Lilith Langtree’s – Chaos Magic

TG Fiction – Nothing is True and Everything is Permitted

Alexis (Another abandoned story)

Okay, here’s another one that is unfinished, and will stay unfinished, but is up for adoption if you want it. Ame rules apply.

The reason this one is abandoned is because I got disgusted with it and realized I was just rambling away at the point it stopped. I also realized that I had no real goal except for the “everyday living” story, which I am tired of. I like conflict in my stories and the lack of it shows. Anyway, this one had a working title of Alexis.


Have you ever had one of those nightmares where you can swear that everything you experienced was real? Maybe it was the kind where you and your best friend that you’ve known forever were in a teen nightclub, squirreled away in the corner. You wanted to ask her to dance but because you’ve known her since you were babies and your parents were best friends with hers, you didn’t want to screw the pooch and make an ass out of yourself? Maybe, in that very same nightmare, the kitchen in that very same club had a gas leak. Maybe it ignited and blew up half the club.

Maybe you saw that your best friend was unconscious, maybe dead, and you had to drag her to safety. Maybe right when you made sure she was outside and the paramedics took her, you realized that your chest was bleeding. A lot of maybes, right? Two more, then I promise I’ll stop.

Maybe you pop the buttons on your shirt to discover that there was a piece of metal sticking out of your chest. Maybe it was then that you died.


I swear it was a nightmare. I knew it the moment that I woke up in bed covered in sweat. It was so incredibly real. The smell of smoke, and burning bodies was still fresh in my mind. What I wasn’t sure about was if I was still dreaming or not.

The room I was in was my best friend’s, Alexis. Don’t let her hear about me calling her that. She prefers Nikki, or even Nichole as a last resort. She always hated her first name so she used her middle name instead. There were so many times I had to listen to her curse her mother for naming us alike. I’m Alex, Alex Nicholas. Funny, right? That’s what happens when two cheerleaders insist on going through high school together, college together, insist on living next door to one another, and getting pregnant together. Well, not exactly together, not at the same time, anyway. Two weeks apart, but they planed it. I swear.

My mom even went so far as to have the doctor induce labor when she found out that Nikki’s mom went into labor. As a result, Nikki and I have the same birthday, born ten hours and thirty-nine minutes apart. I barely made it, according to my mom. Dad makes so many jokes about how mom was bound and determined to squeeze me out as if the fate of the world was balancing on that particular event.

Where was I? Oh, right, Nikki’s room. That was really strange. I mean, we used to spend the night at each other’s house when we were growing up, but ever since Nikki started getting boobs, that tradition ended.

I didn’t understand it at first, well not even a year later, until I started growing hairs where there were none before. Then I got it real well. That’s when my life started becoming a lot more complicated.

See, Nikki has a really, really, really bad self-esteem problem. She hates her body, always thinking she was too fat. When she lost her baby teeth the adult ones grew in crooked, so she got braces. Her hair was a mousy brown, straight, flat, and lifeless. She always wore sweats that were way too big on her. When she sneezed, she would make the highest pitch ‘choo’ sound like five times in a row. And last but certainly not least she had, according to her, the worst laugh.

What she didn’t realize was that I thought she was perfect. I can’t stand girls that are rail thin, and she wasn’t lard-o fat in the least. I liked her hair. It was really soft and always smelled really good. The braces thing sucked, but I knew they would be coming off at the end of the month, so that was already corrected. And I thought the way she sneezed was the cutest thing in the world. “Choo, choo, choo, choo, choo.” It brought a smile to my face whenever I heard it. Her face would wrinkle up and she’d hold the back of her fingers against her nose.

Two things made me fall in love with her, above all else. The first was her laugh. It was so full of life. There was no teensy giggling, or chuckling. It was a full blown screaming laugh every time. That and her eyes. They were the prettiest fluctuation of hazel/green/gray that I had ever seen. If she would let me, I would probably just stare at her eyes all day.

Yeah, I’m crushing big time. She was my best friend and maybe one day she’d be my girlfriend. That is if I could ever get the nerve to tell her how I felt. I’m such a coward.

God, there I go again, off with the pixies, as my mom always calls it. I’m her ‘little dreamer’. Annoying, right? She was a cheerleader, what can you do?

Anyway, Nikki’s room. What the heck was I doing waking up in there?

The pounding in my head made me not want to open my eyes again, but the pressure in my bladder told me I didn’t have a choice if I didn’t want to ruin Nikki’s bed. Keeping my eyes closed, I pulled my arm out from under the pillow and tried to wake it up. Don’t ask.

Fine, drag it out of me. I always slept weird, with my arm under my head, where it cuts the circulation off. I always wake up with one dead arm. While I waited until the pins and needles thing ran its course I noticed certain things felt off. My legs were kind of itchy. I rubbed them together and they scratched against each other.

I frowned.

Reaching under the covers I went to rub my inner thighs were it felt the weirdest and for some reason I found that my leg hair was gone, and someone had replaced it with stubble.

Hey, I was a seventeen year old guy, I could kind of shave. I knew what stubble felt like, sort of.

Shifting in bed, my whole body moved like it wasn’t supposed to move. Things were there that weren’t there before I fell asleep. My eyes snapped open as I lifted the sheets up to see what was wrong.

Everything stopped in my little world. My breathing, any noise I could make in my throat, the birds stopped singing outside Nikki’s window. Then the world went on fast forward.

