional ways. This basically means that I snapped the guy’s neck with the punch.

Well that was my first good deed for the evening to even up the balance.

So, grab three fingers of your favorite rotgut and kick back while I figure out how to squeeze down two years of my new life as a Resurrect into a story that even those Hollywood limp-dicks couldn’t conceive of.


Okay, there is it. I wanted to create a character that would offend just about every person in existence.  An anti-hero for lack of a better term.  Interested?


Posted in Uncategorized

The Assistant (Last Unfinished story, for now)


May 13th, 2010 Posted 14:57

Okay… this story was an experiment. I wanted to try to write an erotic story at first since it had been so long since I had actually written anything along those lines. I wanted it to be something classy and not the usual wack-along one would find at FM or Storysite. I wanted to push the edges of that boundary as close as I could and still be proud of what I wrote. I think its advisable to give you a warning as to the content, so as to not go running for the hills at the first sign of the topic.

It’s about a regular guy who finds out that one of his old friends from high school is into the fetish scene, slavery to be specific. Don’t worry, it isn’t explicit (no whipping, beating, degradation, etc.) He gets his friend out of the scene, but has to deal with how screwed up her mind is at the time, while dealing with his own attractions. It was supposed to be about finding middle ground and acceptance, about helping her become a real person again, but… well, I reached a point and felt disgusted with myself for the direction it was going. I think you’ll see what I mean when you reach the end.

There wasn’t really that much more to the story after that point… a years later scene, with them married and being a healthy couple. Ugh. The story would probably be a candidate for the Romance contest at BCTS, but … I don’t know. Judge for yourself. Again, this is a discarded, unfinished story, but not by much, so you should feel a sense of finality at the end.

A last word of warning. There is a little sex in this, but I’ve read much harder stuff from books I’ve bought at Wal-mart.


I blame my editor. It’s all her fault. Well, not entirely all her fault. It was my stupid brain that came to a complete standstill a third of the way into my latest novel. Is it a shortcoming that I don’t have a totally deviant mind? No, it’s not. I was raised a somewhat moral child. Like any other teenaged male I checked out the girls in school, had perverted fantasies about the six senior cheerleaders and me alone in locker room… normal stuff. So why in heaven’s name was I at a slave auction?


Don’t worry, it’s not for real. There’s a charity involved somewhere along the perverted line. That was the plot for my story. Oh, I’m being stupid; my name is Christopher Jonns and I write under the pseudonym Trevor St. John, author of a popular series of detective books. Except I’m not writing anything at the moment due to a considerable lack of experience in the more seedier side of society.

The last manuscript I sent to my editor was promptly sent back. The accompanying phone call wasn’t pleasant. It lacked reality in a certain area and thus here I am, experiencing reality. Maggie, my editor, set the whole thing up. By contacting a friend of hers in the city, I was the recipient of one invitation to a local bondage club where I was supposed to purchase a ‘slave’ for a week of service.

I could almost feel the bile rising up from my stomach.

If there was one thing I was adamantly against, it was slavery of any sort. Well, that and a thousand other things, but we’re on this topic at the moment.

Everything was for charity and since it was for work, in my case, it was almost all tax deductible through the agency.  So, there was absolutely no reason I could say no. Yeah, I argued the whole ‘having someone in my house that I didn’t know’ angle, but it was shot down.

Maggie dropped off a box load of, how should I say this, equipment. Said equipment would ensure that I wouldn’t be killed in my sleep, and if I felt adamantly against having someone stay in my house then I could release the victim cum volunteer that same night.

My idea? I would purchase this slave, take her home, interview her about the lifestyle, so I could incorporate it into the story and then let her go.

It’s all barbaric sounding, isn’t it? How could you keep all the perverted serial killers out there away from something like this event. It screamed ‘free victims’. That’s another thing. It’s a private party. Everyone knew who everyone else was, or they were vouched for, in my case. Either way, being a newbie in the scene, I had to bring three forms of identification just to get through the door. It was all scanned, nice and neat at the front desk.

“A guest of Maggie Fairmount?” the mid thirties blonde girl behind the counter asked. “How is Mags?”

I scowled. “A pain in my butt.”

She waggled her eyebrows. “She said you’d say that.” Holding up a finger, she bent down under the counter and retrieved a silver hoop about seven or eight inches in diameter. There was a piece of metal hanging from it with something inscribed which I couldn’t read at the moment. “She also said that you wouldn’t think to bring a collar and I was to give this to you. You can’t leave with an uncollared slave.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “You’re joking.” Taking the metal collar in hand I read the hanging tag. Owned by Master Christopher. “You’re not joking.”

“Here’s your bidding pad.” She handed over what looked like a palm pilot. “You’ll find the slaves up for auction are wearing white collars with a PIN number on the tag. Enter the PIN number into your pad and then whatever it is you want to bid. It updates automatically.”

I reluctantly nodded.

“Did you bring anything to change into sweetie?”

I glanced back up to her. “Uh, no. Coat and tie isn’t enough?”

She looked at me like I wasn’t serious, for a second, before laughing. “Oh, they’re going to love you in there.”


Love wasn’t the word I would have used. The interior of the private club was something from the turn of the century, the twentieth, not the twenty-first. A gentleman’s club was brought to mind. The furniture, a dark cherry wood; the armchairs and couches, deep red leather, plush and well worn. The one thing that stood out more than anything else were the occupants.

Leather, latex, and PVC was the theme of dress. I should had known from my research into the lifestyle that wearing a coat and tie to such an event would be considered a faux pas. As was quickly coming to the conclusion that I should hide myself in a secluded corner somewhere, I was approached by a black-haired vision of loveliness holding a tray in her hand.

“Sir, would you like a refreshment from the bar?”

She didn’t look me in the eye, instead she seemed to be focusing on my nose. “Um, yeah. Single malt scotch, neat.”

“Sir, as you please.” She curtsied and spun away.

Her dress matched the deep red of the chairs and couches. It was shiny, but not overly tight across her body. PVC. While I wasn’t one for ogling girls beyond the casual glance of appreciation, I followed her bare legs with my eyes. How in the world could she walk around in heels that high, I had no idea. I had trouble walking properly in cowboy boots on those rare occasions that I was dragged away to some themed party or whatnot that Maggie had arranged for me.

Such is the life of a popular author. I don’t know how many times I had to whore myself out to the general public in order to sell my books. With a sigh I cleared the thought from my head and set about scanning the decent sized crowd.

By using simple deduction, there were three types of people present. The better dressed ones, those who’s outfits looked like they cost several hundred if not thousands of dollars were the owners and buyers. The ones trailing behind or at their knee were their current slaves or submissives for the evening. And the ones walking around, occasionally being manhandled and stared, not to mention sporting the white collars, were the slaves up for auction.

It was enough to drive a rational-minded man to drink.

“Sir, your beverage.”

I turned to see the server had returned. Sitting atop her tray was a glass with two fingers of a nice brown liquid. I sipped at it, experimentally. There’s no tell what brand of liquor they served. Most people wouldn’t know a decent single malt from a blended. I was pleasantly surprised.

“Thank you.”

She curtsied. “Sir, you are welcome. If it pleases you, Sir, I have been assigned to act as your guide for this evening. If you have any questions about proper etiquette, or about any of the slaves being presented tonight, I am at your service.”

That took a small burden off of me. “That’s wonderful. My name is Chris.”

Her eyes widened a little at the appearance of my hand for her to shake. “Sir, I don’t mean to embarrass you, truly. It is unseemly to touch another’s slave without permission from their master or mistress.”

I clinched my eyes shut. Stupid! “Of course. I should have remembered.” The rules were there for a reason.

She held out her hand toward the majority of the crowd standing around enjoying the atmosphere. “Sir, you are of course allowed to inspect the offered merchandise.”

Glancing at where she was gesturing I raised an eyebrow. “Inspect?”

“Of course, Sir. If you would like to direct your attention to the left, you will find a master inspecting the teeth and breast firmness of a potential slave.”

And there it was, some perved-up guy sticking his fingers in a girl’s mouth while feeling her up. Jesus. “Uh, no thanks.”

“Sir, as you wish.”

I nodded and looked away. “I’m just going to browse around for now, if you don’t mind.”

She smiled and curtsied again. “I will be at your disposal, Sir. Enjoy your evening.”

There was nothing more I wanted to do than to buy one of the girls and just get the hell out of the freakshow that I was currently wading in at the moment. So, I took a set in one of the armchairs at the periphery and looked for someone that I could set free at the end of the evening.

Punching several of the PIN numbers  in my pad, I received relevant data as to the going price range of the potential slaves, and was astounded at the numbers I was seeing. Well, Maggie did say it was for charity, and the publishing house would cover the expense.

It wasn’t until the auction was about to end, and I hadn’t made my choice, that I spotted a girl that looked vaguely familiar. She was in the mid-five foot range, with black hair that reached the middle of her back. Her costume for the evening was a latex minidress that hugged her body not unlike a second skin, but that was the purpose of latex. She teetered on high stilted pumps and looked very comfortable wearing them. The mind boggled. The white collar around her neck was the only other thing that she wore.

I tried to get a decent look at her face, but every time I stretched to the side, she turned away a little more. With a sigh, I tossed back my third drink for the evening and stood.

“Your attention please. There is five minutes remaining to enter your bids.”

Checking the pad once more I confirmed the time and looked up to find the girl had disappeared. Dammit! Scanning around without trying to make it seem like I was desperate, I spotted her twenty feet away with her butt being grabbed by a buyer.

I made quick work sifting through the ten or so people until I reached the girl. Since she was currently being pawed, I thought it best to just get her PIN and go from there. Her face turned again and I could only get a halfway decent side view of her cheek, but I did see her PIN tag well enough to gather the needed information. Good enough. I’d buy her, find out if she was actually someone I knew, interview her and then go to bed.

Never again. I’m sticking with simple plot lines from here on out.

The bidding for the girl looked like it was between two perspective buyers and myself. Not wanting to walk away empty handed with the possibility of having to return at a later date, I punched in a fairly high bid above and beyond the other two.

It was a few seconds later that I heard someone behind me cuss. I smiled to myself. I’ve been to professional auctions in the real world. These people were amateurs.

The pad flashed to indicate that one of the bidders had bowed out, and then a minute later, then other did the same.

“Final bids, please. One minute remaining.”


The only people that were left, to my relief, were the new owners. I was presented with a USB flash drive with pertinent information about my new slave. Guh. I was a slave owner. Thank god it was only pretend.

The drive was supposed to contain medical information, past training, habits, and hard limits of the subject. I didn’t have my laptop with me, so that would have to wait until later.

They were nice enough to allow the girls a chance to change into street clothes if we wished. I did. They also retrieved the collar that Maggie arranged for me to use. It was a simple silver hoop, so that wouldn’t stand out in public at least.

I pocketed the flash drive and waited patiently until my research project finished primping or whatever it was she was taking so long in doing.

When she finally came out, her face was downcast and curtained by her long hair. She wore a black track suit or maybe one of those yoga outfits that were popular at the moment, and in her right hand she trailed a decent sized suitcase. Beside her was the lady that took my ID at the beginning of the evening.

“Mr. Jonns, it’s my pleasure to present your new slave. Her name is Michelle. Of course you may change that if it’s not to your liking. Michelle, say hello to your new master.”

The girl curtsied, and cleared her throat slightly. “Good evening, Master.” All of this was performed with her head bowed, so I still couldn’t get a good look at her face.

I leaned forward and grabbed a hold of her suitcase. “Hi, Michelle. Let me get that for you. My car is right out front.”

The hostess smiled at me. “Enjoy.”

Have you ever received a look of ‘I know something you don’t know’? That’s the feeling I got before we left.


She sat in the front seat of my Jeep Liberty, still with her face downcast. It was starting to get annoying, making me bring visions up in my head of her previous master beating her into submission or something equally as repugnant. “Michelle? Are you hurt?”

“No, Master.”

I shook my head, if only to myself. “My name is Chris. I’m not into the scene. Master makes me sound… evil. So if you don’t mind…” I left that suggestion hanging there, hoping she would take the initiative and call me by my actual name.

“As you wish, Master Chris.”

I almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation. “Just Chris, Michelle. No Master, okay?”

“Yes, Sir.”

It was like pulling teeth, I tell you.

When we approached the first stoplight, I brought the car to a stop. “Michelle, would you look at me for a moment?”

I saw her take a deep breath and release it before turning her face toward me. Finally. Tear tracks ran down her cheeks, and her eyes were red. Then I finally figured out why I was having such a hard time ever since I first spotted her. It was because I knew her, almost as well as I knew myself, almost five years ago. The problem was that I didn’t know her, I knew him.

My mouth dropped open slightly in disbelief, but before I could voice my shock, the car behind me honked its horn. The light was green. Through muscle memory alone my feet and hands responded. I looked away and then saw the guy I once knew as Kevin Thomerson look back down.

I was flabbergasted at the situation. Kevin, me and two other guys were best friends all through junior high and high school. Sure Kev was short, never seeming to go through puberty like the rest of us, but he was part of our group. I never once suspected that… this… that he…

“I’m sorry for not letting you know about this before you bought me, Master.”

“Stop calling me that!” I snapped in shock, or anger, I didn’t know which. She flinched away and I heard her quiet sobs, thus I immediately regretted the tone. “Michelle, Kevin, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just… Jesus.”

Popping open the console at my side I withdrew a hand full of tissues and passed them over. She grabbed the bunch and patted at her face. She — god was she even male anymore? Those breasts I saw back at the club sure as hell looked real enough.

Not another word was said until after we arrived at my home. This would be familiar territory for… ugh, Michelle, I guess. It was my parent’s home before they took off on a early retirement to tour the nation in an RV. Popping the back open, I grabbed her suitcase and then opened her door.

“Come on inside, Michelle. I’ll make us some coffee.”

She followed me inside and then stood to the side of the door for a moment before kneeling to her knees with her hands clasped behind her back.

“What are you doing?”

She didn’t look up. “Awaiting your orders, Sir.”

Was she serious? Okay, it seems like I have a little conditioning to break. “I want you to take your suitcase up to your room. Pick one, it’s doesn’t matter. Take a bath and relax. When you feel better, we’ll talk.”

Without any preamble she did as instructed. I sighed and reached for the medicine drawer where I kept the Tylenol. I had a feeling I was going to have an industrial strength headache before the evening was over. The first thing I had to do was take a look on that flash drive to see exactly what the hell it was they did to my old friend.

Once the coffee was set to dripping, I made my way to my office and flicked on the computer.


It was worse than I thought.

The medical file showed that Kevin was in transition from male to female and he was nearly complete. The final cut was all that was left. From what I could decipher, Kevin had been taking some sort of male hormone blocker since he was fourteen and once he was eighteen he’d been on female hormones. His breast development was real, no implants. He’d had a little reconstruction on his face, a smaller, more streamline nose and his chin was shaved a little. Beyond that, everything else was natural.

In my wildest dreams I would have never looked at Kevin Thomerson with anything resembling lust, but the latex encased girl at the club was something else altogether. No, I didn’t perv on her, but I was still quite male and could appreciate how sexy she was in the outfit, and those heels.

The slave training she’d received was considerable, and somewhat disturbing. While I knew a lot about sex, including the alternative side of things, I was still surprised when I found out that Michelle was pretty much experienced in every conceivable act known to fetishism. To top the whole thing off she was severely submissive.

Her previous master even left notes beside each entry describing what to expect. The last part is what bothered me the most.

Michelle is entirely dependent on her Master and is virtually unable to make any decisions on her own. Her devotion to the lifestyle is absolute and will make sure every want and desire you have of her is fulfilled. Treat her well.

My mind was starting to wake up. This wasn’t some one shot deal for charity. I couldn’t just give her taxi money and send her on her way at the end of the night. I actually owned a slave.


I brushed my teeth for the second time, after emptying the contents of my stomach in the adjoining restroom.

“Master Chris.” Her very feminine sounding voice came from the office door.

I froze for the briefest of seconds and spit my toothpaste in the sink. “Yes?”

“What would you like me to wear for the evening, Sir.”

I rolled my eyes and cringed. “Uhh… Do you have anything — god, how do I ask this without sounding like a jerk — anything normal? A robe or something?”

“No, Master Chris.”

Great. “Go to the master bedroom.” No the irony is not lost on me. “Grab one of my shirts for now.”

“Yes, Sir.” She sounded so small and innocent. I’m going to kill Maggie at the first opportunity.

I shut down the computer and headed toward the kitchen. By the time I filled the mug and added two sugars I was almost calm enough to actually speak without fear of making an ass of myself. I brought the mug to my lips and turned around just in time to see Michelle step into the kitchen. It wasn’t the best of timing.

Yeah, I burned my tongue.

Standing there, in one of my thin white button downs was a little angel. Her hair was still wet. Remembering that she couldn’t make any of her own decisions anymore, I suppose I should have added the little caveat of blow drying her hair to my instructions. The tails of the shirt made it to her mid thighs and her little fingertips  were poking out, just past the cuffs. I did notice that her nails were long and painted.

The worst part was seeing my shirt wasn’t the best choice for modesty’s sake. It was thin and her nipples were dark and making little tents, plainly on display. Definitely need to get her some clothes, quickly.

I cleared my throat, trying to act nonchalant. “Would you like some coffee, Michelle?”

Her eyes looked up at me, but did not meet mine. “If it pleases you, Sir.”

Sighing, I set my mug down. Obviously I needed to take a different tack. “Do you still like coffee, Michelle?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Good enough. I poured her a mug and mixed in sugar and milk, if I remembered Kevin’s tastes properly.

“Come on. Let’s go into the living room and we can talk there.”

She waited for me to pass and then followed a respectful distance behind. I arranged a couple of coasters and set the mugs down before sitting in one of two armchairs. Yes, I was expecting her to choose the couch or the other armchair. Instead she knelt at my feet. Feeling anger at whatever led her to do this, I pulled it back into myself.

“Michelle, I want you to make yourself comfortable on the couch and drink your coffee until you are satisfied.”

“Yes, Master Chris.”

This whole master thing really needs to take a vacation. “Let’s set some ground rules, okay.”

She sipped at her mug with what looked like heavenly delight. “Yes, Sir.”