Faster than I could blink, my hands went to my chest. Oh god, they were real.

I may have bit my lip too hard, because I could taste a hint of blood in my mouth. Slowly, I released my injured lower lip and a breath shuttered out of me, along with a girlish sound of disbelief. Covering my mouth a split-second later, I stifled a panicked scream. Yep, that was definitely a girl’s scream.


This time I didn’t bother with the whole hand covering my mouth thing, because when I turned to see who called out my name, there was Nikki, sitting on the bed. The only thing about it was that she wasn’t exactly all there.

I rolled to the side and fell out of bed. Luckily, I landed on all fours, but unluckily the bed was very tall and the sudden jarring of those tremendous mounds on my chest hurt!

“Shhh! Be quiet! Mom’ll hear.”

The something that looked like Nikki, jumped off the bed and ran around to where I was scrambling.

Spinning around, I fell onto my butt and pushed away, until I was nestled into the corner. “Go away, this is a nightmare. I’m still asleep. Wake up!”

The thing that looked like Nikki shushed me again. “You gotta be quiet, Alex. Give me a chance to explain.”

My hands clenched into fists, digging my nails into the palms. Oww! Opening them, I glared at the fingertips. Some of the nails were long, definitely longer than I remember mine, just the night before, while others were jagged and broken. I glanced back up at the Nikki thing. She was dressed like my best friend was at the club last night, but she was dirty. Her face was smudged,  clothes black in places, but the worst thing was that she was transparent. I could clearly see through her at the bed. This had to be a nightmare.

“Listen up, Alex Nicholas.” She only called me that when she was mad at me. A natural reaction to her anger was to freeze in place. “We were at the club on Friday. There was a gas leak and it blew up. You managed to drag me out the front door. I was dead, but the paramedics revived me. You saved my life, but…”

I blinked rapidly. My jaw quivered.

“They don’t know how you did it.” Transparent Nikki swallowed, with a pained look on her face. “Something from the club stabbed you in the back… all the way through. Alex… you died.”

“No, you’re wrong,” I whispered.

Her eyes widened and she gave me her, ‘are you stupid’ look. “Okay then. How do you explain being in my body? Hmm?”

I was afraid to look down, but I did anyway. My knees were tucked up under my chin. Well, they would be if the gargantuan breasts weren’t in the way. “Your boobs aren’t this big. That’s how I know.”

Her mouth opened a little and she rolled her eyes. “Yes they are. Why do you think I always wear baggy clothes and tight sports bras?” She turned around and pointed at her dresser mirror. “Go ahead, look for yourself.”

“No.” Okay, I was scared spitless.

Nikki’s anger went away and a look of compassion fell upon her face. She kneeled beside me and moved into my line of sight. “You chose this, Alex. Come on, you have to remember something.”

“I what?”

She sighed and then sat back. “Look, you’re going to have to believe me. This is going to sound really weird.”

I almost laughed. “Weirder than having these?”  I said as I pointed at my chest.

An eyebrow quirked up and she shrugged. “Okay, look. When I died, in the club, I popped out of my body. I watched you grab my arms and drag out. Which, by the way, thanks. You were great.” She smiled at me like I’ve always wanted her to, lovingly. “The paramedics took me and started doing CPR, needles, those electro-paddle things, but in the meantime you were standing there.”

I grasped my hands together while I was listening to her story.

“I waited looking at my body and back at you, hoping that they could get my heart restarted. Then you got a weird look on your face and started opening up your shirt.”

The dream. I remember that part. “I was bleeding.”

Nikki nodded. “You remember?”

Nodding slowly. “I remember dying.”

“Yeah. The second you hit the ground, you did the same thing as me. You popped out and were standing right next to me.”

I shook my head. “I don’t remember that.”

She nodded. “Fine, I’ll tell you what happened. But first you have to start getting dressed. Mom will be up here doing her whole concerned mother thing again, and I’m getting really sick of it.”

It was then that my body reminded me that I needed to do something. “I gotta pee.”

That stopped Nikki right in her tracks. “Oh, right.” She took a resolving breath. “Well, let’s get this over with. You’ve got a lot to learn. Might as well start with the basics.”

Impending dread welled up inside as I awkwardly stood. I swear the tugging on my chest was making me think that I had fifteen pound weights attached in the form of… never mind. If I actually called them by their proper name then that means I’ve accepted this, and for right now I was still hoping this was just a really realistic dream.

“Grab your robe off of the chair. You’ve got a teenage brother now, and he loves trying to see me naked, the little perv.”

The robe relieved the naked feeling I was going through, but the way that the shiny fabric was sliding across my body was making me really self-conscious. “Is it supposed to be this short?”

She smirked at me. “Yes, it’s a perfect fit.” Pointing at the dresser she said, “Open this drawer here.”

I tied off the accompanying belt and did as she told me. It was her panty drawer. Oh wow. I always wanted to see this. No man’s land. Forbidden territory. Girls panties. Oh crap.

“Get the blue boy shorts. I think that’s about your speed for now. We’ll work up to the other stuff later.” She snapped her finger. “Come on. Mom’ll be up here any second if she doesn’t hear you moving around from downstairs. Open the drawer next to it.”

I grabbed the indicated panties and opened the other drawer.

“Matching sports bra… come on,” she said with some encouragement. “Now close the drawers. We’re not barbarians.”

Nikki walked me through one of the most embarrassing times of my life: peeing and the proper way to wipe after, showering, which I thought I knew how to do, but apparently girls do that different too, wrapping my hair up in that stupid towel turban, brushing with braces, applying body lotion. When I was layering it over my legs, she bent over and noticed the stubble that was bugging me in bed.

“We’ll, deal with that tonight.” That was ominous.

I pulled on the panties, and donned the sports bra. Oh god, much better, although it was kind of tight.

“I think it’s time for another fitting. When are those things going to stop growing?”

I blinked into the mirror as I looked at the squished boobs. “They’re still growing? How big are they?”

She shrugged in an annoyed way. “Last measurement was thirty-four Dee cup, that was about eight or nine months ago. I swear, I’m getting mom back for these stupid genes… well, I guess that’s your job now.” Nikki looked sad at that thought, but she shook it off. “Okay, come on. Get your robe. Back to your room.”

I opened the door and there was Nikki’s little brother leaning up against the wall, ogling me. I jumped, startled, and grabbed at my neck to close the robe even further.

“Who were you talking to in there?”

I glared at him. “None of your business, pervert. And quit spying on me.”

“Whatever.” He brushed past me, into the bathroom and closed the door.

“Told ya.”

Safely ensconced in Nikki’s room, I followed her over to the walk in closet. “It’s supposed to be hot today. Grab that tank and that blouse. Oh and lose the robe, come on. Breakfast is going to get cold.”

I hung the robe on an empty hanger and slipped on the tank top, which didn’t quite make it to my navel. “I think it shrunk.”

Nikki shook her head. “That’s the way it’s supposed to fit. Remember hot today. Now the blouse.”

It was like a half shirt with long tails in the front.

“Button the bottom two and then tie it into a knot under your breasts.”

I flinched when she reminded me about the flesh-like watermelons on my chest.

“Embrace it Alex. The sooner you do, the sooner you can accept your new life.”

I glared at her. “You aren’t the one with all the new equipment here, Alexis,” I snapped back. Whoops. It happens when I get mad at her. I call her by her hated name.

Nikki balled up her hands and set them on her hips, while she gave me murderous eyes. She pursed her lips and then sighed, visibly trying to control her anger. “Okay, I guess I deserved that. Look, I’m trying to help you out here, Alex. I can’t stay here with you forever. They’re only giving me a month.”

“Who? Who’s they?”

She winced. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. Crap. I can’t tell. It’s against the rules. Suffice it to say that I’m here to help you through the rough parts. Nobody can know that you’re really Alex in there. As far as anyone knows, you died outside the club saving me. Now tie off the ends and put these capris on.”

I dried my hair, with Nikki’s supervision and then slipped on her selection of simple sandals. Thank god I didn’t have to wear heels or anything stupid like that.

Having virtually grown up half my life in Nikki’s house, I knew my way around very well. Mr. and Mrs. Bradbury were literally like a second set of parents. I called them Mom and Dad just like Nikki did with my parents, so it was with no difficulty that I did so again that morning.

“Morning Mom.”

She grabbed me into a furious hug, smushing the things on my chest even more.

“Oh, my god. When is she going to stop doing that?”

I eyed Nikki over her mother’s shoulder, rolling her eyes. “She’s been like this for the last three days. Every time I turn around. She won’t let me out of her sight if I leave the house.”

“Morning sweetie. Did you sleep well?”

Nikki jumped in. “Tell her you did, quick.”

I nodded when she released me. “Yeah. Fine.”

“No more nightmares?”

Well, yeah. Big one this morning. “No, if I did then I don’t remember.”

She smiled. “Doctor Barrington said that it was perfectly normal, under the circumstances. Don’t be afraid to tell me if you did. We can go see him today if you want.”

A quick flick of the eyes to Nikki and she answered my unasked question. “He’s your shrink. Mom insisted that I get therapy.”

“Uh, no. I’m cool.”

She cupped my cheek and brushed an errant hair behind my ear. “You’re so brave. My little angel.”

Oh brother. “What’s for breakfast?”

She smiled at me. “Your usual. Cup of oatmeal and half a grapefruit.”

Ugh. Mom turned around to finish up stirring the oatmeal while I gave Nikki the hairy eyeball.

“I’ve been dieting.” Turning around and heading to the table, I whispered, “When aren’t you dieting?”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “You’ll soon find out exactly how hard it is to be thin.”

“Nikki, you’re perfect as it is. Did you see the girl in the mirror this morning?”

“Did you say something sweetie?” Mom asked.


“Tell her you need some new bras.”

“Do you think I could get some new bras. The ones I have are too small.”

Mom’s eyes widened. “Again?”

I shrugged.

She brought over a really small bowl of oatmeal and a saucer with a funky spoon on it. “You remember what the sales lady said last time. If you got any bigger, they’d have to special order the extended cup sizes.”

Maybe it was the whole being a girl thing, but I almost lost it. “It’s not like I asked to have gigantic breasts! God!”

Mom flinched away from me. My eyes started to burn and I felt my throat tighten. I had to get away, back to the safety of Nikki’s room. Pushing away from the table I ran to the stairs and lost one of my sandals along the way. Halfway up I kicked the other one off and made a mad dash to the room before slamming the door.

Before I knew it, I was on top of the unmade bed crying into the pillow.


“You have to remember that you’re a girl now.”

I scowled at Nikki. “Kind of hard to forget, hello.”

She ignored my barb. “You’ve got whole different types of hormones running through your body. It’s going to make you a lot more emotional.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“And you did ask for this, just so you’ll know.”