“Okay, first rule. Drop the Master, the Sir, the Master Chris, every term that places you subservient to me. My name is Chris. You know this. Now, can you follow that rule?”

She swallowed, nervously. “Yes… Chris.” I could see how much she was uncomfortable with saying only my name.”

“Good, great. Now, I want you to tell me how you got mixed up in something like this, Michelle. The last time I saw you was high school graduation. I’ve kept in contact with Glenn and Wayne, but you dropped off the map.”

She seemed reluctant at first so I tried to ease the way. “I’ve seen your medical records. You’ve nearly transitioned into a girl. It said that you’d been taking hormone blockers since you were fourteen. You wanted to be a girl all that time?”

She nodded.

I starting grasping at straws for questions. “Did your mom and dad not want to help?”

She shook her head no.

“Did they kick you out?”

No again. “I left.”

From what I remembered, Kevin was holding down a counter job at MacDonalds. There was no way… ahh. “It was the money. You didn’t have any.”

“Just enough to pay for the medication.”

I made the only conclusion that I could come up with. “You sold yourself to pay for the procedures.”

She looked down in shame, not answering me. “My previous master didn’t want a full woman as a slave. When I finished all of the procedures up until that point, he… he sold me.”

I set my mug down and leaned forward. “Michelle, you could have come to me. Hell, you could have come to any of us. I thought we were friends.”

She sniffed. “I was scared.”

Running my hands over my face in mild frustration, I thought about that. She was right. If I was in her position, I probably wouldn’t tell me either. The thing was, Kevin was one of my best friends, and now that he’d become Michelle, I felt so incredibly sorry for her.

“Look, I’m not going to own a slave, okay? You’re my friend, and I’m not going to treat you like you are beneath me. So this is what we are going to do.”

She raised her head a little.

“Do you have enough money saved to finish your transition?”

She shook her head no.

“Fine. You’re going to work for me, as my assistant.” Her eyes widened. It was the first time I had seen her hopeful all evening. “We’ll get you some insurance and make sure that you’re taken care of. This whole slave thing ends here, tonight.”

Now her face fell. Was I missing something here? “What?”

She looked to the side, uneasy, and tried to say something. Her mouth opened and closed again a couple of times. Her hands tightly gripped the mug. You can’t be serious.

“Michelle? Are you trying to tell me that you want me to own you?”

Her eyes flicked up to my face, still not meeting mine. The slight upturn of her lips told me all I wanted to know. She liked being a slave, she wanted to be owned. Leaning back in the chair, I took the mug in my hands and gingerly sipped at the lip. Great, just great.

“Okay, we’ll take this thing one day at a time. I’m sure that regular duties of an assistant are pretty similar. Maybe you can double as a…” I waved my hand in a circle trying to rationalize the situation. “A maid or something.”

Her slight grin turned into a full fledged smile.

I sighed. “No French maid outfits or latex. We’ll go out tomorrow and fit you out into a new wardrobe, and get you what you need to take care of yourself. Okay?”

Michelle sipped merrily at her mug. What the hell had I gotten myself into?


After an hour, I could barely drag any particulars about her condition and needs, so I called it a night. Making sure she was tucked into bed, I turned out the light in her room, directly across from mine, before going through my nightly routine. Twenty minutes later, I turned the light off and tried my best to find a comfortable position in my king sized bed.

Right when I was in that netherland between sleep and wakefulness I heard a very light knock on the door.


The door opened a crack. “Chris?”

I rubbed at my eyes. “Is something wrong?”

“I can’t sleep. I’m not used to sleeping alone.”

I blinked in the relative darkness. Well, I guess it wouldn’t be the first time we’d slept together. There were plenty of sleepovers in the past. “Did you want to sleep with me?”

“If it pleases you.”

I sighed and smiled slightly. “You getting a good night’s rest would please me.”

Michelle slid through the small opening she made with the door. That was when I’d noticed that she wasn’t wearing the shirt I’d lent her. This whole situation was getting stupidly out of hand. Before you’d know it I’ll be wearing leather straps and paddling her butt.

With a small movement of the sheets, she slipped into the bed and scooted over until she was right beside me, doing everything but physically touching me. Feeling her eyes on me, I knew she was waiting for me to invite her to the place that women in my bed normally took.

She used to be one of my best friends. Would you not comfort one of your friends after five years of slavery?

I lifted my arm. “Come here,” I said as lightly as I could. The moonlight sifting through the window let me see a reflection off of her teeth when she smiled.

Two seconds later, I felt her warm, naked, smooth body against mine. A single leg crooked up and over one of mine, tucking her foot in neatly at my calf. Her head rested comfortably at my shoulder and her hand glided over my chest and abs before resting on my opposing hipbone. Everything felt so incredibly good. It had been almost a year since I had been out with the guys, and picked up a girl for meaningless sex. The feeling of her soft breasts against my side was reminding me of that simple and annoying fact.

“Thank you, Mas… Thank you, Chris.”

“You’re welcome.”

We lay there for what had to be about five hours, but was probably more like ten minutes. I had already grown fully erect and I was inadvertently brushing against her forearm. The one time that I actually wished I was small in that area and it was beyond me.

Michelle’s hand centered itself on my abdomen. She knew she was turning me on. It was obvious even to a blind man… or women, as the case may be. I twitched accidentally when the bottom of her hand touched the tip. That was when her hand slid down and I found out exactly how warm her palm was.

Her voice followed in a whisper. “May I please you, Chris?”

My sex drive was screaming yes! However, my head was still relatively in charge at the moment. “That’s not why I invited you into my bed, Michelle.”

“I know that, Chris. I… I want to make you happy.” Her hand cupped me and her deft fingernails scratched teasingly along my perineum.


I couldn’t even get another word out, because her hand moved back up and gripped me lightly, stroking me twice. “I can make you very happy, Chris. Let me show you, please.”

“Okay.” I’m slime, the worst sort of person imaginable, taking advantage of an innocent like this. What I was doing was wrong.

Michelle wasted no time moving under the covers. Before I knew it, I was completely surrounded by the most wonderful warmth I’d ever felt. It was very rarely that I’d received oral from a girl. Usually it was only used as a precursor to the main act itself. But Michelle made this seem like this is what she lived for.

I heard noises from her throat telling me how much she enjoyed what she was doing. Either that or it was how she was trained. Somewhere in the back of my mind I’d hoped that it was the former. Minutes turned into an eternity of delightful feelings that she showed me until I felt that oh so familiar sensation of release approaching.

“Michelle, I’m almost there.” The least I could do was be a gentleman. I would make her… “Oh god!”

Her suction increased and her tongue did something underneath the head that sent a jolt of pleasure up my spine until I released into her eager mouth.

She eased up and drank me into her, gently massaging me in long slow strokes until I was spent. A few moments later and she had resumed her original position at my side, hot and glowing with a sheen of sweat along her skin.

Michelle sighed in contentment while I basked in the afterglow. “Thank you, Master.”

I couldn’t bring myself to complain at that moment. Instead I wrapped my arm around her and made sure that she knew that I enjoyed the gift she gave me. “Thank you, Michelle. That was probably the best… it was the best.”

Her hand ran over my chest and down to my hip before she returned to its place between my thighs, cupping me gently.


That’s how she woke me in the morning. I hadn’t nearly reached any point of wakefulness when I felt her mouth working its magic once more. Well, at least she’s making certain decisions for herself.


By the time she’d returned to my side once more, the sun was cresting and shining its way into the bedroom. “Good morning, Master. What would you like for breakfast?”

Straight to work, I see. “I think you’ve done enough to make me happy for now, Michelle. I can make breakfast.”

She frowned. “That’s supposed to be my job isn’t it?”

I sighed again. “If it will make you happy, go ahead.” Her cute smile returned and she bounce up to kiss me on the cheek. “Thank you, Master.”

I lifted my eyebrow at her.

“Sorry. Thank you, Chris.” She smiled happily at me and virtually bounced out the bedroom door. Then thing was, I didn’t see anything extra bouncing along with her, if you get my meaning. Michelle was completely smooth down below. That puzzled me. I had thought… no, I knew that there was no medical procedure done down there and she even told me that she wasn’t completely a women as of yet. So what the heck happened to… never mind. When she wants to tell me, she’d tell me.


Breakfast consisted as eggs, homemade biscuits, with honey, and plenty of coffee. Who would have thought that Michelle would make a wonderful cook?

I tried to keep from leering at her dressed solely in one of my mother’s aprons. The strap that ran around her neck barely covered her areolas. It was distracting as hell.

“We definitely have to get you some clothes this morning.”

She grinned happily at me. “I don’t mind being nude in front of you, Chris, if it pleases you to look at me.”

I shook the image of her vacuuming the carpet in the nude out of my head. “That’s not the point.”

Her grin increased. “It pleases you then?”

I rolled my eyes at her teasing. “If you are fishing for a compliment, Michelle, there’s no need. You’re a beautiful girl.”

Her eyes kind of glassed up for a second before she got all shy on me. “Thank you, Chris. I’m glad I can make you happy.”

Reaching over, I lay my hand on top of her. “Just being my friend makes me happy. ”

Michelle’s eyes did glass over this time. “May I be excused, please?” I nodded. She was up and out of the room in a few seconds.


My new housemate had a wonderful experience shopping. She felt guilty for making me spend my money on her, but I insisted she get anything that caught her eye. That was one of the big things I liked about being a bestselling author. Money wasn’t really an issue.

We went home and emptied the Jeep, before heading out again to the local Target to buy her necessities, and one stop at a medical supply store for surgical adhesive, whatever that was for.

When I noted that she didn’t have any shaving equipment, I was informed that she’d already had that taken care of. She’d never have to shave ever again.


Michelle nodded. “Laser removal. I highly recommend it.”

My eyebrows bunched together. “For whom? Me?”

Her laugh was infectious. “If it pleases you. Lots of masters have their hair removed. It makes wearing fetish outfit’s a lot easier.”

Again I didn’t understand. I was kind of getting annoyed that I didn’t get half the stuff that was coming out of Michelle’s mouth, because I was so inexperienced.

“If you try to put on or take off a latex outfit, it’ll rip a lot of hairs out in the process. Liquid latex is almost impossible to take off. It’s almost like waxing. So, a lot of people into the scene just have their body’s lasered or electrolysis.” She grinned at me kind of playfully. “Plus it’s sexy.”

I shrugged. “On a girl like you I’d have to agree. On a guy like me.” I gave her that ‘not so much’ tone. She disagreed.

“I think you’d look hot like that. Not that you don’t already.” She blushed. “There’s just a lot more you can do with a smooth body.”

“A lot more? Like what?”

“Well,” she paused for a second and then her eyes sparkled. “If it pleases you, I can always show you.”

I almost laughed, but I knew she was serious, by her tone. “Uh, I don’t think I’d like to have all of my hair removed by a laser, no offense.”

Michelle giggled. “I mean, when we get home, I could shave you and we could play a little.”

I glanced over at her. A hopeful look was on her face. “Michelle, I don’t expect you to feel indebted to me. I don’t want that. I want you to feel free to tell me to take a hike if you want. You’ll still be my assistant and I’ll still help you any way I can.”

“Thank you, Chris.” Her lips twitched to the side with amusement. “May I shave you when we get home and show you some of the things I was speaking of?”

In one ear and out of the other, I swear.


When it came to being nude in front of me, Michelle didn’t have a care in the world. She loved showing off her female body, and she loved catching me staring at times. Now me, on the other hand. The entire time she was working on my arms and legs, chest and other, more sensitive areas, I was red as a beet.

I wasn’t like Bigfoot or anything. I was just average hairy. After each limb or other area, she rubbed in some lotion she said that would help make sure that I didn’t get razor burn, then she’d tease me mercilessly. Her body constantly brushing up against me was keeping me at full mast. It was almost imperative that I try to get my mind on something else.

Since she was sitting on the edge of the bathtub working diligently on my last leg, I could see between her legs a lot better than I could this morning. Something definitely didn’t look right.

“Do you mind if I ask you a personal question.”

“You may ask me anything. I have no secrets from you, Master.” She cringed and looked up at me. “Sorry.”

I tried to look annoyed, but I think I was failing miserably. “I know you haven’t had your final procedure yet, but…”

She followed my eyes down to her crotch. “Oh, it’s still there, just tucked away with the surrounding skin glued in a way that gives a decent illusion.”

“Glued? Is that what the surgical glue is for?”

She nodded.

“Doesn’t that hurt?”

“I’ve been doing it for years now.”

I winced at the thought of tucking and gluing myself like that. “How about when you get hard.”

She smiled at me. “That doesn’t happen anymore. The female hormones I’m taking have side effects.”

While I’ve seen the afternoon talksploytation shows on TV featuring transsexuals and even read up a little bit about them online, I never really thought about them all that much.

“When did you know?”

“That I wanted to be a girl?” She paused for a second to rinse out the razor she was working with. “I guess pretty much always. I mean I didn’t really understand anything until it was almost too late.”

Giving her a quizzical look, she explained further. “I was fourteen and desperately in love with two of my three best friends. I thought I was just gay. I knew I was different for a long time before that. I just didn’t know how. Then you went with Stacy O’Keefe to homecoming our sophomore year. I saw you two dancing and I wanted so much to be in her place, dancing with you.”  Michelle looked away with a wistful smile. “That’s when it hit me. I didn’t just want to be in her place. I wanted to be her. I wanted her body, her breasts, her long legs and thin waist. I want to wear that horrible lavender chiffon dress she was wearing.”

That was the first time that Michelle met my eyes, for the briefest of seconds. “I wanted to be a real girl so that you would dance with me. A week later I did a lot of research and found out how to acquire certain drugs that would stop my male body from developing any further than it had.”

I looked her over from head to toe. There was absolutely no way anyone would mistake her for anything but a pretty girl. “I’d say mission accomplished.”

“Thank you, Master.”

“Michelle,” I groaned.

“I’m so sorry. I can’t help it. It’s how I see you. It’s how I want to see you. I’ll stop. I’ll try harder.”

Leaning toward her, I nudged her chin up to see her eyes going glassy. “Why does it mean so much to you?”

She sniffled a little before trying to explain. “When I am owned, it’s like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. The only thing I am concerned about is my master and his pleasure. Cleaning house, cooking, making sure he doesn’t have to worry about anything at home. That’s my job, my life. He provides for me and makes sure that I am in good health. Real life and real troubles go away and my world revolves around him.  It’s what I’ve always wanted.”

She looked back down and finished the fine hairs on the top of my foot.

“Was your life so bad that you had to hide away like that?”

I got a shrug in response. “I was interested in the lifestyle at first. I didn’t just jump into slavery. But the more I learned about it, the more I loved what I was doing. When I finally made the decision to go twenty-four-seven, I didn’t look back.”

Michelle rinsed my foot and the dried it before applying more lotion.

“Okay, last question for now.”

She looked up expectantly.

“You said you were in love with two of your best friends. I am taking it from your mentioning the dance and Stacy O’Keefe that I was one of them.” She nodded. “Who was the other?”

“Wayne.” This time she did blush a little.

“So I’ve got competition?”

Her smile split wide and bright at the implication. “Nope. We didn’t work out so well.”

I blinked in shock. “You and Wayne?”

She nodded. “When I was still Kevin. Just once. He took my virginity when we went camping in November, our junior year.”

I couldn’t help it. My mouth dropped wide open. I slapped my forehead. “Sometimes I amaze myself at my ability to go through life with blinders on. That’s why he has a ‘roommate’.” I threw up air quotes for emphasis. “Hold on… why didn’t it work out if…”

“Wayne prefers to be a bottom. With the pills I was taking, well, I couldn’t really keep it up at the time. And I’m about as bottom as a girl can get.”

This I understood. Top and bottom, pretty much self explanatory, giver and receiver, respectively. “Okay, well, that makes sense I suppose.”

Now that Michelle had totally finished with her shave-job of my body, she knelt between my legs and gazed hopefully up at me. “May I occasionally call you master?”

How far the moral have fallen. When I looked down at her eyes, I knew I couldn’t deny her something as simple as a nickname for me, even if it was abhorrent to me, as long it made her happy. A wispy thought flickered in my head as to who was actually the master and slave in our odd relationship. I’d found myself doing and saying things that would have never occurred to me before, all because of a friend in need who was becoming more important to me with each passing hour.

“In private only. Never in public without permission.” I barely got that out before she bounced up and hugged me tight around my neck. “Oh, thank you, Master.” I was rewarded with a dozen kisses all over my face and another hug before she pulled back gazing longingly at my lips.

She licked hers and I watched as her breasts actually heaved. I know, romance novel cliché, but there you go.

Bringing my hand up behind her head, I let my fingers sift through her soft hair and pulled her lips to mine.


Well into the night, Michelle showed me how having smooth skin was a bonus. It wasn’t until late the next morning that I awoke alone in bed that I knew that I was totally and irrevocably screwed. Just two nights in my bed and I realized I was addicted to her. My once male friend choosing to forgo a normal lifestyle in order to be with me.

It didn’t start out that way, I suppose, but it’s ending that way. Was it the sex? Had it just been too long and now that I had a willing, or better yet an eager partner, I had given in and now participated in her unhealthy fantasy life?

My brain argued each and every point I made. Who’s to say what’s normal? I had sex, well close enough, with a guy. I was gay. That was quickly countered with, ‘If she’s a guy then I’m Stephen King.’

Perhaps, if I make sure she gets herself involved with some therapy, then I could justify having the thoughts that were no more alien to me. Maybe I should join her.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and listened intently as I heard the vacuum cleaner off in the distance.


After my morning routine, I donned only my bathrobe and made my way through the house to find Michelle cleaning away in my office with the most wonderful attitude about her. She seemed genuinely happy. This wasn’t an act, because she didn’t even know I was there. I had half of my silly fantasy being played out for me at the moment and I didn’t want to break the spell. She moved back and forth throughout that room, vacuuming away, in the nude. No heels. Maybe next time.

It wasn’t until I saw her click the machine off before I realized that she had spied me. Bouncing over to me, with the exuberance of a pre-teen in the body of a adult, she hugged me.

“Good morning, Master. Isn’t it a beautiful morning?”

She pulled back and I looked at how radiant she appeared. “It is indeed.” I kissed her and all thoughts of confusion seemed to leave my mind. Maybe this is exactly what I wanted. Maybe Michelle was exactly who I wanted. “You know if you keep not dressing like this, I’ll never get any work done.”

Her eyes sparkled with merriment.  “I could always go out and get that French maid’s uniform that you were admiring at Fredrick’s yesterday. Some five inch pumps to go with it, maybe?”

I felt her hand find its way through an opening in my robe to something that was poking her in the stomach. “Would you like that, Master? I could dress up how ever you want. We could do anything that you want.”

My eyes closed in response to her touch, the hypnotizing sound of her voice, the feel of her lips at my neck. The robe opened and Michelle rubbed her smooth body against mine as she worked her was down and I felt her mouth on me once again. This time it was different. It was daylight and there were no covers. The office was well lit and she was kneeling before me with her mouth full of me.

I opened my eyes and looked down. Her stare burned into me. She finally met my eyes again and it was enough to leave its presence felt deep within before she broke away and concentrated on pleasuring me.


I set the phone down after the conversation with my accountant. Michelle was officially added to the payroll as my personal assistant, an account would be set up in her name for her checks go to. I had a strong suspicion that she would refuse if given the choice, but this way if something were to happen to me, she wouldn’t be penniless, having to rely on others for her well being.

Once I found her original psychiatrist’s name, amongst her medical records, I set up an appointment for a few sessions. It was obvious that I was becoming wrapped around her finger already and I desperately wanted someone impartial to see if there was a way for her to become a little more independent. Years of being a literal slave had to have done some serious psychological damage to her, which I wasn’t equipped or qualified to handle in the least.

Lastly was an appointment with her doctor. If Michelle wanted to become a woman then I would see that it happen. She suffered enough in her life not to have what she truly desired.

A light knock came at the door before it opened. “Master, your lunch is ready.”

I really wish she would wear something. Constantly seeing her nude was making it increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything beyond, ‘wow’. “Thank you, Michelle. You are joining me at the table this time, I hope?”

Her head dropped a little, with a simple smile. “Yes, Master.”

Rising from the chair behind my desk I crossed the floor and gave her a kiss on her forehead. At breakfast, I had to stop her from eat her breakfast from a plate on the floor beside me which didn’t include any utensils whatsoever. The depths of human depravity amazed me sometimes. It was pitiful watching her mildly frustrated at eating with a fork and knife.

There were some things that I would be willing to bend on, like the nickname of Master, but eating off of the floor was unacceptable. Michelle would become human again if it killed me.


“I’ve made appointments with your old psychologist and current doctor. I want you to go ahead and finish up what you started if that’s what you want.”

She stopped in mid bite, halting her fork in the air halfway to her mouth. “Do you mean the SRS, Master?”

I nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

She set her fork down and a strange look came over her face. “It’s is, almost more than anything.”

Looking down at my plate, I became a little sheepish. “Well then. That’s decided.”

The next thing I knew, Michelle was crawling into my lap, laying her head on my shoulder. It still surprised me how small she was.

“Thank you, Master. Thank you so much.” She sniffled, and then after a few seconds started sobbing.

Having had enough of this I picked her up, as I stood, which was with little effort. Carrying her to the living room, I sat in the recliner and gently rocked her in my arms while she let go with whatever ghosts were haunting her.

We both nodded off after a short time, and I was awakened once again by her fondling me. I smiled and shook my head. “Is that all you think about?”

Michelle giggled. “All I think about is your pleasure.”

Capturing her lips with my own, I gave her a deep kiss. “You can think about your own pleasure once in a while, you know.” I looked down her body for a moment. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

She shook her head. “I don’t… I can’t have orgasms anymore.”

That sounded really off to me. “Seriously? I thought that transsexuals could still…”

She shrugged. “I guess, but I haven’t had one in a couple of years.”

My eyes went doubtful. “Have you tried? Did your previous master even touch you or were you only for his pleasure?”

She frowned and lowered her head. “When I started getting significantly smaller, he lost interest. I’ve been a house slave for the last couple of years. He had another that satisfied him in bed.”

I couldn’t believe it. There was no way that… I mean, she was… Jesus, I can’t even think in complete sentences anymore.

“Well, we’re going to change that.” I swallowed, a little nervously at where my thoughts were leading me. “Can you, um, free yourself down there?”

Michelle’s eyes widened. “Master, you don’t have to do that. There are other ways.”

“Other ways.” I pondered that thought for all of two seconds before figuring out what she was talking about. “Oh, you mean back there.”

Michelle smirked a little and nodded. “And my nipples are very sensitive too. The last time I achieved orgasm was that way. I’ve tried using a dildo while I masturbated, several times, but that didn’t work. That’s why I don’t think it’s possible anymore.”

Frank talk about sex, outside of boys being boys, always embarrassed me, but Michelle talked about it like the conversation topic was the dinner menu. So I lamely tried to be as frank. “Well, I want you to be equally as satisfied. Whatever you think might work. I’m willing to try my best.”

When I looked directly at her eyes I could see she was watching me, but looked away, not letting us connect. “Michelle, look at me.”

She brought her eyes up, but I could tell she was looking at my forehead or the bridge of my nose, but never directly in my eyes. “No, I mean look at me, at my eyes.”

Finally focusing on me, I sighed. “I always want to see your eyes. They’re very pretty.”

“Thank you, Master,” she whispered.

Running my hand down the outside of her thigh, I enjoyed the padding of her hip for a moment. “Now, why don’t you show me how I can make you feel as good as you make me feel.”

She nodded. “I’ll need to go cleanse myself first, unless you’d like…”

Oh eww. “No, go right ahead and cleanse away. Um, anything I can do in the meantime?”

She thought about it for a moment. “Are you sure this is what you want to do, Master? I know how you feel about my previous lifestyle, but there are certain things that turn me on that you might not like.”

I braced myself for the worst. “Such as?”

Michelle stood and held out her hand for me. Once I was up, she led me upstairs to her unused bedroom and the suitcase sitting on the bare dresser.

“My previous master was very conscious about assigning toys to each slave. So when he sold me, he wanted me to take the ones that were used on me. He would buy new ones for any new slaves he bought in the future.”

Having seen the fetishes that Michelle had been train in, I was afraid to even look.

“I’ve used all of these a number of different times. If it would please you, then choose any that you would like to try with me.” She unzipped the suitcase and opened it. After moving a few things aside she withdrew one of those old fashioned enema kits and smiled up at me. “This will take me about fifteen to twenty minutes, Master.”

Reaching up on the balls of her feet she kissed my cheek and smiled at me before disappearing to the hallway and into the bathroom next door.

It was like a suitcase full of sex. There were some things I’d never seen before and didn’t have a clue as to their purpose, while other things were self-explanatory. The phallic shaped devises were obviously used for penetration, but some of them were oddly shaped, curved and short, long and bumpy, thin at the tip and extremely wide at the bottom.

I shook my head at the variety.

Then there were the restraints. Cuffs of different sizes, leather harnesses that boggled my mind. A handball with a single strap coming out from either side. Hey, a paddle; I know how to use that! Although the thought of hitting Michelle didn’t do anything for me, in fact if anything, it would have the opposite effect of turning me on.

With a swallow of resolution, I picked up the suitcase and brought it over to the bed so I could spread out the toys by category. Don’t ask. Okay, I’m a little anal, and considering what I’m about to do to Michelle, that’s probably a good thing.

It took the rest of the time she spent in the bathroom for me to organize everything properly before she joined me in the bedroom. She seemed a little surprised at what I was doing.

“I wanted to …”

Michelle set her hand on my arm and gripped it lightly. “It’s alright, Master. I understand.” She looked over what I had done and saw the pattern. “I see the anal toys are here, some of the restrains are there, the nipple toys are there. What’s this pile?”

I smirked and almost laughed at myself. “Those are the ones I didn’t know.”

She raised her head back and smiled. “I understand. Well, Master, let me show you.”

She picked up a couple of handfuls of leather harness and unfolded it. The smile on her face was naughty, like she knew something I didn’t know, which was obvious. Once she had it unfolded, she stepped into the harness and brought it up over her hips and through her arms.

Oh! Her torso was crisscrossed with leather straps now. She did up the clasp at her neck and centered two silver rings over her nipples so that they were proudly displayed. “Do you like this, Master?”

Truth? Oh yeah. It was like something out of a magazine.

Her eyes dropped to my obvious erection tenting my robe.

“I guess you do.” She picked up a large silver J with a ring on the end. “This is an anal hook. The curved end goes inside me and you would tie off the long end in my hair. I’d have to braid it first.” My eyes widened in confusion and she set it back down. “Maybe some other time.”

“This,” she picked up a leather sheath of some sort with straps on the open side. “Is an arm binder.” She turned around and clasped her hand together in back of her. “Just slide it up my arms.”

I took the thing and did as she instructed. “That’s good. Now feed the straps around and secure them to… yes, perfect.”

That looked like it hurt having her elbows virtually touching. “That doesn’t bother you?”

She turned around. Having her arms secured like that made her breasts stick out and her nipples were very hard. “No, Master. This is one of my favorites.”

I shrugged a little. “Okay.” After taking it back off of her she set it aside.

“One last thing if you don’t mind a whole lot?”

Well, in for a penny and all that. “What’s that?”

Michelle gestured to the bed. “That black ball with the straps. It goes in my mouth and secures behind my head.”

I blinked. Okay. “Um, how will you tell me what to do?’

Without any accusations, she asked, “Master have you ever made love to a woman before.”

“Yes,” I replied dryly.

“Same thing, but with me, you can be a little rough. Since I’ll be gagged and helpless so that you can satisfy your every whim, I can’t use a safe word. So if I shake my head back and forth really hard that means I need to stop because I’m hurt or you are pushing me too far.”

“Are you sure about all of this. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Michelle closed into me and kissed my chest. “Master, I want you to hurt me a little. I want you to pull my hair and pinch my nipples until I scream. I want your hard cock in my tight little ass. Paddle me if you like.”

I cupped her face and saw how she was looking up at me, with all the trust in the world behind her eyes. “Do we need all of this?”

“It’s the only way I know how to orgasm now, Master. If that is what you’d like. If it is your pleasure then take all of it off and I will submit to whatever you want me to, plain vanilla if you prefer. I know I cannot orgasm if at the bare minimum these items are used. I still might not be able, but at least I will have tried the best way I know how.”

I bent down a little and grabbed her face for a soul searing kiss. We stood there for minutes until I heard her make little mewing noises in my mouth. Backing away, I looked at her wet lips and her chest heaving with rapid breaths, so I grabbed the gag and wedged it in her mouth. I heard her sigh with relief when I fastened the buckle behind her neck.

She led the way into the bedroom and I spotted a couple of new additions on the nightstand. A couple of towels and a jar of something, probably some lubrication of some type. She won’t be the first person I’ve done this to. I knew at least that much.

Michelle started to get up on the bed, but I stopped her. I wasn’t about to just jump in and plow away. It was a wonder she couldn’t have an orgasm if that was what she was used to.

A little foreplay was in order. Since her mouth was currently occupied, I started at her neck, tracing kisses and nibbles along both sides. The light scent of leather entered my nose when I moved down to lick at her protruding nipples.

She moaned a little behind her gag when I bit down slightly on one and tweaked the other between my thumb and middle finger. My lips made a seal around that same nipple and I sucked on it until her areola was swollen through the steel that circled it. Moving to the other I teased her and bit down a little harder this time.

Michelle’s breathing increased and she was almost constantly moaning and writhing under my hands and mouth.


Without thinking twice, she dropped to the bed and looked at me under half closed eyes. “Spread your legs.”

I grabbed a hold of her knees and scooted her closer to me so that she was barely sitting on the bed. I closed down my mind and gave her attention between her legs. I bit along her thighs and then followed that with my tongue, soothing the light red marks I was giving her.

Once I was where I normally was at this point with a woman, I inspected exactly how she accomplished the ‘hiding penis trick’. Ahhh, that’s how. If I looked very carefully I could see the very tip trying to poke out where a genetic woman’s entry hole would be. The rest was secured with the surrounding skin. Very ingenious. So I gave it a lick.

That brought a whole different sound from Michelle’s mouth. Deep and raw was the noise that she emitted. I looked up at her and her eyes were wet with unshed tears.

“Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head slightly.

I smiled. “Did that feel good?”

This time her head nodded quickly.

“Would you like me to do it again?”

Tears fell from her eyes, falling down her face when she nodded a second time. I really hated that gag. So, I reached up and unbuckled it, pulling it from her mouth.

Michelle worked her jaw for a second. “Master, what’s wrong?”

“No gag. I want to be able to hear you. I want to know exactly makes you feel good.” She pursed her lips for a second. “And I want to kiss you.”

I ate hungrily at her lips as I ran my fingers through her hair, pulling her to me.

“Master,” she whined.

“Michelle hush. Do you want to please me?”

She nodded.

“Then listen to me. If I’m going to eat your pussy properly then I need you laying down.”

Her eyes widened and she giggled a little at my language.

“You can keep the harness on if you like. However, I want you… wanting, for our fun right now.”


I put a finger to her lips. “When you fully become a woman, do you want me to lick you down there? Would you like it if I spent some time rubbing your clit and fingering you until you squirm and beg me to fuck you?”

While I was saying this I was caressing her breast, but at the end I pinched her rather hard.

“Oh god, yes!”

I kissed her again. “Then let me give you a preview of what it’s going to be like.”

Easing her back, I kissed her again. “Just relax and think about how much fun it’s going to be after you are complete?”

I didn’t waste much time going back over what I did before, but I did spend a few seconds on her breasts before kneeling between her thighs again. She didn’t smell like a girl would, which was a plus at the moment, because she just smelled fresh and when I gave her a long lick from back to front it just tasted like skin, nothing funky.

Not that I’m a prude or anything, obviously, but sometimes a girl didn’t take care of herself like she should. Michelle was quite different in that regard.

The one thing I’d have to say about this particular arrangement was that everything was in reverse. The sensitive nub was in the rear of her slit, which actually made teasing her that much easier.

This time I was able to clearly hear her as she groaned at my agile tongue. I wondered if this was a transsexual thing, that maybe the skin between her legs was extra sensitive or something. From my own experience I know that I like having it licked, but it didn’t bowl me over like it’s making Michelle sound.

I gave extra special attention to the bottom of her slit because I knew that was probably the most sensitive area. She was right, she never got hard, but I’m here to testify that she was able to produce some sort of fluid, probably precum.

“God, Master, I need you inside me, please!”

Who am I to deny the wishes of my lady?

When I pulled back I grinned at her. “Like that did you?”

She scrambled for the jar of lubrication, fingering a big glob and reaching behind her to apply it. Her eyes fluttered for a few seconds at the attention to herself. The remains of the lube was spread over my hard cock. Then she was up on all fours like a flash, staring at me with a pleading look.

I shook my head. “Nuh-uh. On your back. Trust me.” I swear the girl had gymnastic talent. She flipped around and the bed bounced at the speed. A second later I was between her thighs again positioning myself at her entrance.

She wasn’t as tight as I thought she would be, which would have been like a fist, but she was more than perfect for what we had in mind. Slowly I eased into her, and I watched the expression on her face as a guide, never letting her wince once.

Michelle’s eye were closed as she was taking in the sensory input of the whole experience. Her jaw worked open and pulsed a few times wider and wider until I was all the way inside her.

”Michelle, look at me.” Her eyes snapped open and she stared at me solid and strong. “How do you feel?”

Her legs closed on me and rose up while she smiled. “Full.”

Posted in Uncategorized

Alexis (Another abandoned story)


May 11th, 2010 Posted 19:32

Okay, here’s another one that is unfinished, and will stay unfinished, but is up for adoption if you want it. Ame rules apply.

The reason this one is abandoned is because I got disgusted with it and realized I was just rambling away at the point it stopped. I also realized that I had no real goal except for the “everyday living” story, which I am tired of. I like conflict in my stories and the lack of it shows. Anyway, this one had a working title of Alexis.


Have you ever had one of those nightmares where you can swear that everything you experienced was real? Maybe it was the kind where you and your best friend that you’ve known forever were in a teen nightclub, squirreled away in the corner. You wanted to ask her to dance but because you’ve known her since you were babies and your parents were best friends with hers, you didn’t want to screw the pooch and make an ass out of yourself? Maybe, in that very same nightmare, the kitchen in that very same club had a gas leak. Maybe it ignited and blew up half the club.

Maybe you saw that your best friend was unconscious, maybe dead, and you had to drag her to safety. Maybe right when you made sure she was outside and the paramedics took her, you realized that your chest was bleeding. A lot of maybes, right? Two more, then I promise I’ll stop.

Maybe you pop the buttons on your shirt to discover that there was a piece of metal sticking out of your chest. Maybe it was then that you died.


I swear it was a nightmare. I knew it the moment that I woke up in bed covered in sweat. It was so incredibly real. The smell of smoke, and burning bodies was still fresh in my mind. What I wasn’t sure about was if I was still dreaming or not.

The room I was in was my best friend’s, Alexis. Don’t let her hear about me calling her that. She prefers Nikki, or even Nichole as a last resort. She always hated her first name so she used her middle name instead. There were so many times I had to listen to her curse her mother for naming us alike. I’m Alex, Alex Nicholas. Funny, right? That’s what happens when two cheerleaders insist on going through high school together, college together, insist on living next door to one another, and getting pregnant together. Well, not exactly together, not at the same time, anyway. Two weeks apart, but they planed it. I swear.

My mom even went so far as to have the doctor induce labor when she found out that Nikki’s mom went into labor. As a result, Nikki and I have the same birthday, born ten hours and thirty-nine minutes apart. I barely made it, according to my mom. Dad makes so many jokes about how mom was bound and determined to squeeze me out as if the fate of the world was balancing on that particular event.

Where was I? Oh, right, Nikki’s room. That was really strange. I mean, we used to spend the night at each other’s house when we were growing up, but ever since Nikki started getting boobs, that tradition ended.

I didn’t understand it at first, well not even a year later, until I started growing hairs where there were none before. Then I got it real well. That’s when my life started becoming a lot more complicated.