Nikki was lying beside me, her head on the pillow next to me while we faced each other. “You’re not kidding are you?”

Her lips thinned in a regretful smile. “Nope. You ready to hear the rest of the story?”

I nodded.

She swallowed and then stared right into my eyes. “There we were, standing over our bodies.”

How weird must that have been?

“The paramedics where zapping me in the chest so nobody saw you fall at first. Something happened, which I can’t tell you about.”

She slapped her head. “That’s why you can’t remember! Duh!”

Knowing she wasn’t going to tell me what it was I just gave her an arched eyebrow.

“Sorry, I know it’s got to be a pain in the butt. Anyway, I have to move on. Remember the month time limit? So, you were given the choice to move on with me or go back. At first you said you weren’t going anywhere without me, which was sweet, by the way.”

My face started heating up with embarrassment. “Oh my god, I’m so cute when I blush. You never told me that.”

Ignoring the way my ears were joining in the party I waved my hand for her to continue.

“I didn’t want our parents to be totally heartbroken. I mean losing both of us at the same time like that…” She sighed. “So I told you to go back. I was reminded that you’d have to take my body since yours was too hurt at the time. So I let you make the choice.”

“And I said yes?”

She nodded. “You did manage to talk…” she growled in frustration. “You said that I had to come along for a little while so that you would know what to do. Not being a girl and all. So here I am… for a month… well, minus three days anyway.”

I let that settle into my head for a minute or so before asking my next question. “So once I make sure everyone is over my death, in a month, then I get to come with you?”

Her face changed right then. She was content. I’ve seen it a number of times, so I’d know. Reaching out her hand, I felt a cool brush of air along my cheek. “You’ll go on, Alex. You’ll live your life like you were supposed to.”


“No buts, mister. You saved my life, maybe killing yourself in the process. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. So, you get to live your life. It’ll be a little different, well, a lot different, but still.”

I shook my head. “Why can’t you take it back? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Because it’s my choice.”

“But it’s your body.”

“It’s still my choice, and I choose to give you the same thing that you wanted to give me, to do the same thing that you did for me. I love you, Alex. How can you take that away from me?” Nikki wasn’t accusatory toward me; she genuinely wanted to know why I would do something for her and not allow her the chance to do something for me right back. “Who would you prefer living, you or me.”

“You.” I didn’t even have to think about that.

“Exactly. So I choose you.”

Our philosophical argument would have to wait for a moment because the bedroom door opened after a very light knock. “Nikki?”

I turned over and looked at Nikki’s mom. “Yeah?”

She entered and very tentatively walked over to sit on the bed next to me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said to come out like I was blaming you for growing up.”

Her eyes were red. I could tell that she’d been crying too.

“It’s my side of the family’s fault anyway. Bad boob genes.”

I sat up and gave in to the overwhelming desire to hug her. “I’m sorry too, Mom. I’m just…”

She engulfed me and rubbed my back. “I know, sweetie. We’re all overly emotional right now. Death does that.”

I sniffed and rubbed at my nose. She didn’t know the half of it.

“Why don’t you go splash some water on your face. We’ll go to the mall to get you fitted properly so they can order you up some new bras, okay?”

“Score!” Nikki said as she pumped her fist in the air. “Now’s a great time to hit her up for some new outfits too.” I scowled at her before Mom pulled away.

She looked down at me. “Have you lost some more weight?”

“Yes you have. Seven more pounds,” Nikki confirmed.

I nodded.

Mom looked like she was going to say something negative, but held back. “We might as well do a little shopping. Summer’s almost here, and I don’t want you looking all frumpy anymore.”


I’m not going to go through that whole short shopping spree that resulted in two outfits, and an order for six bras. According to the sales lady at the Hanes outlet store, I was now a thirty-six F-cup of which they had one on hand. So, now I was sporting an actual bra that lifted, separated, and put on display to the entire world that I was sporting teenage fun bags. What else would you call them? Breasts just aren’t normally this big. But they did feel a heck of a lot better than the tight sports bra I was wearing before.

I was almost comfortable.

When we got back to the house, there was a note on the door from my real mom, saying that she wanted to talk to me when I had time.

“You feel like talking to her? I could call her if you want and tell her …”

I shook my head. “No, I want to. It’s cool.”

“You’re sure?” asked Mom.

I nodded. “Would you mind dropping my bag off in my room?”

She leaned over and kissed my cheek. “If it gets to be too much just come straight home. I know that house holds a lot of memories for you.”

“I’ll be fine, Mom.”

On the way next door, Nikki caught up to me. “You sure you want to do this. You’re mom is not in the best of conditions right now.”

“You’ve seen her?”

She nodded. “While you were still out of it, I could use your body or be a ghost whenever I wanted. Now I can only use it if you’re sleeping. I checked up on her and your dad… it’s not good.”

“Well, all the more reason to be here then.”

I was about to open the door when I thought it might be better to ring instead. You never know.

“I made the right choice.”

Glancing Nikki’s way for a second, I said, “About what?”

“You’re the better person. You should be the one that lives.”

“Nikki, you’re not a bad…” The door opened and ended the conversation.

“Nichole, hi.” Mom looked terrible. Her hair looked like she hadn’t washed it in days. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot doesn’t even begin to describe the redness in her eyes.

“Hi, Mom.” I fidgeted for a second before she stood back and let me enter.

“Thanks for coming over.”

I nodded. “No problem at all. You can call me anytime and I’ll drop whatever it is… ERP!”

More hugging.

It was obvious that she was putting on her good face when she opened the door, because it was back to weeping she went as she was trying to tell me something.

“You are the sweetest, and most caring girl in the world. No wonder Alex fell in love with you.”

My eyes bugged, and Nikki’s bugged right along with me. It might have comical if the situation wasn’t so sad. Nikki stood there all slack-jawed. So I had to cover the situation. “He told me on Friday.”

Mom pulled away, trying to smile. “He did? I was reading his diary…”

It’s not a diary, really. It’s a journal.

“… said that he couldn’t build up the courage.”

I bounce my eyes between Nikki and my Mom. Screw it, it’s not like I’m around, in my real body at least, to be embarrassed about it. “Let me make you some tea and we can talk about him if you want.”

Mom gushed and grinned so wide. “You wouldn’t mind? Curtis refuses to talk about Alex. It’s like he’s trying to forget about him already.”

I knew my dad. He was the atypical, show no emotions, let nothing ever bother you male. He was hurting, but he had to be the man. “I’m sure he’s just dealing with it in his own way, Mom. I know he loved Alex just as much as you did.”

Taking her hand I led her to the breakfast table while I fetched the tea and heated several cups worth of water. This was definitely going to take a while.

“Tell me about Friday.”

Straight to the point. I checked to make sure she was armed with a box of tissues before looking at Nikki. Her eyebrows were already up. “Yes, Alex, tell us about Friday.”

Maybe I could sneak some vodka in with the tea. That would make this a lot easier.

“Uh, well, we went to the club, but on the way over we stopped and got pizza.” Lie! You’re a big fat liar Alex Nicholas. Lying to your mother, bad boy… girl… whatever. “I wasn’t expecting to eat anything, but I knew something was up by the way he was acting.”

Mom was holding a tissue over her mouth and nose. Just holding it there.

“He held out my chair for me and I definitely knew something was up.”

Mom smiled a little. I could see her eyes crinkle up. “He must have been so nervous.”

“Anyway, uh, we ordered and then he spilled the beans.” My eyes ticked to Nikki who was leaning up against the wall, looking at me with rapt attention. “He told me how long that we’d been best friends and that he wanted to see if there was anything more that we might explore. Then he told me he loved me.”

It was awful. I know. I’m not a poet or anything. I suck.

“That’s awful. He was so poetic in his diary.”

I closed my eyes and thought about Nikki. “I fell in love with your eyes at first, I think. They change color in different lights. Did you know that? Or maybe when you wear something bright or dark. You never liked your weight, but I think you’re perfect. Who wants a girl that when you hug them it hurts because they’re boney? You smell so good, all the time. You’re my best friend, but it’s not enough, because I want to be around you even more than now. I want to wake up next to you and tell you how beautiful you are in the mornings so that you’ll be happy.”

I took a deep breath.

“I want to hold your hand and have all the guys around us be jealous because you’re with me. I see how much you don’t like things about yourself, Nikki. I want to be the one to tell you all the time how perfect you are, so that you won’t ever have to think bad about yourself again. I love you.”

Opening my eyes, I saw my mom looking at me in surprise. “That’s what he told me. It was just… personal.”

Tears were running down her face again, and I was too nervous to look at how Nikki was taking the news. The whistle to the kettle was starting to blow, so I excused myself.

“Is that how you really feel?”

I jumped and caught myself before spazzing out. “Yes,” I whispered.

“Oh god, Alex. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

I heard my mom blow her nose.

“Because I didn’t want to risk losing you if you didn’t feel the same way.”


We reminisced for a while about things that Nikki and I shared that Mom didn’t know about, things that I wanted her to know and never told her. Once we had that out of the way, she invited me to my old room. She was sure that I owned a few things from my previous visits and would want them back.

When we entered, I remembered that I’d made my bed that Friday morning, but it had been slept in since then. I didn’t realize how much my death had affected her. Dad wouldn’t be sleeping in my bed, so it had to be Mom.

Looking over at Nikki standing in the doorway, I could see the sympathy she felt for my Mom. “Um, do you mind if I use the bathroom?”

Mom shook her head and turned to me. “You don’t have to ask, Nikki. This is your home as much as it was Alex’s.”

On the way out I gestured for Nikki to come with me. Once we were in relative privacy I spilled. “I’ve got to tell her, Nikki.”

“Tell her what?” I could see that she already knew, but that she had to actually hear it from me.

“That I’m in here. That I’m actually alive,” I whispered. “This isn’t normal.”

“You can’t do that. It’s against the rules.”

“What rules?” I snapped. “Whose rules? You can’t tell me and I’ve had my mind wiped by someone or something. So those rules don’t apply to me.”


“Did I agree to not say anything?”

“Well, no, but…”

“But nothing. That’s my mother in my room, dying. I’ve never seen her so bad, even when she had that miscarriage and was told she couldn’t have any more children.”

Nikki looked back at the door for a second in silent contemplation. “I don’t know what…” she growled in frustration. “I don’t know what will happen. I have rules that I have to go by. I can’t break them, but I don’t know if you can, since you don’t remember anything.”

I made for the door. “I’m telling her. Maybe knowing that I’m alive, even if I’m a girl now… maybe it will do some good.”

She wouldn’t give me any ascent, and she’d tried to talk me out of it, so maybe Nikki wouldn’t get in too much trouble from whoever was in charge.