See, Nikki has a really, really, really bad self-esteem problem. She hates her body, always thinking she was too fat. When she lost her baby teeth the adult ones grew in crooked, so she got braces. Her hair was a mousy brown, straight, flat, and lifeless. She always wore sweats that were way too big on her. When she sneezed, she would make the highest pitch ‘choo’ sound like five times in a row. And last but certainly not least she had, according to her, the worst laugh.

What she didn’t realize was that I thought she was perfect. I can’t stand girls that are rail thin, and she wasn’t lard-o fat in the least. I liked her hair. It was really soft and always smelled really good. The braces thing sucked, but I knew they would be coming off at the end of the month, so that was already corrected. And I thought the way she sneezed was the cutest thing in the world. “Choo, choo, choo, choo, choo.” It brought a smile to my face whenever I heard it. Her face would wrinkle up and she’d hold the back of her fingers against her nose.

Two things made me fall in love with her, above all else. The first was her laugh. It was so full of life. There was no teensy giggling, or chuckling. It was a full blown screaming laugh every time. That and her eyes. They were the prettiest fluctuation of hazel/green/gray that I had ever seen. If she would let me, I would probably just stare at her eyes all day.

Yeah, I’m crushing big time. She was my best friend and maybe one day she’d be my girlfriend. That is if I could ever get the nerve to tell her how I felt. I’m such a coward.

God, there I go again, off with the pixies, as my mom always calls it. I’m her ‘little dreamer’. Annoying, right? She was a cheerleader, what can you do?

Anyway, Nikki’s room. What the heck was I doing waking up in there?

The pounding in my head made me not want to open my eyes again, but the pressure in my bladder told me I didn’t have a choice if I didn’t want to ruin Nikki’s bed. Keeping my eyes closed, I pulled my arm out from under the pillow and tried to wake it up. Don’t ask.

Fine, drag it out of me. I always slept weird, with my arm under my head, where it cuts the circulation off. I always wake up with one dead arm. While I waited until the pins and needles thing ran its course I noticed certain things felt off. My legs were kind of itchy. I rubbed them together and they scratched against each other.

I frowned.

Reaching under the covers I went to rub my inner thighs were it felt the weirdest and for some reason I found that my leg hair was gone, and someone had replaced it with stubble.

Hey, I was a seventeen year old guy, I could kind of shave. I knew what stubble felt like, sort of.

Shifting in bed, my whole body moved like it wasn’t supposed to move. Things were there that weren’t there before I fell asleep. My eyes snapped open as I lifted the sheets up to see what was wrong.

Everything stopped in my little world. My breathing, any noise I could make in my throat, the birds stopped singing outside Nikki’s window. Then the world went on fast forward.

Faster than I could blink, my hands went to my chest. Oh god, they were real.

I may have bit my lip too hard, because I could taste a hint of blood in my mouth. Slowly, I released my injured lower lip and a breath shuttered out of me, along with a girlish sound of disbelief. Covering my mouth a split-second later, I stifled a panicked scream. Yep, that was definitely a girl’s scream.


This time I didn’t bother with the whole hand covering my mouth thing, because when I turned to see who called out my name, there was Nikki, sitting on the bed. The only thing about it was that she wasn’t exactly all there.

I rolled to the side and fell out of bed. Luckily, I landed on all fours, but unluckily the bed was very tall and the sudden jarring of those tremendous mounds on my chest hurt!

“Shhh! Be quiet! Mom’ll hear.”

The something that looked like Nikki, jumped off the bed and ran around to where I was scrambling.

Spinning around, I fell onto my butt and pushed away, until I was nestled into the corner. “Go away, this is a nightmare. I’m still asleep. Wake up!”

The thing that looked like Nikki shushed me again. “You gotta be quiet, Alex. Give me a chance to explain.”

My hands clenched into fists, digging my nails into the palms. Oww! Opening them, I glared at the fingertips. Some of the nails were long, definitely longer than I remember mine, just the night before, while others were jagged and broken. I glanced back up at the Nikki thing. She was dressed like my best friend was at the club last night, but she was dirty. Her face was smudged,  clothes black in places, but the worst thing was that she was transparent. I could clearly see through her at the bed. This had to be a nightmare.

“Listen up, Alex Nicholas.” She only called me that when she was mad at me. A natural reaction to her anger was to freeze in place. “We were at the club on Friday. There was a gas leak and it blew up. You managed to drag me out the front door. I was dead, but the paramedics revived me. You saved my life, but…”

I blinked rapidly. My jaw quivered.

“They don’t know how you did it.” Transparent Nikki swallowed, with a pained look on her face. “Something from the club stabbed you in the back… all the way through. Alex… you died.”

“No, you’re wrong,” I whispered.

Her eyes widened and she gave me her, ‘are you stupid’ look. “Okay then. How do you explain being in my body? Hmm?”

I was afraid to look down, but I did anyway. My knees were tucked up under my chin. Well, they would be if the gargantuan breasts weren’t in the way. “Your boobs aren’t this big. That’s how I know.”

Her mouth opened a little and she rolled her eyes. “Yes they are. Why do you think I always wear baggy clothes and tight sports bras?” She turned around and pointed at her dresser mirror. “Go ahead, look for yourself.”

“No.” Okay, I was scared spitless.

Nikki’s anger went away and a look of compassion fell upon her face. She kneeled beside me and moved into my line of sight. “You chose this, Alex. Come on, you have to remember something.”

“I what?”

She sighed and then sat back. “Look, you’re going to have to believe me. This is going to sound really weird.”

I almost laughed. “Weirder than having these?”  I said as I pointed at my chest.

An eyebrow quirked up and she shrugged. “Okay, look. When I died, in the club, I popped out of my body. I watched you grab my arms and drag out. Which, by the way, thanks. You were great.” She smiled at me like I’ve always wanted her to, lovingly. “The paramedics took me and started doing CPR, needles, those electro-paddle things, but in the meantime you were standing there.”

I grasped my hands together while I was listening to her story.

“I waited looking at my body and back at you, hoping that they could get my heart restarted. Then you got a weird look on your face and started opening up your shirt.”

The dream. I remember that part. “I was bleeding.”

Nikki nodded. “You remember?”

Nodding slowly. “I remember dying.”

“Yeah. The second you hit the ground, you did the same thing as me. You popped out and were standing right next to me.”

I shook my head. “I don’t remember that.”

She nodded. “Fine, I’ll tell you what happened. But first you have to start getting dressed. Mom will be up here doing her whole concerned mother thing again, and I’m getting really sick of it.”

It was then that my body reminded me that I needed to do something. “I gotta pee.”

That stopped Nikki right in her tracks. “Oh, right.” She took a resolving breath. “Well, let’s get this over with. You’ve got a lot to learn. Might as well start with the basics.”

Impending dread welled up inside as I awkwardly stood. I swear the tugging on my chest was making me think that I had fifteen pound weights attached in the form of… never mind. If I actually called them by their proper name then that means I’ve accepted this, and for right now I was still hoping this was just a really realistic dream.

“Grab your robe off of the chair. You’ve got a teenage brother now, and he loves trying to see me naked, the little perv.”

The robe relieved the naked feeling I was going through, but the way that the shiny fabric was sliding across my body was making me really self-conscious. “Is it supposed to be this short?”

She smirked at me. “Yes, it’s a perfect fit.” Pointing at the dresser she said, “Open this drawer here.”

I tied off the accompanying belt and did as she told me. It was her panty drawer. Oh wow. I always wanted to see this. No man’s land. Forbidden territory. Girls panties. Oh crap.

“Get the blue boy shorts. I think that’s about your speed for now. We’ll work up to the other stuff later.” She snapped her finger. “Come on. Mom’ll be up here any second if she doesn’t hear you moving around from downstairs. Open the drawer next to it.”

I grabbed the indicated panties and opened the other drawer.

“Matching sports bra… come on,” she said with some encouragement. “Now close the drawers. We’re not barbarians.”

Nikki walked me through one of the most embarrassing times of my life: peeing and the proper way to wipe after, showering, which I thought I knew how to do, but apparently girls do that different too, wrapping my hair up in that stupid towel turban, brushing with braces, applying body lotion. When I was layering it over my legs, she bent over and noticed the stubble that was bugging me in bed.

“We’ll, deal with that tonight.” That was ominous.

I pulled on the panties, and donned the sports bra. Oh god, much better, although it was kind of tight.

“I think it’s time for another fitting. When are those things going to stop growing?”

I blinked into the mirror as I looked at the squished boobs. “They’re still growing? How big are they?”

She shrugged in an annoyed way. “Last measurement was thirty-four Dee cup, that was about eight or nine months ago. I swear, I’m getting mom back for these stupid genes… well, I guess that’s your job now.” Nikki looked sad at that thought, but she shook it off. “Okay, come on. Get your robe. Back to your room.”

I opened the door and there was Nikki’s little brother leaning up against the wall, ogling me. I jumped, startled, and grabbed at my neck to close the robe even further.

“Who were you talking to in there?”

I glared at him. “None of your business, pervert. And quit spying on me.”

“Whatever.” He brushed past me, into the bathroom and closed the door.

“Told ya.”

Safely ensconced in Nikki’s room, I followed her over to the walk in closet. “It’s supposed to be hot today. Grab that tank and that blouse. Oh and lose the robe, come on. Breakfast is going to get cold.”

I hung the robe on an empty hanger and slipped on the tank top, which didn’t quite make it to my navel. “I think it shrunk.”

Nikki shook her head. “That’s the way it’s supposed to fit. Remember hot today. Now the blouse.”

It was like a half shirt with long tails in the front.

“Button the bottom two and then tie it into a knot under your breasts.”

I flinched when she reminded me about the flesh-like watermelons on my chest.

“Embrace it Alex. The sooner you do, the sooner you can accept your new life.”

I glared at her. “You aren’t the one with all the new equipment here, Alexis,” I snapped back. Whoops. It happens when I get mad at her. I call her by her hated name.

Nikki balled up her hands and set them on her hips, while she gave me murderous eyes. She pursed her lips and then sighed, visibly trying to control her anger. “Okay, I guess I deserved that. Look, I’m trying to help you out here, Alex. I can’t stay here with you forever. They’re only giving me a month.”

“Who? Who’s they?”

She winced. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. Crap. I can’t tell. It’s against the rules. Suffice it to say that I’m here to help you through the rough parts. Nobody can know that you’re really Alex in there. As far as anyone knows, you died outside the club saving me. Now tie off the ends and put these capris on.”

I dried my hair, with Nikki’s supervision and then slipped on her selection of simple sandals. Thank god I didn’t have to wear heels or anything stupid like that.

Having virtually grown up half my life in Nikki’s house, I knew my way around very well. Mr. and Mrs. Bradbury were literally like a second set of parents. I called them Mom and Dad just like Nikki did with my parents, so it was with no difficulty that I did so again that morning.

“Morning Mom.”

She grabbed me into a furious hug, smushing the things on my chest even more.

“Oh, my god. When is she going to stop doing that?”

I eyed Nikki over her mother’s shoulder, rolling her eyes. “She’s been like this for the last three days. Every time I turn around. She won’t let me out of her sight if I leave the house.”

“Morning sweetie. Did you sleep well?”

Nikki jumped in. “Tell her you did, quick.”

I nodded when she released me. “Yeah. Fine.”

“No more nightmares?”

Well, yeah. Big one this morning. “No, if I did then I don’t remember.”

She smiled. “Doctor Barrington said that it was perfectly normal, under the circumstances. Don’t be afraid to tell me if you did. We can go see him today if you want.”

A quick flick of the eyes to Nikki and she answered my unasked question. “He’s your shrink. Mom insisted that I get therapy.”

“Uh, no. I’m cool.”

She cupped my cheek and brushed an errant hair behind my ear. “You’re so brave. My little angel.”

Oh brother. “What’s for breakfast?”

She smiled at me. “Your usual. Cup of oatmeal and half a grapefruit.”

Ugh. Mom turned around to finish up stirring the oatmeal while I gave Nikki the hairy eyeball.

“I’ve been dieting.” Turning around and heading to the table, I whispered, “When aren’t you dieting?”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “You’ll soon find out exactly how hard it is to be thin.”

“Nikki, you’re perfect as it is. Did you see the girl in the mirror this morning?”

“Did you say something sweetie?” Mom asked.


“Tell her you need some new bras.”

“Do you think I could get some new bras. The ones I have are too small.”

Mom’s eyes widened. “Again?”

I shrugged.

She brought over a really small bowl of oatmeal and a saucer with a funky spoon on it. “You remember what the sales lady said last time. If you got any bigger, they’d have to special order the extended cup sizes.”

Maybe it was the whole being a girl thing, but I almost lost it. “It’s not like I asked to have gigantic breasts! God!”

Mom flinched away from me. My eyes started to burn and I felt my throat tighten. I had to get away, back to the safety of Nikki’s room. Pushing away from the table I ran to the stairs and lost one of my sandals along the way. Halfway up I kicked the other one off and made a mad dash to the room before slamming the door.

Before I knew it, I was on top of the unmade bed crying into the pillow.


“You have to remember that you’re a girl now.”

I scowled at Nikki. “Kind of hard to forget, hello.”

She ignored my barb. “You’ve got whole different types of hormones running through your body. It’s going to make you a lot more emotional.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“And you did ask for this, just so you’ll know.”

Nikki was lying beside me, her head on the pillow next to me while we faced each other. “You’re not kidding are you?”

Her lips thinned in a regretful smile. “Nope. You ready to hear the rest of the story?”

I nodded.

She swallowed and then stared right into my eyes. “There we were, standing over our bodies.”

How weird must that have been?

“The paramedics where zapping me in the chest so nobody saw you fall at first. Something happened, which I can’t tell you about.”

She slapped her head. “That’s why you can’t remember! Duh!”

Knowing she wasn’t going to tell me what it was I just gave her an arched eyebrow.

“Sorry, I know it’s got to be a pain in the butt. Anyway, I have to move on. Remember the month time limit? So, you were given the choice to move on with me or go back. At first you said you weren’t going anywhere without me, which was sweet, by the way.”

My face started heating up with embarrassment. “Oh my god, I’m so cute when I blush. You never told me that.”

Ignoring the way my ears were joining in the party I waved my hand for her to continue.

“I didn’t want our parents to be totally heartbroken. I mean losing both of us at the same time like that…” She sighed. “So I told you to go back. I was reminded that you’d have to take my body since yours was too hurt at the time. So I let you make the choice.”

“And I said yes?”

She nodded. “You did manage to talk…” she growled in frustration. “You said that I had to come along for a little while so that you would know what to do. Not being a girl and all. So here I am… for a month… well, minus three days anyway.”

I let that settle into my head for a minute or so before asking my next question. “So once I make sure everyone is over my death, in a month, then I get to come with you?”

Her face changed right then. She was content. I’ve seen it a number of times, so I’d know. Reaching out her hand, I felt a cool brush of air along my cheek. “You’ll go on, Alex. You’ll live your life like you were supposed to.”


“No buts, mister. You saved my life, maybe killing yourself in the process. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. So, you get to live your life. It’ll be a little different, well, a lot different, but still.”

I shook my head. “Why can’t you take it back? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Because it’s my choice.”

“But it’s your body.”

“It’s still my choice, and I choose to give you the same thing that you wanted to give me, to do the same thing that you did for me. I love you, Alex. How can you take that away from me?” Nikki wasn’t accusatory toward me; she genuinely wanted to know why I would do something for her and not allow her the chance to do something for me right back. “Who would you prefer living, you or me.”

“You.” I didn’t even have to think about that.

“Exactly. So I choose you.”

Our philosophical argument would have to wait for a moment because the bedroom door opened after a very light knock. “Nikki?”

I turned over and looked at Nikki’s mom. “Yeah?”

She entered and very tentatively walked over to sit on the bed next to me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said to come out like I was blaming you for growing up.”

Her eyes were red. I could tell that she’d been crying too.

“It’s my side of the family’s fault anyway. Bad boob genes.”

I sat up and gave in to the overwhelming desire to hug her. “I’m sorry too, Mom. I’m just…”

She engulfed me and rubbed my back. “I know, sweetie. We’re all overly emotional right now. Death does that.”

I sniffed and rubbed at my nose. She didn’t know the half of it.

“Why don’t you go splash some water on your face. We’ll go to the mall to get you fitted properly so they can order you up some new bras, okay?”

“Score!” Nikki said as she pumped her fist in the air. “Now’s a great time to hit her up for some new outfits too.” I scowled at her before Mom pulled away.

She looked down at me. “Have you lost some more weight?”

“Yes you have. Seven more pounds,” Nikki confirmed.

I nodded.

Mom looked like she was going to say something negative, but held back. “We might as well do a little shopping. Summer’s almost here, and I don’t want you looking all frumpy anymore.”


I’m not going to go through that whole short shopping spree that resulted in two outfits, and an order for six bras. According to the sales lady at the Hanes outlet store, I was now a thirty-six F-cup of which they had one on hand. So, now I was sporting an actual bra that lifted, separated, and put on display to the entire world that I was sporting teenage fun bags. What else would you call them? Breasts just aren’t normally this big. But they did feel a heck of a lot better than the tight sports bra I was wearing before.

I was almost comfortable.

When we got back to the house, there was a note on the door from my real mom, saying that she wanted to talk to me when I had time.

“You feel like talking to her? I could call her if you want and tell her …”

I shook my head. “No, I want to. It’s cool.”

“You’re sure?” asked Mom.

I nodded. “Would you mind dropping my bag off in my room?”

She leaned over and kissed my cheek. “If it gets to be too much just come straight home. I know that house holds a lot of memories for you.”

“I’ll be fine, Mom.”

On the way next door, Nikki caught up to me. “You sure you want to do this. You’re mom is not in the best of conditions right now.”

“You’ve seen her?”

She nodded. “While you were still out of it, I could use your body or be a ghost whenever I wanted. Now I can only use it if you’re sleeping. I checked up on her and your dad… it’s not good.”

“Well, all the more reason to be here then.”

I was about to open the door when I thought it might be better to ring instead. You never know.

“I made the right choice.”

Glancing Nikki’s way for a second, I said, “About what?”

“You’re the better person. You should be the one that lives.”

“Nikki, you’re not a bad…” The door opened and ended the conversation.