When I got back to the room, Mom was brushing her hand over some of my academic awards from school. She was so pale and worn looking. “Mom?”


“I need you to have a seat. I want to tell you something.”

She gave me a curious look, but sat on the bed. I’m sure I appeared really nervous and indecisive about where I wanted to start. So, Mom being Mom nudged me along. “Did you and Alex have sex? Is that what you want to tell me?”

My eyes bugged. “What? No.” Okay I can see where she might make that assumption. “No, this doesn’t have anything to do… well, it sorta does.” I shook my head and started over. “I want you to ask me something that only you and Alex knew about. Something that he wouldn’t tell me.”

Now she was confused. “Why would you want me to do that?”

“Humor me for a minute.”

She blinked and looked away for a minute until she could think of something that I wouldn’t share with Nikki, which in reality probably wasn’t much. “Okay, in your closet, behind stacks of several comic books…”

Oh god, not that!

“… is a gray box about this big.” She mimed a square about two feet apart. “What’s inside?”

I looked over at Nikki and her apparent interest. “How did you know about that?”

My face was heating up with embarrassment.

“As much as I trusted you two, a parent’s job is also to make sure that their child isn’t involved in anything illegal like drugs or whatnot.”

I facepalmed and tried to picture Mom going through my things in search of pot.

“What in the box, Alex?” Of course Nikki was really interested now.

“Women’s clothes, underwear, pantyhose.”

“Did you give them to Alex?”

I shook my head. “No, they’re obviously not my size. Alex was a lot bigger than me. He bought them with his allowance money.”

“You bought women’s clothes?” I glanced at Nikki’s confusion. “Why?”

“Ask me something else, Mom.”

Now she was looking at me with a little more than curiosity. “How did I find out about Alex being in love with you?”

Why is it that she can only thing of the mortifying things in my life? I sighed. “I was… Alex was practicing kissing with is pillow and you saw him.”

“Awww, that’s so cute,” replied Nikki. “Now tell me why you bought women’s underwear.”

Mom was kind of shocked. “He told you that?”

I shook my head. “One more. Just to prove my point, please.”

Mom’s eyes thinned like she was trying to figure out how I knew these embarrassing things. “Okay, what was the last website Alex visited before you two left Friday afternoon?”

Of course, the topper to the whole thing. By this time my face was beet red and my ears felt like they were going to exploded into flame. “A fiction website where people write stories.”

“What kind of fiction? What was the theme?”

My eyes ticked over to Nikki. “Transgender, crossdressing.”

Alright, I think Nikki has finally put all the pieces together. “You’re a trannie? Then why are you giving me such a hard time about having breasts!”

“Now tell me how you knew,” Mom demanded.

“Because I’m not Nikki.”

That wasn’t what she expected to hear.

“When Alex and Nikki died at the club, our souls got mixed up and I got sucked back into hers when the paramedics revived her.” There, that should do as a plausible story that didn’t implicate Nikki or the afterlife in anything but broad metaphysical terms.

“You’re saying that you’re Alex?”

I nodded, and she reached over for the phone laying on the bedside table. “Who are you calling?”

“Your mother. You obviously need to see your psychiatrist, Nikki.”

“Oh boy, here we go.” Complained Nikki. “This is why you don’t tell regular people about body swapping.

“Be quiet, you aren’t helping,” I snapped.

Mom, looked at me in surprise and then over to where I was staring. “Who are you talking to?”

“Nikki. She’s standing over there. Put the phone down, Mom. I’ll prove to you that I’m Alex.” I jumped up and went to my dresser and dropped to the floor in front of it. “Look.” I pulled out the bottom drawer all the way out and set it aside. Reaching into the hidden false bottom, I withdrew and handful of panties and dropped them to the floor.

Scooting over to the other side I did the same thing, but this time I withdrew a USB flash drive. “Here’s all the crossdressing stories I’ve ever written along with some downloads of my favorite authors.”

“Nikki, Alex could have shared those with you.”

I got to my feet. “Are you kidding. I was horrified of her ever finding out. It would kill any chance I ever had of getting together with her.”

I froze for a second. “Oh I know. Nikki go stand over there and tell me how many fingers she holds up behind her back.”

She waved me off. “That’s braking the rules. I can’t do that.”

Mom actually looked, but turned back to me when I growled at my best friend.

“She says it’s against the rules and won’t do it.”


I glared back at my mother. “What else can I do? Ask me something, anything. Oh, um, Nikki didn’t see you before we left on Friday. You were wearing your Cheap Trick concert t-shirt and black shorts that day, and Dad was grumbling about having to eat vegetable stew because you wanted to lose a little weight before our summer vacation.”

Her eyebrows jumped a little at that.

“Now why in the world would I ever tell Nikki about something like that?”

I almost cheered and probably would have jumped in the air if it weren’t for the fifty pound cantaloupes on my chest. She was starting to question herself!

“And… and.. Uh, come on, think!” I berated myself. Aha! “What about what I hear every Saturday about eleven at night when you thought I was asleep?”

Mom went into a little panic mode herself.

“Your name for Dad during those times is…”

“Stop!” Mom held her hand up. “It’s impossible.”

I shook my head. “Mom, I’m standing right here. Sure I’ve told Nikki about a lot of stuff, but you can’t think for a second I would tell her about things like this. That’s private family business.”

“But how?”