“Nichole, hi.” Mom looked terrible. Her hair looked like she hadn’t washed it in days. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot doesn’t even begin to describe the redness in her eyes.

“Hi, Mom.” I fidgeted for a second before she stood back and let me enter.

“Thanks for coming over.”

I nodded. “No problem at all. You can call me anytime and I’ll drop whatever it is… ERP!”

More hugging.

It was obvious that she was putting on her good face when she opened the door, because it was back to weeping she went as she was trying to tell me something.

“You are the sweetest, and most caring girl in the world. No wonder Alex fell in love with you.”

My eyes bugged, and Nikki’s bugged right along with me. It might have comical if the situation wasn’t so sad. Nikki stood there all slack-jawed. So I had to cover the situation. “He told me on Friday.”

Mom pulled away, trying to smile. “He did? I was reading his diary…”

It’s not a diary, really. It’s a journal.

“… said that he couldn’t build up the courage.”

I bounce my eyes between Nikki and my Mom. Screw it, it’s not like I’m around, in my real body at least, to be embarrassed about it. “Let me make you some tea and we can talk about him if you want.”

Mom gushed and grinned so wide. “You wouldn’t mind? Curtis refuses to talk about Alex. It’s like he’s trying to forget about him already.”

I knew my dad. He was the atypical, show no emotions, let nothing ever bother you male. He was hurting, but he had to be the man. “I’m sure he’s just dealing with it in his own way, Mom. I know he loved Alex just as much as you did.”

Taking her hand I led her to the breakfast table while I fetched the tea and heated several cups worth of water. This was definitely going to take a while.

“Tell me about Friday.”

Straight to the point. I checked to make sure she was armed with a box of tissues before looking at Nikki. Her eyebrows were already up. “Yes, Alex, tell us about Friday.”

Maybe I could sneak some vodka in with the tea. That would make this a lot easier.

“Uh, well, we went to the club, but on the way over we stopped and got pizza.” Lie! You’re a big fat liar Alex Nicholas. Lying to your mother, bad boy… girl… whatever. “I wasn’t expecting to eat anything, but I knew something was up by the way he was acting.”

Mom was holding a tissue over her mouth and nose. Just holding it there.

“He held out my chair for me and I definitely knew something was up.”

Mom smiled a little. I could see her eyes crinkle up. “He must have been so nervous.”

“Anyway, uh, we ordered and then he spilled the beans.” My eyes ticked to Nikki who was leaning up against the wall, looking at me with rapt attention. “He told me how long that we’d been best friends and that he wanted to see if there was anything more that we might explore. Then he told me he loved me.”

It was awful. I know. I’m not a poet or anything. I suck.

“That’s awful. He was so poetic in his diary.”

I closed my eyes and thought about Nikki. “I fell in love with your eyes at first, I think. They change color in different lights. Did you know that? Or maybe when you wear something bright or dark. You never liked your weight, but I think you’re perfect. Who wants a girl that when you hug them it hurts because they’re boney? You smell so good, all the time. You’re my best friend, but it’s not enough, because I want to be around you even more than now. I want to wake up next to you and tell you how beautiful you are in the mornings so that you’ll be happy.”

I took a deep breath.

“I want to hold your hand and have all the guys around us be jealous because you’re with me. I see how much you don’t like things about yourself, Nikki. I want to be the one to tell you all the time how perfect you are, so that you won’t ever have to think bad about yourself again. I love you.”

Opening my eyes, I saw my mom looking at me in surprise. “That’s what he told me. It was just… personal.”

Tears were running down her face again, and I was too nervous to look at how Nikki was taking the news. The whistle to the kettle was starting to blow, so I excused myself.

“Is that how you really feel?”

I jumped and caught myself before spazzing out. “Yes,” I whispered.

“Oh god, Alex. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

I heard my mom blow her nose.

“Because I didn’t want to risk losing you if you didn’t feel the same way.”


We reminisced for a while about things that Nikki and I shared that Mom didn’t know about, things that I wanted her to know and never told her. Once we had that out of the way, she invited me to my old room. She was sure that I owned a few things from my previous visits and would want them back.

When we entered, I remembered that I’d made my bed that Friday morning, but it had been slept in since then. I didn’t realize how much my death had affected her. Dad wouldn’t be sleeping in my bed, so it had to be Mom.

Looking over at Nikki standing in the doorway, I could see the sympathy she felt for my Mom. “Um, do you mind if I use the bathroom?”

Mom shook her head and turned to me. “You don’t have to ask, Nikki. This is your home as much as it was Alex’s.”

On the way out I gestured for Nikki to come with me. Once we were in relative privacy I spilled. “I’ve got to tell her, Nikki.”

“Tell her what?” I could see that she already knew, but that she had to actually hear it from me.

“That I’m in here. That I’m actually alive,” I whispered. “This isn’t normal.”

“You can’t do that. It’s against the rules.”

“What rules?” I snapped. “Whose rules? You can’t tell me and I’ve had my mind wiped by someone or something. So those rules don’t apply to me.”


“Did I agree to not say anything?”

“Well, no, but…”

“But nothing. That’s my mother in my room, dying. I’ve never seen her so bad, even when she had that miscarriage and was told she couldn’t have any more children.”

Nikki looked back at the door for a second in silent contemplation. “I don’t know what…” she growled in frustration. “I don’t know what will happen. I have rules that I have to go by. I can’t break them, but I don’t know if you can, since you don’t remember anything.”

I made for the door. “I’m telling her. Maybe knowing that I’m alive, even if I’m a girl now… maybe it will do some good.”

She wouldn’t give me any ascent, and she’d tried to talk me out of it, so maybe Nikki wouldn’t get in too much trouble from whoever was in charge.

When I got back to the room, Mom was brushing her hand over some of my academic awards from school. She was so pale and worn looking. “Mom?”


“I need you to have a seat. I want to tell you something.”

She gave me a curious look, but sat on the bed. I’m sure I appeared really nervous and indecisive about where I wanted to start. So, Mom being Mom nudged me along. “Did you and Alex have sex? Is that what you want to tell me?”

My eyes bugged. “What? No.” Okay I can see where she might make that assumption. “No, this doesn’t have anything to do… well, it sorta does.” I shook my head and started over. “I want you to ask me something that only you and Alex knew about. Something that he wouldn’t tell me.”

Now she was confused. “Why would you want me to do that?”

“Humor me for a minute.”

She blinked and looked away for a minute until she could think of something that I wouldn’t share with Nikki, which in reality probably wasn’t much. “Okay, in your closet, behind stacks of several comic books…”

Oh god, not that!

“… is a gray box about this big.” She mimed a square about two feet apart. “What’s inside?”

I looked over at Nikki and her apparent interest. “How did you know about that?”

My face was heating up with embarrassment.

“As much as I trusted you two, a parent’s job is also to make sure that their child isn’t involved in anything illegal like drugs or whatnot.”

I facepalmed and tried to picture Mom going through my things in search of pot.

“What in the box, Alex?” Of course Nikki was really interested now.

“Women’s clothes, underwear, pantyhose.”

“Did you give them to Alex?”

I shook my head. “No, they’re obviously not my size. Alex was a lot bigger than me. He bought them with his allowance money.”

“You bought women’s clothes?” I glanced at Nikki’s confusion. “Why?”

“Ask me something else, Mom.”

Now she was looking at me with a little more than curiosity. “How did I find out about Alex being in love with you?”

Why is it that she can only thing of the mortifying things in my life? I sighed. “I was… Alex was practicing kissing with is pillow and you saw him.”

“Awww, that’s so cute,” replied Nikki. “Now tell me why you bought women’s underwear.”

Mom was kind of shocked. “He told you that?”

I shook my head. “One more. Just to prove my point, please.”

Mom’s eyes thinned like she was trying to figure out how I knew these embarrassing things. “Okay, what was the last website Alex visited before you two left Friday afternoon?”

Of course, the topper to the whole thing. By this time my face was beet red and my ears felt like they were going to exploded into flame. “A fiction website where people write stories.”

“What kind of fiction? What was the theme?”

My eyes ticked over to Nikki. “Transgender, crossdressing.”

Alright, I think Nikki has finally put all the pieces together. “You’re a trannie? Then why are you giving me such a hard time about having breasts!”

“Now tell me how you knew,” Mom demanded.

“Because I’m not Nikki.”

That wasn’t what she expected to hear.

“When Alex and Nikki died at the club, our souls got mixed up and I got sucked back into hers when the paramedics revived her.” There, that should do as a plausible story that didn’t implicate Nikki or the afterlife in anything but broad metaphysical terms.

“You’re saying that you’re Alex?”

I nodded, and she reached over for the phone laying on the bedside table. “Who are you calling?”

“Your mother. You obviously need to see your psychiatrist, Nikki.”

“Oh boy, here we go.” Complained Nikki. “This is why you don’t tell regular people about body swapping.

“Be quiet, you aren’t helping,” I snapped.

Mom, looked at me in surprise and then over to where I was staring. “Who are you talking to?”

“Nikki. She’s standing over there. Put the phone down, Mom. I’ll prove to you that I’m Alex.” I jumped up and went to my dresser and dropped to the floor in front of it. “Look.” I pulled out the bottom drawer all the way out and set it aside. Reaching into the hidden false bottom, I withdrew and handful of panties and dropped them to the floor.

Scooting over to the other side I did the same thing, but this time I withdrew a USB flash drive. “Here’s all the crossdressing stories I’ve ever written along with some downloads of my favorite authors.”

“Nikki, Alex could have shared those with you.”

I got to my feet. “Are you kidding. I was horrified of her ever finding out. It would kill any chance I ever had of getting together with her.”

I froze for a second. “Oh I know. Nikki go stand over there and tell me how many fingers she holds up behind her back.”

She waved me off. “That’s braking the rules. I can’t do that.”

Mom actually looked, but turned back to me when I growled at my best friend.

“She says it’s against the rules and won’t do it.”


I glared back at my mother. “What else can I do? Ask me something, anything. Oh, um, Nikki didn’t see you before we left on Friday. You were wearing your Cheap Trick concert t-shirt and black shorts that day, and Dad was grumbling about having to eat vegetable stew because you wanted to lose a little weight before our summer vacation.”

Her eyebrows jumped a little at that.

“Now why in the world would I ever tell Nikki about something like that?”

I almost cheered and probably would have jumped in the air if it weren’t for the fifty pound cantaloupes on my chest. She was starting to question herself!

“And… and.. Uh, come on, think!” I berated myself. Aha! “What about what I hear every Saturday about eleven at night when you thought I was asleep?”

Mom went into a little panic mode herself.

“Your name for Dad during those times is…”

“Stop!” Mom held her hand up. “It’s impossible.”

I shook my head. “Mom, I’m standing right here. Sure I’ve told Nikki about a lot of stuff, but you can’t think for a second I would tell her about things like this. That’s private family business.”

“But how?”

Leaning up against the dresser, I stuck my thumbs into my Capri’s. “I saved Nikki’s life. It was her time to move on, but it wasn’t my time. I’d hurt myself too badly getting her out of the club. They couldn’t use my body anymore so they stuck me in hers. I’m Alex, Mom.”

Seeing the hope on my mother’s face almost made my outting as a former crossdresser worth the embarrassment. The problem was that she used her brain too much. It kept fighting with her. I could tell she was trying to reason it out too much.

“What can I do to prove it to you?”

She stared at me for the longest time, but in the end she looked down, shaking her head. I pursed my lips and left the room. The annoyances on my chest bounced as I went down the stairs and into the kitchen to the utility room. After grabbing a large trash bag I headed back upstairs to my former room, and straight into the closet.

I moved the comic boxes to the side and pulled out my box of clothes. Flipping the top open I started to empty the contents into the bag.

“What are you doing?” Mom stood at my closet door staring down at me.

“I’m getting rid of anything that would make you and Dad ashamed of me. I don’t think Dad would take his son being a crossdresser very well. This way he doesn’t have to know.”

It really wasn’t that much. The nerve and guile it takes for a teenaged boy to go out and purchase his own girl clothes was enormous. That pretty much tells you how much I went out to buy panties, bras, and a couple of outfits for his imaginary ‘sister’. Buying them during Christmas season quelled the odd looks I’d receive, a little. Brothers just don’t buy underwear for their family. That was hidden under a totally  separate excuse for a separate trip. This one was a imaginary game of, Treasure Hunt or Truth or Dare.

‘Yes, miss. They dared me to go out and buy some girls underwear in my size in an attempt to embarrass me. Well, they’re going to lose this game.’

“Is there more?” she asked.

I shrugged. “A few things.” The semi-sad look on her face let me know that she really didn’t want any more bad revelations for the day. “Mom, I wasn’t a pervert. I just liked the way the clothes felt. It didn’t make me gay or anything.”

“Being gay doesn’t make someone a pervert.”

With a great sigh, I sat back on my heels. “But you’re disappointed in me all the same.”

“You could have…” She stopped and shook her head. “Alex could have come to me and told me about this.”

“Really?” I asked with some doubt in my voice. “Mom, I’m a crossdresser. Could you maybe share some makeup tips with me? You and I both know the stigma surrounding being different in this way. It’s perfectly fine for girls to dress however they want, but for a guy?”

I took another handful of clothes and stuffed them into the bag before standing up and moving a quilt aside to retrieve a pair of women’s shoes that I had barely worn. Nikki was sitting on the bed now, well within view of where I was standing, with a contemplative thought on her face.

That was it for the closet. I dragged the bag out into my former room, next to the bed. Opening up the draw to the nightstand, I withdrew a tube of hand lotion and dropped it into the bag.

“I used that to masturbate with, by the way.”

Mom’s face tightened. “Why are you doing this? Are you trying to hurt me on purpose?”

I shook my head. “No, not at all. I was hoping, that by telling you that I’m still alive, that you might not feel so bad. I might not be living with you anymore, but I’m still me inside here.” My breasts got in the way when I tried to tap my chest. “God these things are annoying. How do you stand it day after day?”

“They can be quite nice…” She stared at me and my reaction to touching myself. Her face paled even more than was usual since I had been back. “Alex?”

What? Being annoyed at wearing boobs was the tipping point for her believing me? She stepped forward, but caught herself at the last second and stopped.

“It’s me, Mom.” A small idea came to me. “Here’s something else. I don’t really feel comfortable with everyone calling me Nikki when I’m not really her. It’s kind of… disrespectful, I guess. Could you call me, Alexis?”

There, if that wasn’t proof beyond measure then I didn’t know what was. Nikki, really hated her first name. I mean really hated it. She actually had plans to have it changed legally when she reached eighteen. Nobody called her Alexis that didn’t want to feel her wrath.

Nikki had her own opinion on the subject. “I can’t believe you’re going to do that? I was named after a character on Dynasty, a really lame eighties soap opera. You suck.”

I glanced at her annoyed expression. “It’s your name, get over it.”

Mom’s head moved back and forth between the apparently empty bed and me. “Is she really…”

I nodded. “She said that can’t believe that I want to be called Alexis and that I suck.”

That was it. The final straw that broke Mom’s reality resolve. In the span of a second I was scooped up into her arms and squeezed so tight that my ribs hurt, not to mention my boobs. They were squished up against my mom’s and sorry, but that’s just gross.

“Mom, you’re hurting my boobs.”

She giggled and gave me one last squeeze before releasing me. Fresh, happy tears was trailing down her face this time. A genuine smile graced her face. I won’t go so far as to say that she looked good. The bags under her eyes and her splotchy face prevented that, but at least she was smiling again. I had the feeling that she was going to be alright.

Mom looked me up and down. “I swear that I can’t tell the difference. You look just like her.”

“I am her, Mom. This is her body. My soul or mind, whatever it was that made me who I was is inside here now.”

I think the weight of what I said finally leaked its way into her brain. She almost dropped to the bed and jerked her hand away when Nikki didn’t move out of the way fast enough. When my best friend touched me downstairs, it felt cool, temperature wise.

“Damn it!” Nikki swore. “She’s not suppose to touch me.”

I took advantage of the mistake as best as I could. “You just felt a cold spot, didn’t you.”

Mom snapped her head to me. “Was that…”

I nodded. “She’s standing right there, kind of ticked off too. There are rules that she’s supposed to follow. Not touching people that don’t know about the afterlife or whatever is one of them. You weren’t suppose to feel her.”

Mom ignore where I was pointing. “You’re really alive.”

I smiled. “Yeah. And I’m a girl.”

She took a breath and released it with a grin. “Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing. Your mother is a girl.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do. But shouldn’t you be happy? I mean with the …” She gestured to the bag and the clothes within.

“I’m a… I was a crossdresser. While I may have fantasized about what it might be like to be a girl on occasion, I didn’t actually want to be one. I was happy with who I was.”

“Alex, you might want to call Mom and let her know everything is okay. She’s probably worried.” I nodded to Nikki and reached for the phone and hit the speed dial.

“Hold on a sec. Nikki wants me to let her mom know that things are cool.”

Mom nodded and watched me.


“Hey Mom. Just wanted to let you know that Alex’s mom is doing better. I’m helping her go through his things in his room so I’ll be here for a little longer.”

“Are you sure you want to do that, Nikki? I don’t think she’d mind if you want to put it off for a while.”

“I’m cool, Mom. It’s giving us a chance to talk.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“I am.”

“Call me if you’re staying late, okay?”

“I will.”

“I love you sweetie. You’re being very strong.”

“I love you too.”


Nikki took off to go see what her mom was doing. I think she was just bored watching me and my Mom going through my room.

“So, you’re not going to disappear or anything are you?”

I snickered a little. “No, I think I’m here to stay, or at least as much as anyone is.”

She opened up a fourth garbage bag for my old clothes that I suggested she donate to charity along with the little bit of my girl clothes. “Have you made any plans for the future?”

I paused typing in my password for the hidden stories on the computer that I was going to erase. “Uh, no not really. I just woke up this morning.”

She turned to me. “But, who was at the funeral?”

“That was Nikki. She was covering for me until I woke up. Apparently she can enter me when I’m asleep.”

“Oh.” I was getting the feeling that Mom was a little overwhelmed with all of this metaphysical stuff. “Well, you need to think about what you plan on doing.”

After deleting several folders I turned around in the desk chair. “What do you mean?”

“You’re a girl now, Alex… Alexis.” She smiled at the name, just a little. “That means your worldview needs to change along with it. You’ll need to realize that women don’t act like men. You are going to be able to do things and not do things that men do.”

Oh, good point. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’m not near as strong as I used to be.” Looking down at my chest I rolled my eyes. “And these things are attention getters.”

She nodded. “You’ll need to find a clothing style that you are comfortable with. I know that Janice wasn’t always happy with Nikki covering herself up all the time.” Janice is Nikki’s mom, in case you haven’t figured that one out yet. “She took care of herself, but she wasn’t one to really be boy crazy.” At that statement, Mom smiled. “Have you given any thought to dating?”

My mouth dropped open. “Uh…”

“You’re a girl now. That means boys are going to be interested in you.”

“I think I’ll deal with that later, if you don’t mind.”

She nodded. “I’ll give you a week then we’re sitting down and having the talk. You can’t go to Janice since she’s already done this with Nikki.”


“Plus you’ll need to know what to do about your period. Do you have… what’s the matter?”

My face was frozen in fright. I hadn’t even thought about having a period.

She clicked on what I was currently freaking out about. “Alexis, it’s all very natural. It’s part of being a girl. Don’t worry, Janice said that Nikki always had light periods ever since she started on the pill.”


“Birth control pills. Nikki had irregular periods, sometimes skipping them all together. The pill helped regulate them, and it has the added benefit of  preventing pregnancy. But I’d hope when you decide to have sex that you’ll insist he wear a condom as well. STD’s are still out there.”

Sex with guys? “Mom, you said a week.”

She shrugged. “The conversation segued. Get used to it darling. Girls talk about sex just as much as guys, and you don’t want to look out of place with Nikki’s friends when you go back to school.” She looked up, hopefully. “You are still planning on going to State aren’t you?”

Frankly, I hadn’t really thought about it much. Nikki had a partial scholarship to the university about ten miles north of town. “Uh, I guess. I’m going to have to change majors though. All I know about Computer Science is located on my laptop. Nikki was the brain in that area.”

Mom nodded. “So, I’m guessing English major?”

“Yeah. I want to be a writer.”

“Well, if you need any help, for anything, you can always come to me.”

Sitting there thinking about everything she’d said over the last few minutes, I made a decision. “Nikki is staying around to help me, acclimate I guess, but she’s only going to be here for less than a month. Do you think you can help me with, maybe, girl stuff?”

Mom stopped folding a pair of jeans that I’d never worn before setting them down. “Of course. What do you want to know?”

I took a calming breath. “Like makeup, and maybe help me with some clothes, picking out stuff that won’t, you know…”

“Make you look like a slut?”


She giggled and walked over to me. “Stand up.” Following her directions I did as she asked. “Turn around for me.” After I made a full three-sixty, Mom nodded. “We can definitely do something to bring you out to the open. Maybe a color change with your hair, some more revealing, but not wild looking clothes. Oh, and we’ve got to get you out of those horrid sandals Nikki favored.”

Not knowing exactly what she had planned, I nodded. “Okay.”

“When do you get your braces out?”

“Um, this coming Monday.” Nikki couldn’t wait. She had the date boldly marked on a calendar in her room.

“We can go afterward and make a day of it if you want?”

I nodded. “That’d be great.”

“Ugh, maybe you can go get your nails done sometime before then and save us some time.”

Even I had to agree, my nails looked like crap. But that’s what happen when a club explodes with you in it. “I’ll see if I can talk, Mom into it. I’m sure she’d love to do something together. Nikki says she’s been really clingy since…”

Mom agreed. “She almost lost her daughter, and she did in a way. She’s got a right. I hope you never have to know what it feels like to bury your child, Alexis.” I didn’t mind when she hugged me again, and squished my boobs once more. “I thought I would die when the police came. There were times over the last three days that I actually wanted to.”

Patting her on the back, I said, “You don’t have to worry about that now. I’m still here, I’m just softer in all the wrong places.”

She pulled back and looked down at them. “They are pretty big aren’t they.”

“We went out to get me some new bras. They’re an F-cup if you can believe it.”

Mom shook her head in disbelief. “You better start doing some lower back exercises or you’re going to have problems when you get older. I’ll plan out a exercise routine and you can come to the gym with me, if you want.”

“Cool.” I actually looked forward to that. “Nikki relied on dieting and yoga. It’ll probably be better if I worked out. I don’t like not being as strong as I was.”


The following week was about as strange as I’d ever experienced before in my life. I’ve learned new things before; who hasn’t? Games, instruction manuals for assembling something, schoolwork, you know, the normal stuff. However, learning to be a girl was something altogether different. It wasn’t so much learning the correct way to walk or talk, since girls have socially evolved into more masculine roles over the decades; the sexes weren’t that much different now if you really looked at them. It was the little things.

Since girls were more aggressive nowadays, I had to be careful of how I treated boys. Innocent looks or touching could be misinterpreted as flirtation, speaking to someone new without a valid reason, the same. It was suppose to be safer to travel in packs for protection and to dissuade the more timid boys to keep their distance. The weird thing was that Nikki really didn’t hang around with other girls like that. She’s hung around with me. It was explained to me that I was the ‘boyfriend’ deterrent. People assumed that we were dating and that was just as good for keeping boys at bay.

“So, I was your boyfriend without benefits,” I deadpanned.

Nikki confirmed my conclusion with a nod. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“You suck.”

She shrugged. “Well, it’s your own fault for not asking me to be your girlfriend.”

“Would you have accepted?”

She nodded. “Yep.”

“Even though I liked to dress up in girls clothes?”

Her eyes sparkled. “Well, I didn’t know that until your mom busted you, so yeah.”

That made me a little inquisitive. “So, you wouldn’t if you had known?”

Nikki didn’t like to be on the defensive, so she turned my question around on me. “You still haven’t explained why you did that.”

With a sigh, I leaned back at the computer desk. Nikki made herself comfortable on her bed. “I just don’t see what the big deal is. They’re just clothes. It didn’t make me a girl or gay or anything.”

“Exactly, so why the big secret?”  I really hate the way she turns things around.

“Because they feel different, and there are more styles for girls. With guys, not so much.” I leaned forward and set my elbows on my knees. “I really like low rise jeans with the stretch denim. They aren’t all thick and bulky. They feel good, and they aren’t pushing in on my stomach. But for some reason it’s like they have breasts attached, because only girls can wear them. It’s stupid.”

She conceded that point. “Okay, I can see that. You make sense. But if comfort is the reason, then why the bras? Bras are not comfortable.”

I sat up and cupped mine. “This one is. I like it a lot better then those sports bars that you were wearing.”

She eyed me like I wasn’t taking her seriously. “Yeah, but you didn’t have breasts when you were Alex.”

Good point. I sighed. “They felt good for a different reason.”

“You mean a sexual reason.”

Shooting her a glare I shook my head. “I didn’t do it to masturbate. Ugh, you wouldn’t understand.”

Nikki sat up in the bed. “I’m trying to understand, but you won’t tell me anything.”

I just fell back into my chair. “Ugh. I’m just comfortable in women’s clothes. How hard is it to get? You know the feeling when you wake up in the morning and the air is crisp, but you are all warm and content under the covers.” At her nod, I flung a hand out. “That’s what it felt like for me. Clothes are not just clothes. Girls clothes are made totally different than guys and I’m not just talking about shape differences.”

She raised her hands in defeat. “Okay fine, you win.” She smirked as me for a second. “I would have liked to have seen you in a dress though.”

I shook my head. “That’s wasn’t a pretty sight. I liked the jeans and tops mostly, and I loved the panties.”

Her eyebrows rose a little. “Yeah, I saw how many weren’t plain old cotton.”

I shrugged. “The silky ones felt better.”

“I’ll have to agree with you there.” Her face was accepting of me. “Alex, I don’t think you’re a freak, I just didn’t understand, okay?”

“So you do now?”

Nikki shook her head. “Not really, but then again the point is moot, because you’re definitely wearing more than a few girl clothes now. You have the whole package, ovaries included.”

That brought on the annoyed look from me. “Yeah, thanks for the warning on that one.”

She rolled back on the bed and laughed her infectious laugh. “You should have seen the look on your face when you thought you broke something in the bathroom.”

I sighed. “Well when I wiped and found blood, what else was I supposed to think?”

“Your mom warned you about checking. It’s not my fault you didn’t check the calendar that’s hanging on the wall with the date clearly marked.”

She was teasing me, but it was still annoying. The cramping wasn’t that bad, or at least not as bad as I’ve heard my Mom complain about. A couple of Midol and I was pretty much just achy, kind of like when I’ve had a bad taco or something, except completely different. Aren’t you glad you have me to explain these experiences so well?

“Alexis, are you ready sweetie?”

Nikki scowled at me for that one. I’d gotten her mom to call me Alexis as well. Sorry, I’m just not a Nikki kind of person.

“Yeah, Mom.” I grabbed my purse and made out the bedroom door, almost racing down the stairs. While I had only worn braces for less than a week, they were annoying as hell. I can’t see how Nikki lasted for so long.

I told her about the makeover that I wanted and that my real Mom wanted to help. She was ecstatic that I worked a miracle and brought her best friend out of the deep depression she was in. But she did insist on coming along for the ride. Something told me that having the two of them together making me over was a very bad idea. They were high school cheerleaders, at one time, after all.


I was confusing myself with calling them both Mom in my head and seeing as how Janice was now my ‘Mom’ now, I tried to think of my birth mother as Cathy.

“It’s like you’re a new person, Cath.” Mom was really amazed at the turn-around that Cathy had made since my visit.

“Alexis gets all the credit.” She smiled at me through the rearview mirror. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m still devastated about what happened to Alex. But to Alexis, he’s her hero. He saved her life, giving up his in her place.”

We’d worked on a semi-cover story so that it wouldn’t look like Cathy was ‘over’ her son’s death so easily. So we built Alex up to be a tragic hero in everyone’s eyes.

“It would be wrong of me to let myself waste away for his sacrifice. So, I’m proud of him. It goes to show how much he cared about Alexis and I’m not going to tarnish that by destroying my own life.”

Mom blinked at her best friend. “That’s… very… um…”

I helped out. “Strong? Adult? Realistic?”

Mom turned her head to see me in the back seat of the Impala. “Thank you miss thesaurus.”

“No problem.”

Cathy glanced at me again. “Did you bring some magazines along with the looks you’re considering?”

I nodded. Nikki and I poured over fashion, hair style, and trend magazines for two days. I had a number of  pages marked with tons of sticky notes that they were going to look over while I was getting rid of the four pounds of metal in my mouth. While we obviously couldn’t afford a quarter of what I marked, it gave them an idea of the look I was trying to achieve.

I was almost horrified to find that hot pants and short shorts were back in style for this summer, along with ripped jeans, and body suits. The jeans I could live with, but everything else was made to expose the butt and a long line of flesh. The plus side, for evening wear, knee high and above the knee socks and stockings were back in. So, I didn’t have to freak about being dressed and nude at the same time.

Boyfriend blazers were still in, so that was a good thing, but seeing as how hot it was going to be during the summer, that was probably impractical. That didn’t mean that I could have some for the fall though.

I know, it sounds like I’ve gone over to the dark side and embraced being a girl. I’m just trying to keep in mind how much I wanted Nikki to wear some nicer things. She was embarrassed and disappointed at how her body looked. I wasn’t. I knew she was beautiful, and now I’m going to show her exactly how much. Seeing as she was viewing me as a sister or something like that now, she was less critical of me not wearing baggy, uncomplimentary clothes. Do as I say and not as I do, or something like that.


FREEDOM! My teeth are free! Straightened, cleaned, whitened, brightened, and polished. I was thinking about blinding everyone today with how white my teeth were. Excellent idea!

“You’re being goofy,” Nikki smirked as she sat in the seat next to me while my mom’s were driving us to the mall.

I could only smile back at her, since I’m sure that Mom’s could hear the tiniest peep from the back seat. I wondered if it was possible to blind a ghost with my teeth. Nikki just rolled her eyes.

When we get to the mall, Mom and Cathy each take one of my hands in theirs and we make a strange sight walking through the fairly empty food court. It was early and a weekday, so there weren’t that many people doing their shopping.

Posted in Uncategorized

Rambling Thoughts (Multi-subject)


May 9th, 2010 Posted 11:05

1) I’ve been trying to get my head around my outstanding stories. Inspiration has all but abandoned me, at the moment. I normally go to, peruse the pictures and BAM! ideas flood my head.

1.5) I also look at these pictures and imagine what it would be like to be some of these girls, wondering if they are barely making it or are living the life they always wanted.

2) I have an active fantasy life in my head. Maybe that’s why I love writing so much.

3) My legs are my best asset. My butt is my worst.

4) The first thing I look at when I meet a new person is their eyes… unless their back is to me, then it’s their legs.

5) If I had a choice I’d always wear high heels. 3+ inches.

6) Nilla Wafers are the devil. They are so good.

7) I don’t like turning the lights on at night. You’ll often find me walking around in the dark at home. That’s probably why I never rearrange my furniture.

8) My current wallpaper is Amber Forrester. I love those booties she’s wearing.4bacedc08497f

9) Current story I’m working on is about a guy that is serving out a self-imposed sentence as a country girl living in a small town. This pic is the one that inspired the story. Karen0910) Yeah, that was Amber Forrester as well.

11)  I have nothing new to read. Well, I do, but I don’t want to read it right now. I should have said that I have nothing new that I want to read.

12) My legs are freshly shaven.

13) Crawfish Etouffee sounds really good right about now.

14) I’m thinking about watching “Wanted”.

15) High school was the worst time of my life… or maybe when I had cancer. It’s a toss up. Both were equally as painful.

16) High school was the best time of my life… very little was expected of me… and I was thin as a reed and passable as a girl.

Posted in Uncategorized



May 8th, 2010 Posted 15:51

This is the first of a few stories that I started but never continued. If anyone wants to take it and continue then feel free, just make sure you credit where it came from. I didn’t have a title for it, so that’s why it’s labeled as simple as it is. To repeat… This is not a complete story. I have no plans on continuing it, so read on at your own discretion.



I was nervous as I stood at the door to the house I was told I would be staying at for the foreseeable future. So much had changed over the last few months that I was still reeling from the shock. However, before I could sink into the depression I was regularly teetering back and forth into, the door opened and I was greeted with a bright smile.

“Hi, you must be Kai!” The tall dark haired girl I was staring at was virtually bouncing when I nodded my response. I still wasn’t very vocal, even after months of therapy. She stood aside and opened the door wide. “I’m Nichole, but you can call me Nikki. Well, come on in. Mi casa es su casa.”

Spanish sounded really weird coming from a Japanese looking girl. I should probably say Japanese-American. There was no way this girl was anything but pure-bread American raised. Squatting down slightly I picked up the entirety of my life; a single suitcase, a small one at that.

Living at, what amounted to, a hospital limited the amount of clothes I would normally wear.

The house was anything but simple; it was gigantic. The marble flooring made every step Nikki took in her two inch heels almost echo up the grand stairs dead set in the middle of the room. At the top it split off in opposite directions to what I assumed were many many bedrooms.

“Let’s get you settled into your room and then I’ll give you the tour.”

Nikki’s best assets were her legs and butt. Japanese girls weren’t known for their bubble butts, however she seemed to have acquired that pleasant looking gene somewhere along the Oshiro bloodline, or maybe there was some other recessive DNA in play on her mother’s side.

We were almost to the top when I remembered not to stare any longer. It really wouldn’t be proper to ogle your benefactor on your first day under her roof, not to mention I was supposed to be depressed at the moment.

We hung a right at the top and climbed another short staircase that emptied into a hallway with five doors on the left and five on the right. It was decorated in deep red lush carpeting along with several dozen ceremonial masks, all old Japanese style. I stared momentarily before moving on to the third door on the left.

Nikki stopped there and opened it with a flourish. “This one’s yours. I’m next door.” She pointed at the second door on the left before entering the room I was to use.

When I entered I was bowled over at the extravagance of the décor. A four poster queen-sized bed was against the left wall, set in the middle. On the hallway wall was a large dresser with an equally long mirror hooked on the back.

“I got you a few things, just in case you weren’t in the mood to go shopping right away. It’s nothing special: some undies, a couple pair of shorts, a couple yoga outfits, some tees. We can go out whenever you want and build you up a decent wardrobe.”

She seemed like she was trying her best not to step on my toes and cringed a little when she ran through the inventory. Then she crossed the floor and opened up a decent sized walk in closet. “Excitement here. It’s a closet!” Nikki pointed at a wooden crosshatch space on the wall. “A pair of cross trainers, and sandals. Basics. Again, more later when we shop.”

After closing that door Nikki moved to the last door that was already open. “Your own private bathroom. I went ahead and got you a hair dryer, and some hair care supplies. Daddy said that your hair was just like mine, and he was right, sort of. I really love the length on yours.”

At the mention of my hair I reached up and touched it. It was a brown/black mix, parted down the middle and ran the length of my back, almost to my butt. I was tempted to cut it so many times at the hospital, but I wasn’t allowed any scissors and was told that I would come to regret cutting it eventually. I was to wait another month and if I still felt the same then I was told a professional could cut and style it different.

She showed me where the towels were and informed me that there was maid service so not to worry about making my bed or cleaning up. “Just make sure you hang your bath towel and put your clothes down the laundry chute over there. That’s their only bitch.”

I nodded.

Nikki gave me a sorrowful grin. “Daddy said you don’t talk much. I guess he was right.”

Guilt dug into my belly, and I cleared my throat. “Sorry.” I shuffled my feet for a moment. “I don’t like the sound of my voice.”

That was more true than you could realize. It was so high pitched, not like a Barbie bimbo, but more like the anime girls I used to watch on TV growing up, high pitched and loud. It just wasn’t me, or I should say it wasn’t like the old me. It fits the new me perfectly.

“Well, I’m supposed to rag on you to open up and talk about your feelings and annoying stuff like that.” At the look on my face she quickly amended her statement. “You’ll talk if and when you want to talk. When you do feel like talking, I’m here to listen.”

I let myself sigh in relief. “Thank you.” At a glance toward the dresser I added. “And thank you for not buying me tons of girlie clothes, just yet.”