Leaning up against the dresser, I stuck my thumbs into my Capri’s. “I saved Nikki’s life. It was her time to move on, but it wasn’t my time. I’d hurt myself too badly getting her out of the club. They couldn’t use my body anymore so they stuck me in hers. I’m Alex, Mom.”

Seeing the hope on my mother’s face almost made my outting as a former crossdresser worth the embarrassment. The problem was that she used her brain too much. It kept fighting with her. I could tell she was trying to reason it out too much.

“What can I do to prove it to you?”

She stared at me for the longest time, but in the end she looked down, shaking her head. I pursed my lips and left the room. The annoyances on my chest bounced as I went down the stairs and into the kitchen to the utility room. After grabbing a large trash bag I headed back upstairs to my former room, and straight into the closet.

I moved the comic boxes to the side and pulled out my box of clothes. Flipping the top open I started to empty the contents into the bag.

“What are you doing?” Mom stood at my closet door staring down at me.

“I’m getting rid of anything that would make you and Dad ashamed of me. I don’t think Dad would take his son being a crossdresser very well. This way he doesn’t have to know.”

It really wasn’t that much. The nerve and guile it takes for a teenaged boy to go out and purchase his own girl clothes was enormous. That pretty much tells you how much I went out to buy panties, bras, and a couple of outfits for his imaginary ‘sister’. Buying them during Christmas season quelled the odd looks I’d receive, a little. Brothers just don’t buy underwear for their family. That was hidden under a totally  separate excuse for a separate trip. This one was a imaginary game of, Treasure Hunt or Truth or Dare.

‘Yes, miss. They dared me to go out and buy some girls underwear in my size in an attempt to embarrass me. Well, they’re going to lose this game.’

“Is there more?” she asked.

I shrugged. “A few things.” The semi-sad look on her face let me know that she really didn’t want any more bad revelations for the day. “Mom, I wasn’t a pervert. I just liked the way the clothes felt. It didn’t make me gay or anything.”

“Being gay doesn’t make someone a pervert.”

With a great sigh, I sat back on my heels. “But you’re disappointed in me all the same.”

“You could have…” She stopped and shook her head. “Alex could have come to me and told me about this.”

“Really?” I asked with some doubt in my voice. “Mom, I’m a crossdresser. Could you maybe share some makeup tips with me? You and I both know the stigma surrounding being different in this way. It’s perfectly fine for girls to dress however they want, but for a guy?”

I took another handful of clothes and stuffed them into the bag before standing up and moving a quilt aside to retrieve a pair of women’s shoes that I had barely worn. Nikki was sitting on the bed now, well within view of where I was standing, with a contemplative thought on her face.

That was it for the closet. I dragged the bag out into my former room, next to the bed. Opening up the draw to the nightstand, I withdrew a tube of hand lotion and dropped it into the bag.

“I used that to masturbate with, by the way.”

Mom’s face tightened. “Why are you doing this? Are you trying to hurt me on purpose?”

I shook my head. “No, not at all. I was hoping, that by telling you that I’m still alive, that you might not feel so bad. I might not be living with you anymore, but I’m still me inside here.” My breasts got in the way when I tried to tap my chest. “God these things are annoying. How do you stand it day after day?”

“They can be quite nice…” She stared at me and my reaction to touching myself. Her face paled even more than was usual since I had been back. “Alex?”

What? Being annoyed at wearing boobs was the tipping point for her believing me? She stepped forward, but caught herself at the last second and stopped.

“It’s me, Mom.” A small idea came to me. “Here’s something else. I don’t really feel comfortable with everyone calling me Nikki when I’m not really her. It’s kind of… disrespectful, I guess. Could you call me, Alexis?”

There, if that wasn’t proof beyond measure then I didn’t know what was. Nikki, really hated her first name. I mean really hated it. She actually had plans to have it changed legally when she reached eighteen. Nobody called her Alexis that didn’t want to feel her wrath.

Nikki had her own opinion on the subject. “I can’t believe you’re going to do that? I was named after a character on Dynasty, a really lame eighties soap opera. You suck.”

I glanced at her annoyed expression. “It’s your name, get over it.”

Mom’s head moved back and forth between the apparently empty bed and me. “Is she really…”

I nodded. “She said that can’t believe that I want to be called Alexis and that I suck.”

That was it. The final straw that broke Mom’s reality resolve. In the span of a second I was scooped up into her arms and squeezed so tight that my ribs hurt, not to mention my boobs. They were squished up against my mom’s and sorry, but that’s just gross.

“Mom, you’re hurting my boobs.”

She giggled and gave me one last squeeze before releasing me. Fresh, happy tears was trailing down her face this time. A genuine smile graced her face. I won’t go so far as to say that she looked good. The bags under her eyes and her splotchy face prevented that, but at least she was smiling again. I had the feeling that she was going to be alright.

Mom looked me up and down. “I swear that I can’t tell the difference. You look just like her.”

“I am her, Mom. This is her body. My soul or mind, whatever it was that made me who I was is inside here now.”

I think the weight of what I said finally leaked its way into her brain. She almost dropped to the bed and jerked her hand away when Nikki didn’t move out of the way fast enough. When my best friend touched me downstairs, it felt cool, temperature wise.

“Damn it!” Nikki swore. “She’s not suppose to touch me.”

I took advantage of the mistake as best as I could. “You just felt a cold spot, didn’t you.”