She nodded and smiled. “Daddy told me a little about what happened. Not all of it, but enough to let me know what I needed to do to help you.”

We both stood there in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments before Nikki ended the torture. “Look, why don’t you take a bath and get rid of the hospital stink. Save your clothes and we’ll burn them out back.” She shuddered. “There’s nothing worse than hospital clothes.” At that, I smiled. It brought a little humor to an awkward moment.

“I’d like that.”

Nikki smiled with almost all of her teeth at my response. “Just wrap your hair up and I’ll help you dry it.”

With the mention of help I nodded with pleasure. That was one task I never looked forward to after washing the massive amount of hair hanging from my head. She made for the door and brushed her hand along mine.

“I’ll be in the kitchen at the back of the house when you’re through. Are you hungry?”

I shook my head.

“Okay then. See you in a bit.”


The only thing I was surprised about, seeing as this was a very swank house, was the lack of a shower. There was a very nice sunken tub that could probably seat four of me, and it had a flex hose with an adjustable shower head on the end. However, it was basically used for rinsing after the bath, not for an actual shower.

There wasn’t any regular soap either. I had the choice between bath beads or body wash; both of which were scented with lavender. While the bathtub was filling I read the back of the bottle of body wash. Lavender was supposed to be soothing, for stressful days. Well, I’d had some stressful months. Maybe the bubble bath wasn’t such a bad idea.

I took a handful of beads and tossed them under the running water before stripping and then sitting on the side of the tub to stare at the forming bubbles.

I did enjoy the relaxing bath. It was nice to know that I was finally out from under the doctor’s thumb, not to mention the nurses, and physical and mental therapists as well. I was the last to leave of the group that was physically whole. I still shuddered at the image of a small group of boys and girls that didn’t fair very well at what was done to them, all in the name of experimental science. The younger they were, the worse the experiments tended to be. Some, with withered arms, some with no arms. Some, with hands three times the size of their original, some with virtually skeletal hands. Some with…

Opening my eyes to rid myself of the images I remember with vivid detail, I brushed away the tears that had fallen down my face, and let anger replace my sadness and horror. It was the only way I could stay sane with everything that I had been through. I mean it’s not every day that you have your life stolen from you, along with the life of your twin sister of eighteen years.


I’d become an expert at the towel turban thing. I could even make it so tight that I could bend over without it falling off. It was a hot day and I wanted to be comfortable before setting out to retrieve Nikki. A tee, shorts, and sandals was enough for me. I did restrain the growths on my chest with a tight sports bra. They weren’t implants so I was able to squash them down efficiently, where they were barely visible as two little lumps. The doctors said that they probably wouldn’t grow anymore. B-cups were more than enough, and considering my origins, any growth was too much.

I couldn’t expand my concave waist, except by gaining thirty pounds the old fashion way, and my hips were a lost cause. The one thing out of my entire body that wasn’t changed? My legs. I don’t know if this was a knock on them or what; they were feminine enough as it was.

A knock at the door interrupted my musing. It cracked open and Nikki’s voice sounded. “Kai, are you decent?”


She opened the door further and saw me sitting on the edge of my bed. I blinked a few times, realizing I had zoned out again.

“Hey,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to bother you, but it’s been an hour and a half. I was getting worried.”

I stood and walked over to the window overseeing the back yard, well some of the back yard on this side of the house. “I zoned out. It happens,” I replied. “The doctors say that it’s supposed to be a symptom of PTSD.”

Her footfalls barely sounded on the carpet, but I could quite easily tell she was behind me and to my right. “What’s that?”

“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Sometime I get caught up with what’s in my head that I don’t function properly. I lose track of time or cry for no apparent reason.”

I felt her hand slip into mine, and I looked down. Nikki went to withdraw it, perhaps thinking she wasn’t suppose to touch me. It was easy to assume that, since I’ve been quite violent over the past couple of months when people touch me without permission. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t stand being near people, much less have them invade my personal space.

She apologized immediately. “I’m sorry. I forgot.”

The thing was that for one of the first times in recent memory, I didn’t mind a virtual stranger’s hand in mine. The other patients at the hospital were the only exceptions. We clung to each other during and after the ordeal. We were the only people we trusted. Now here was someone that had taken me in, and offered to help me adjust to my new self, no strings attached. It was all out of the goodness of her heart. You can imagine my skepticism, at first. But Nikki seemed to be the genuine article, from what little I’ve seen.

She didn’t pull away too far, so I tentatively inched my hand back into her hers. “It’s okay.”

Nikki reminded me of my sister in more than a few ways. Sarah was a free spirit and often touched others like there was no problem with it in any way. With a genuine smile she squeezed my fingers. “Want me to help with your hair?”

I nodded and she led me to what I recognized as a makeup table. “It’ll help, since you can sit down.”

Making myself as comfortable as I could get, Nikki removed the towel and let my hair fall free.

“Oh, well, it’s mostly dry already. I’ll just brush it out.” She retreated to the bathroom and returned armed with a large brush and few other things clasped in her hand which she reached out to me. “I was thinking that I could braid it for you. It won’t be in your way.”

I nodded in acceptance. That actually sounded pretty good.

The repetitive motions as she worked her way up from the bottom sent me off into my mind once more. A picture of my sister’s room flashed in my mind, and doing this exact same thing play itself out, except I was the one doing the brushing. She loved it so much when I played with her hair. Granted it wasn’t quite as long as my current mess. Sarah’s made it to the bottom of her shoulder blades. I would spend many evenings brushing it for her while we talked.

I never understood other siblings, friends of ours at school, when they would complain about their opposites. Sarah and I loved each other. We were best friends as well as brother and sister. We enjoyed spending any amount of time together, even to the point of sleeping with one another quite often. There was absolutely nothing that I wouldn’t do for her or she for me.

Some of our friends would make fun of us on occasion, that we were more like a married couple instead of siblings. We’d finish each other’s sentences, anticipate the wants and needs of the other, go everywhere together, including dates.

That thought brought a shift of scenery within my mind.

Dating was problematic with either of us. It became well known that we were a joined pair. If someone asked Sarah out then it was expected that I would be coming along, either with my own date or by myself. There just wasn’t a question about it. It was like we were two halves of the same person, which being twins was almost poetic.

It caused a few problems along the way, but only from the outsider’s perspective. If they made a problem about the subject then we’d call an end to their attempt at dating. There was one time that a girl I asked out wanted to go a little further, physically. I was all for it, but Sarah wasn’t interested in her date, at the time, in that way. So, I refused the advances from the girl.

I know, we were weird, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Sarah was my other half. Life just wasn’t fun when she wasn’t around. It wasn’t interesting or worth much of living either. That’s what caused many of the problems at the Hospital.

When I was told that she died, I went into shock. I shut down, not talking or even responding to anything or anyone for three weeks. I remember the time vividly. The drugs they pumped into me didn’t affect my mind at all as I replayed our lives together, everything that I could remember.


My eyes flickered to Nikki’s reflection in the mirror. “Hmm?”

“Zoning out again?”

I gave her a slight nod.

“I’m done.”

Already? I brought my attention to my hair and saw that the back had been pulled tight and woven into a simple braid, and the front had a poof of bangs with a little hanging down on both sides, accenting my face. “Thank you.”

She nodded with a hopeful look in her eyes. “I’m not going to push makeup on you right now, but can I shape your eyebrows?”

What did I say about offending the person that took me in? Sarah would never forgive me if I was rude, so I looked down and nodded in response. Nikki retrieved another chair and sat beside me as I turned to her. She opened the main drawer to the makeup table and took out a pair of tweezers. After taking a long look at my face she began plucking my errant hairs.

What she was doing was uncomfortable, but not painful. I was used to pain. After every medical session with the people that did this to me, I was well used to feeling aches, stabbing, shooting, burning, and searing pain. The act of pulling a few hairs was nothing in comparison.

“There, all done.”

I did it again. Lost time.

Turning to the mirror I saw her work. My eyebrows were definitely thinner, but overtly so. It was only on the ends where they slightly arched and came to delicate points that changed mostly. It was pretty, something that I was still not used to.

I grew up a Caucasian boy for sixteen years of my life. Now I was an eighteen year old Japanese girl. No matter how much I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t find the face that I was familiar with. My green eyes, were now brown, and the lids formed into a single covering, making the eyes themselves seem narrow with a thin almond shape. My jaw was rounded and cheekbones raised with more prominence. From the look of my face, I wouldn’t need makeup to look pretty. It was already too natural looking… or unnatural looking, as the case may be.

Nikki seemed to be placated with the minor change. It was good enough for me. Maybe she would take pity on me and not push anything else on me for that day.

“Come on, it’s tour time.”

She returned her chair to the wall, where it stood previously, before holding her hand out to me. That was another thing that Sarah used to do. Stepping up beside her I took the proffered hand and we left my sanctuary.

Nikki was tall compared to me. I was only five-five and was currently in flat heeled sandals, while she had two inch heels she still had a few inches on top of that. It made me feel… comfortable?

Her father, a lieutenant with the Houston Police Department, was the one that I felt most comfortable being around. He was the one that when he appeared would make the doctors go away. He was the one that led the raid on the place where they killed my sister. He was the one that opened the locked door of my room and carried me out to the sun again as I shook in fright.

Her father was the one that told me the truth with every question I asked. He was also the one that told me about Sarah when the doctors wouldn’t.

They wouldn’t let him visit after that.

It was three weeks later when he finally got a court order to verify my well being. That’s what broke me from my self-imposed catatonia.

In every way imaginable Akio Oshiro was my hero, which was convenient, since his name meant ‘glorious hero’. That was the reason that I fervently agreed to his offer of living in his home, mostly with his only daughter. The treatment at the hospital was doing nothing for me. The doctors were at a loss and were about to commit me to a long term institution, probably to drug me for the rest of my life and stick me a room where I could slowly waste away.

Akio had a different view on the subject. At first the head doctor wouldn’t have anything to do with the idea, that was until Akio put the full weight of his influence upon the physician. It was amazing how many tickets a person can receive driving only ten miles between their home and work, how many times a person could be rousted at the pub they frequented and taken to jail for Public Intoxication, even when they had only a single drink.

It was the time spent in the drunk tank that convinced the doctor to let him try out the little experiment. Perhaps the doctor realized the depth of being incarcerated against his will, or maybe he met an unwanted friend while he spent the night. Either way, I was released into Akio’s custody for one month. If I didn’t show signs of improvement then I would return.

I owed him my freedom, and perhaps my sanity. I would do anything for him, even if that meant submitting myself to become the girl that I had been transformed into so that I wouldn’t let him down.



“I asked if there was anything special you wanted to do on your first day out.”

I slowly blinked. There was only one thing that I desired. “I want to see my sister’s grave.”

Nikki’s lips pursed as I knew she was thinking of a way to refuse me. That was one of the restrictions that was set in the conditions of my release. The U.S. Marshals Service entered me in the Witness Protection Program. I was given a new identity. My old bank account was closed, the house where my sister and I grew up was sold. Sarah’s will was executed and I was the sole beneficiary. My old life, for all intents and purposes, was ended. Three cashiers checks were made out to me, so I could set up new accounts without detection.

That’s where Kaidan Tira, or Kai for short, was brought to life. According to everyone I now knew, I was born in Dallas, on August 13, 1991. The day has significance, to me and to my benefactors. It’s the day that they celebrate Obon, the celebration of the dead. Okinawa, where the Oshiro family originally hails from, chose the thirteenth day of August to recognize their dead ancestors as an entire family. It’s the day Akio suggested for me. Once I found out the significance, I agreed.

My imaginary parents came from the same island and village as Akio. That gave me a reason, as an outsider, to be welcome in their home. I wouldn’t be treated as a guest, as such; it would be more like if your next door neighbor sought refuge in your home after their’s burned down. The back story was that my family died in an accident and I was sent to them as Akio and my imaginary father grew up in Okinawa together.

The only way I could pull this off was if I understood Japanese fluently. I did. I actually understood eight languages fluently, not to mention seven different Japanese dialects under one of those, as well. It’s a gift. Sarah’s gift was in mathematics; she mastered college level calculus as a freshman in high school. She was suppose to start college a couple of weeks at the University of Texas in Austin in a few day’s time. A full scholarship. MIT offered an equivalent, but we would have been separated, so she refused. That’s how much my sister loved me.

Not being able to attend the funeral was devastating, but never to be able to see her grave was unacceptable; security precautions be damned.

“I know where she is buried, Kai. We could see it from a distance if that would be okay for now. Once the trial is over and all of the criminals behind bars or dead then it would be safe for you and my family to visit.”

They were going out on a limb for me by providing me a home, knowing that I was a target. I couldn’t, in good conscious put them in danger. “Thank you.”

She nodded her acknowledgement. “Okay. If you want to do this then we have to make you look more normal.”

This time is was me who pursed my lips. There was always a catch. Before I had a chance to state my complaint she was explaining. “Kai, you’re a wreck. You have bags under your eyes and your legs are hairier than Daddy’s. What you’re wearing is fine for the house, but the average girl has some standards.”

I turned and sighed as I crossed my arms.

“I’m not saying I want to doll you up and go out partying. That would stand out as well. But you have to admit it’s the extremes that get noticed. Too ratty or too pretty and you’ll stand out. I’m going for something in between. Even I’m going to tone it down.”

Before I looked like I was going to sink any further I nodded with acceptance.


She showed me how to shave my legs, and under my arms without drawing blood. Afterward, I sat at the makeup table as she applied a light amount of daytime color, masking the dark circles as well. The sports bra had to go as I would look like a preteen with it on. When all was said and done I had to grudgingly admit that I looked like an average teenager.

While Nikki was getting ready, I looked at myself in the full length mirror hanging from the back of the closet door. The green tank top scooped low enough to expose the tops of my breasts and high enough to almost show my navel. The white shorts were only a couple of inches below my crotch and were low cut, barely hanging on my hip bones. That was it. I was exposed to the extreme.

Annoying jewelry was hanging on my neck, wrists and fingers. The most I had ever worn before was a wristwatch, now I felt like I had half the jewelry store on my body. I did talk her out of piercing my ears for now, but I already knew that eventually was going to be a losing battle.

The only thing that remained of my previous attempt at dressing were the sandals, exposing my now painted toenails. She said I could leave my fingernails for now since they were in good shape already. Thank god short nails were in style.

When Nikki returned from changing we could have been sisters. She was dressed almost exactly like I was, only taller. Now that she was out of her heels, I could better judge her height, maybe three inches taller than me, which put her around five-eight.

“Okay, the cemetery is located across from a strip mall, so the plan is to go shopping, buy a couple of things, then grab an ice cream and take a walk. That way we won’t look out of place in the area, okay?”

I had planned to slowly let her do the girlie stuff over the course of a month. Now I was about two weeks past my mental schedule. I wasn’t happy, but at least I could see Sarah’s grave, so I agreed.


Half the makeup supply store later, not to mention a sidewalk sale at Ross, and we were sitting on a bench across from the cemetery licking ice cream cones.

“Two columns to the left and four rows up,” Nikki indicated before licking the quickly melting dessert.

I followed her direction and spotted a grave where broken up sod lay over a freshly packed dirt.

“Keep eating your cone. You don’t want to look like you’re staring.”

My tongue went on automatic as I wished more than anything in the world that I had some super bionic eyesight or a really nice pair of binoculars.

“What’s the marker say?”

I heard the crunch of Nikki biting into her cone. A moment later she answered. “I don’t know. I haven’t actually been to her grave.”

The thought of finishing the ice cream made me sick to my stomach, so I stood and dropped it into the trash about five feet from the bench. Nikki was right behind me. “We need to go.”

My hand tightened on the bag I was carrying. “We just got here,” I complained.

“Do not look behind us. I think we’ve been spotted.”

I resisted the urge, just barely. “Where’s the car?”

Nikki shook her head. “We can’t take the car. If they spot the license plate then they can track us to the house. We’ll have to deal with them here.”

A familiar rush of adrenaline raced through me. My heart beat faster and my breathing increased. “How? Do you have a gun?”

“No.” A quick scan of the strip center in front of us and she nudged me to the left. “Go between the buildings over there.”

“In the alley?”


It took us less than a minute to slip to the back of the strip mall. Nikki reached into her purse and withdrew something cylindrical, about four or five inches in length. “Hide behind the dumpster, and whatever happens let me deal with it. Do not come out. I don’t want them to get a good look at you and confirm that you’re here.”

She put her back against the wall and flung out the small pipe with a snap. I deduced there was more to the thing than I originally thought since it extended almost two feet in length and looked a lot sturdier with the addition.

I heard running footsteps as someone cornered the side of the building. Nikki whipped the baton out and smashed it into the guy’s knee with a audible snap he went down in pain. Something clicked to the pavement and slid almost right in front of me. It was a gun.

With a quick look to make sure nobody else was coming I snagged it and looked it over. The safety was still on and once I found the ejector release I verified that the clip was full.

“Why are you following us?” Nikki asked in a surprisingly calm voice.

“Fucking bitch! You busted my knee!”

Two of Nikki’s fingers lanced him in the chest, and she covered his mouth with her other hand which did not have the baton in it any more. His scream was muffled until she poked him again in another portion of his torso. “That was for not answering my question, the next one will hurt a lot more.”

“We’re after the other one! We don’t want you.”

“Thank you. Did you record her face, my face, or the car we were driving in any way?”


She jabbed him again three times, in quick succession and then covered his mouth as he screamed.

This went on for half a minute before she ended his pain. “Don’t lie to me again, or I will kill you right here.”

Sweat ran off of his face and he whimpered. “My cell in my pocket.”

A few seconds later she retrieved it and tossed the battery, but slid the phone in her purse.  “Very good. We’re almost done here. Did you send our pictures to anyone?”

He shook his head. “No, I promise.”

“I believe you.” She smiled at him. I was dumfounded. “Is there anyone else on duty with you?”

He shook his head again. “No.”

Nikki narrowed her eyes and reared back to poke him again until he protested. “No, no! I promise, there’s nobody else here.”

“Where were you suppose to bring her?”

I stood from behind the dumpster and stepped out. My pulse was pounding in my ears, and all the sound in the area was cut off. A blackness entered into my field of vision where all I could see was the sweaty white man laying on the ground. When he looked at me I saw recognition on his face. The thing was, that I recognized him as well.

Kneeling by his face I transferred the pistol to my left hand, away from him so he couldn’t make a grab for it.

“I know you.” I reached out and slid my palm lovingly against his face. “Did you rape my sister like you raped me?”

He shook his head, and I saw his mouth moving but no sound was coming out. I frowned and stood up. Why wouldn’t he answer me? Well, his crimes against me was more than enough to warrant his punishment. So, I reared back with my leg and stomped as hard as I could on his throat. When I saw him grab at the new injury and the blood that expelled from his mouth everything came back into focus.

Nikki was looking at me with something akin to surprise, but she didn’t let it take away from the task at hand. She rifled through his pockets as he stared thrashing from lack of air. A crushed windpipe will do that to a person.

“Put the pistol in your bag and go to the car, Kai.”

I looked at her with no emotion at all. “Not yet.”

She came up with a wallet, keys, and a money clip, stuffing both in her purse, before taking out some tissues and waiting until he stilled. After wiping where I touched his face she tossed the tissues in the bag. The last thing I remembered about his face was his bloodshot eyes.



I have no idea how we wound up on the freeway. “Hmm?”

“I asked if you were okay?”

I nodded. “I’m fine.”

Nikki glanced at me for a moment before turning her eyes back to the road. “Do you want to talk about what just happened?”

I frowned for a moment. “About what? Shopping?”

Her mouth opened for a second and then closed. “You don’t remember the guy?”


Was this a quiz or something?

Nikki’s lips pursed. “Look in your shopping bag.”

I furrowed my brow for a moment before reaching into the back seat and grabbing my bag. It was heavier than I remember.

“Be careful,” she warned.

Be careful of clothes and makeup? Even I wasn’t that afraid of shopping. It didn’t take me long to figure out what she wanted me to find. Needless to say I was kind of surprised. “Why is there a gun in my bag?”

This time she didn’t take her eyes off the road. “Are you telling me you don’t remember us being spotted and confronting a guy?”

I blinked. It was like there was a blank portion of my memory. I plainly remembered throwing my ice cream away and then walking toward the car. Everything after that was… nothing.

“No,” I answered timidly. Looking down into the bag again I asked, “Was that his?”

“Yeah. We need to get rid of it. There’s no telling how many crimes he’s committed with that pistol and I don’t want us connected to any of them.”

A stupid thought ran through my head. “I want it.”

She looked at me like I was crazy. “Right. I don’t think that’s an option.”

Now I was being treated like a kid, and that pissed me off. “I need some way to protect myself.”

She considered that argument for a moment. “If you want to learn how to defend yourself then I’ll teach you. Even I don’t use a gun.”

Oh, anti-gun nut. “That’s easy to say when someone isn’t pointing a gun at you and all you have are your fists.”

That’s how we were taken, me and my sister. I know how to defend myself, so did Sarah. We’d been raised on martial arts. But when someone is ten feet away and leveling a pistol at you, all the martial arts in the world won’t stop the bullet from killing you.

“Answer me this then, Kai. If someone is holding you at gunpoint, would having one stashed in your purse or even within quick reach help you in any way?” My lack of response egged her on. “What you do is bide your time and hope that you can use what you have learned to escape or overpower them at a later point.”

I didn’t like it, but I reluctantly gave in for the time being. In my opinion, one could never have enough weapons.

“Now we have to dismantle that pistol, wipe it down and spread the pieces around.”

I reached in her console and withdrew a couple of tissues before popping the clip and jacking out the round in the chamber. Nikki looked at me in mild surprise. Growing up in a family that advocates hunting made me familiar with the general workings of firearms. Since I didn’t have to worry about putting it back together, I was fairly confidant in my ability to take apart an unfamiliar weapon.

Within a minute I had the nine millimeter rounds out of the clip and was wiping the back of them down, where my thumb had touched them. A quick look in the side view mirror hadn’t revealed any cars behind us, so one at a time, over the course of a mile I tossed the bullets out the window. Nikki made a random turn and I got rid of the empty clip. The rest of the weapon broke down into five pieces, three of which could be readily identified as belonging to a pistol by even the most lay of people, so I had to wait until we were over water before losing them.

Nikki nodded at my efficiency, and then withdrew a black leather billfold from her purse and handed it to me. “Recognize anything in there?”

I opened it up took out the wad of cash that was secured by a money clip in the middle. “I recognize the cash.”

She giggled at that. “You needed some spending money anyway.”

Counting through it, I came up with a fairly large amount. “Is it normal for hired thugs to carry around almost two thousand dollars?”

Nikki shrugged. “It’s easier to stay under the radar if you don’t use credit cards. Cash greases a lot of wheels.”

With a shrug I dropped it in the shopping bag, and then continued my perusal of with the rest of the contents. “Well, the lack of any credit cards supports your thesis, and the driver’s license is fake, a really bad fake too.”

“Don’t toss the license. We’ll burn it later. Everything else can go.”

Something wasn’t sitting right with me. “How come you know to do this stuff? I mean I get why we did everything your way, but how come you know to do it?”

A little smile tweaked at the corners of her mouth. “How old do you think I am?”

I shrugged. “Nineteen, twenty.”

“Thank you,” she replied in a smug manner. “I’m actually thirty-one.”

All tension left my jaw and it loosened, opening slightly.

“I’m a criminal justice major, graduated college when I was twenty-one and became a cop with the HPD. I worked for them for eight years before being denied five times to join SWAT. Unless you really make a name for yourself or know someone, a little Jap girl can’t make it into the Marshal’s service any other way. That’s my career goal. So Daddy arranged for me to be your personal guard. Officially, I’m on extended leave. Unofficially, I hope to make a name for myself.”


We made it back to the mansion by mid-afternoon. I took my clothes upstairs and hung them up. It wasn’t much, a couple of blouses and a pair of shoes. It wound up making the closet look even more empty than it was before. A frown made its way to my face.

It was one thing to accept my fate. There wouldn’t be a way in the foreseeable future to return to being male. The process I underwent was at the genetic level, which only the doctor that led the experiment understood, and he was currently out there, somewhere in the wide open world, on the run.

I knew I should just accept my fate and embrace my new body, but that was easier said than done. This month I could expect my menstruation cycle to start. At the hospital, they kept me on specific drugs that stopped its occurrence, supposedly to let me deal with my mental issues first. However, since I was out, on my own it was part of my therapy. Needless to say, I wasn’t looking forward to it in the least.

Sitting on my bed, I stared at the floor. In one day, Nikki had accomplished what the doctors and therapists at the hospital couldn’t. I wasn’t too feminine. I mean I was in shorts and a tank, but my legs were shaven, I was wearing panties and a regular bra, not to mention the make up that she talked me into. For all intents and purposes I was an average everyday girl. The thing was, I wasn’t freaking out.

It was definitely a strange experience. I was amazed about how smooth my skin felt without the hair, how comfortable the underwear and clothes were since they fit my body and weren’t the scratchy cotton/poly blend that the hospital provided.

My hair was out of my face, but it was pulled back and in a feminine braid. That was nice, more so because it wasn’t getting tangled up in everything. Overall everything was tolerable. If my current mode of femininity would get me by then I was willing to accept it and maintain the look. Anything more, at this point was unacceptable.

A grimace overcame my features. I said, ‘at this point’. That could only mean that there would come a time in my future that the possibility of increasing my girliness would arrive. That would mean skirts, dresses, high heels, thicker makeup, dating…

No, never. The thought of dating men was, again, unacceptable. No matter what happened to my body, my mind was still male and strongly heterosexual within that aspect. I was attracted to females, as I always had been, before the kidnapping. In fact I was attracted to Nikki… even if she was thirty-one.

Thirty-one! She didn’t look a day over twenty, and definitely dressed and acted like she was around my age, but maybe that was because of her guard duty. I suppose it would look weird if I was being followed around by an older lady or a man. A girlfriend wouldn’t raise any eyebrows.


I wondered if she would be interest in dating an eighteen year old. Shaking my head, I fell back on the bed and covered my face with my hands. Age might not be an issue, but gender might. What are the odds she would be a lesbian, because with my current equipment there was no doubt about the label that would be applied to me.

Maybe that’s how I could get my hair cut! I could be butch. Then I wouldn’t have to wear makeup, or dress in girlie clothes. Jeans, and a close cropped haircut would be perfect. I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my manly duties without a penis, but I could do everything else. A penis did not define manliness. While I’m sure there would be a number of guys out there that would disagree, I had to justify my reasoning somehow. Besides, I could always go out and buy a strap-on or something. It could be any size I wanted. Granted I wouldn’t be able to feel anything, but it was my partner’s pleasure I would be concerned about.

With a groan, I threw out my arms and stared up at the ceiling. What am I talking about?! I just got out of the hospital and here I am thinking about dildos. I’ve got to get my priorities straight.

I pushed myself up and looked around. Nope, no computer. I needed to change that situation. Until then I needed some paper and a pen. Hopping off the bed I checked a few of the drawers and found nothing.

“Whatcha doin’?”

I almost prided myself for not jumping out of my skin. It was only Nikki. “Looking for something to write with.” I closed the last drawer and straightened my back. “We need to go shopping. I need a computer.” Then I frowned. “Not to mention a bank card, so I can buy a computer and other stuff.”

She cocked an eyebrow at me. “When I said we needed to go shopping for you, I had hoped you understood that I meant for clothes.”

I nodded. “That too.”

That seemed to placate her. “Oh, cool. Well, it’s too close to suppertime to leave now. Once Daddy gets home we’ll eat and then go to the mall.”

“What about the bankcard? You can’t keep paying for everything. I have my own money.”

“Tomorrow. Everything doesn’t have to be done in one day. Besides, don’t you have some newfound wealth?” Nikki looked over at the wad of bills lying on the bed.

Oh yeah.

“That should be enough for a pretty nice laptop, unless you’re a hacker…” She eyed me warily. “Please tell me you’re not a hacker.”

I shook my head. “I just want to be able to do some research online and the regular stuff. I just hate using paper and pen. No security.”

Nikki nodded in understanding. “Alright, that leaves us an hour and a half before Daddy gets home. Did you want to learn some self defense in the meanwhile, or do you want some time to yourself.”

“What can you teach me that has some sort of weapon. The martial arts I know wasn’t really geared for my body style.”

She thought about it for a moment. “There is Okinawan Kubudo, though most of those weapons are illegal to carry if you don’t have a license.”

“Are there any that aren’t?”

She nodded. “Gifa, are legal. It’s kind of hard to outlaw hair sticks.”

The look on my face informed her that I was serious and not out to poke someone with a stick the size of a pencil. She laughed. “Don’t knock it until you try it, Kai. Anything can be a weapon if used properly.”

I raised my eyebrow at her. “Yeah, but me holding a chopstick isn’t very intimidating. How about that baton you used earlier.”

Nikki’s eyes widened a little. “I thought you didn’t remember anything about what happened.”

I was about to reply when I remembered that I didn’t remember. My mouth jogged from open to close a few times. “I…”

“Maybe it will come back to you later. What I used was a collapsible baton, an Asp.” Her face brightened. “And if we use two of them they could double for Tambo.”

I nodded. “Fine. Tambo is fine.”


Kubudo is for people that had virtually no skill in Karate, at least that’s what Nikki told me. What I figured out after my first lesson was that if I didn’t have any skill, I’d probably be black and blue. As it was, my mind was all for reacting in a certain way, but my body was having none of it. Basically I was out of practice and I looked like the only skill I possessed was watching old Kung Fu movies on TV.

I’d have to seriously get to work on my kata’s if I wanted to do anything other than give the bad guys a good laugh.

I did learn the basics of the beginning of how to hold the asps properly. The proper way to learn this specific art was to remember that I wasn’t supposed to move my wrists. All movement was at the elbow and shoulder, for maximum power. My targets were the extremities of my opponent: anywhere on the arms, legs, head, and crotch was fair game.  The joints were preferable, as I stood a good chance of disarming my opponent, stunning the area into non-movement, or breaking the joint if I hit hard enough in the right place.

It was a lot like when Nikki broke that guy’s kneecap.

A flash of me squatting behind a dumpster and seeing a pistol sliding toward me shot across my mind. Nikki poked him, made him scream. The smooth wet feel of his face when I stroked his cheek while he denied raping me. The sound of his throat popping when I… when I…

Nausea overwhelmed me and I could feel my heart pumping at twice its normal pace. I turned off the water to the bathtub and barely made it to the toilet before dry heaving.

“Kai?” Nikki called from the bedroom door as my stomach continued in its attempt to exit my body as painfully as possible.

My face was flushed and hot, my throat hurt, and my abdomen was killing me, but still I heaved on.

“Kai, what happened?” she said with a worried tone in her voice.

When she touched my shoulder the convulsions stopped. Reflexively I flushed the toilet even though nothing had come out since the last time I flushed.

“I killed him,” I gasped between breaths.

She kneeled down beside me and pulled my head under her chin. “Yes, you did.”

Tears were trailing down my cheeks and I couldn’t calm down. “I didn’t… I didn’t even care.”

“Kai, listen to me.” Nikki pulled away from me and got me to look her in the eyes. “Did you recognize him? Did he rape you?”

I closed my eyes and squeezed them tight, nodding before I choked out a sob. We sat there for I don’t know how long as she petted my hair and whispered soothing things I couldn’t really hear.

“Nichole? Kai? Are you two in here?” It was Akio, Nikki’s dad. I really didn’t want him to see me like this, but before I could say anything, Nikki saved me.

“Daddy, don’t come in. Kai is in the bath, we’ll be down later, okay?”

“Is everything okay?” he asked curiously.

“Everything’s fine Daddy.”

“Alright, I’ll have Maria keep your dinners warm. Take your time.”

“Thank you,” Nikki answered.

I was still shaking when she pulled me up. “Come on we need to get you into the bath.”

Undressing me while I was clinging to her probably wasn’t the easiest of tasks, but then again I was only wearing my bra and panties at the moment. She guided me to the tub and I stepped in, but I still didn’t want to let her go. Nikki compromised with me by holding my hand while I soaked.

As long as she was touching me I was okay, but the second she let go I was a mess again. Being pathetic isn’t normally in my emotional makeup. I’d grown up being reliant on one of two people: myself and Sarah. We were always there for one another when things got bad. When we were together, nothing stood in our way. Now, she was gone and I had to rely on other people, the Oshiro’s were those people.

As ridiculous as it sounded, Akio had saved me from the evil clutches of an insane doctor bent on achieving scientific immortality. He had also saved me from a lifetime of ‘well-meaning’ psychiatrists and medical experiments.

Nikki had saved me from either being kidnapped again or winding up with a severe case of death.

I owed them both so much and there I was being comforted, in the bathtub of all places. They had to be paid back. I knew how the world worked. Nobody does anything for nothing. Nikki openly admitted that she was guarding me so that she could make a name for herself with the Marshal’s service. What she said she was going to do, she did, nothing more nothing less. So my problem was, how did I pay them back?

They weren’t in need of money. I had no idea how wealthy they were, but if the mansion was any indication of their family wealth then they were packing some serious cash. The only thing I had left of any value was myself and what I could do for them. My talents? Well, obviously I’m good with languages, but I really couldn’t see how that would help them. I’d ask, but it was unlikely that would come in handy unless Akio was pressed into foreign service.

They could obviously take care of themselves; both were cops and well trained ones at that. So I can’t use my self defense knowledge in any way, even if I was to get the body I currently occupied into decent shape.

Sex was out. Although I was secure enough with my absent masculinity to recognize that Akio was very handsome for his age, I knew I wouldn’t be able to perform for any male. Even setting my male heterosexuality aside, I was a mess from the abuse I suffered at the hands of the evil doctor. The last three months of my existence in their care, was living with the knowledge that every time I woke up in the morning I could expect my bed to be occupied with a male.

They had successfully genetically transformed me into a girl with all the proper plumbing. They wanted to see if it worked properly by getting me pregnant. It had to be the old fashion way as well. Everything had to be perfect for them. So twenty-three days out of the month, for three months, I was raped twice a day. I think you might see the reason that I really don’t like men… except for Akio, and not in that way.

Now, Nikki, on the other hand.

“Ready to get out, Kai?”

I nodded and leaned forward to unplug the drain. She still held my hand throughout my rinsing and drying. Sometimes she would shift her hands to my shoulders so that I could put on my underwear.

No, I had no sense of embarrassment when it came to being nude in front of anyone. That was long since a subject of the distant past. It was just another state of being for me.

“Did you want to wear something nice, or maybe put some makeup one?”

I blinked at Nikki and decided that was one of the ways that I could pay her back. By not being a pain in her butt. So I nodded. Her hand slid down my arm and her fingers laced with mine. With a genuine smile to my shy return she led me to my closet and gave me a white sleeveless top to put on as she rested her hands on my hips.

Regardless of my ability of not being shy, the feeling of having Nikki standing in front of me in such a way was very intimate. She watched me with approval as I buttoned it up. The blouse was fairly form fitting, tucking in neatly at my trim waist and flaring out at the bottom to conform to my hips.

We returned to the bedroom and she withdrew a pair of red shorts. This time Nikki moved around behind me to rest her hand on the small of my back while I stepped into them. With a slight breath to steel my will I led the way over to the makeup table. The smile from Nikki was all the reward I needed to feel better.

“I forgot my chair. Will you be okay for a second while I get it?”

I swallowed and nodded, but when she stopped touching me, I started shaking again. I didn’t break down and cry or anything. My hands trembled which in turn led up my arms and down my back before she set the chair down next to mine and then placed her hands on my bare upper arms.

A rush of air exited my lungs. My voice shuttered when I apologized. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why…”

“Shh, I do.” She sat down, looking me seriously in the eye. “You’ve been through a serious trauma, Kai. You obviously feel safe with me when I touch you. I don’t consider giving you comfort to be an inconvenience.”

As she needed both hands to work, we faced each other in the chairs and she spread her legs for me to wiggle in between so that her inner thighs were brushing the outside of mine.

“It’ll be night time when we go out, so I’m going to darken your make up just a little. You’re wearing white so it doesn’t have to be too much in contrast, see?”


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