Mom snapped her head to me. “Was that…”

I nodded. “She’s standing right there, kind of ticked off too. There are rules that she’s supposed to follow. Not touching people that don’t know about the afterlife or whatever is one of them. You weren’t suppose to feel her.”

Mom ignore where I was pointing. “You’re really alive.”

I smiled. “Yeah. And I’m a girl.”

She took a breath and released it with a grin. “Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing. Your mother is a girl.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do. But shouldn’t you be happy? I mean with the …” She gestured to the bag and the clothes within.

“I’m a… I was a crossdresser. While I may have fantasized about what it might be like to be a girl on occasion, I didn’t actually want to be one. I was happy with who I was.”

“Alex, you might want to call Mom and let her know everything is okay. She’s probably worried.” I nodded to Nikki and reached for the phone and hit the speed dial.

“Hold on a sec. Nikki wants me to let her mom know that things are cool.”

Mom nodded and watched me.


“Hey Mom. Just wanted to let you know that Alex’s mom is doing better. I’m helping her go through his things in his room so I’ll be here for a little longer.”

“Are you sure you want to do that, Nikki? I don’t think she’d mind if you want to put it off for a while.”

“I’m cool, Mom. It’s giving us a chance to talk.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“I am.”

“Call me if you’re staying late, okay?”

“I will.”

“I love you sweetie. You’re being very strong.”

“I love you too.”


Nikki took off to go see what her mom was doing. I think she was just bored watching me and my Mom going through my room.

“So, you’re not going to disappear or anything are you?”

I snickered a little. “No, I think I’m here to stay, or at least as much as anyone is.”

She opened up a fourth garbage bag for my old clothes that I suggested she donate to charity along with the little bit of my girl clothes. “Have you made any plans for the future?”

I paused typing in my password for the hidden stories on the computer that I was going to erase. “Uh, no not really. I just woke up this morning.”

She turned to me. “But, who was at the funeral?”

“That was Nikki. She was covering for me until I woke up. Apparently she can enter me when I’m asleep.”

“Oh.” I was getting the feeling that Mom was a little overwhelmed with all of this metaphysical stuff. “Well, you need to think about what you plan on doing.”

After deleting several folders I turned around in the desk chair. “What do you mean?”

“You’re a girl now, Alex… Alexis.” She smiled at the name, just a little. “That means your worldview needs to change along with it. You’ll need to realize that women don’t act like men. You are going to be able to do things and not do things that men do.”

Oh, good point. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’m not near as strong as I used to be.” Looking down at my chest I rolled my eyes. “And these things are attention getters.”

She nodded. “You’ll need to find a clothing style that you are comfortable with. I know that Janice wasn’t always happy with Nikki covering herself up all the time.” Janice is Nikki’s mom, in case you haven’t figured that one out yet. “She took care of herself, but she wasn’t one to really be boy crazy.” At that statement, Mom smiled. “Have you given any thought to dating?”

My mouth dropped open. “Uh…”

“You’re a girl now. That means boys are going to be interested in you.”

“I think I’ll deal with that later, if you don’t mind.”

She nodded. “I’ll give you a week then we’re sitting down and having the talk. You can’t go to Janice since she’s already done this with Nikki.”


“Plus you’ll need to know what to do about your period. Do you have… what’s the matter?”

My face was frozen in fright. I hadn’t even thought about having a period.

She clicked on what I was currently freaking out about. “Alexis, it’s all very natural. It’s part of being a girl. Don’t worry, Janice said that Nikki always had light periods ever since she started on the pill.”


“Birth control pills. Nikki had irregular periods, sometimes skipping them all together. The pill helped regulate them, and it has the added benefit of  preventing pregnancy. But I’d hope when you decide to have sex that you’ll insist he wear a condom as well. STD’s are still out there.”

Sex with guys? “Mom, you said a week.”

She shrugged. “The conversation segued. Get used to it darling. Girls talk about sex just as much as guys, and you don’t want to look out of place with Nikki’s friends when you go back to school.” She looked up, hopefully. “You are still planning on going to State aren’t you?”

Frankly, I hadn’t really thought about it much. Nikki had a partial scholarship to the university about ten miles north of town. “Uh, I guess. I’m going to have to change majors though. All I know about Computer Science is located on my laptop. Nikki was the brain in that area.”

Mom nodded. “So, I’m guessing English major?”

“Yeah. I want to be a writer.”

“Well, if you need any help, for anything, you can always come to me.”

Sitting there thinking about everything she’d said over the last few minutes, I made a decision. “Nikki is staying around to help me, acclimate I guess, but she’s only going to be here for less than a month. Do you think you can help me with, maybe, girl stuff?”

Mom stopped folding a pair of jeans that I’d never worn before setting them down. “Of course. What do you want to know?”

I took a calming breath. “Like makeup, and maybe help me with some clothes, picking out stuff that won’t, you know…”

“Make you look like a slut?”


She giggled and walked over to me. “Stand up.” Following her directions I did as she asked. “Turn around for me.” After I made a full three-sixty, Mom nodded. “We can definitely do something to bring you out to the open. Maybe a color change with your hair, some more revealing, but not wild looking clothes. Oh, and we’ve got to get you out of those horrid sandals Nikki favored.”

Not knowing exactly what she had planned, I nodded. “Okay.”

“When do you get your braces out?”

“Um, this coming Monday.” Nikki couldn’t wait. She had the date boldly marked on a calendar in her room.

“We can go afterward and make a day of it if you want?”

I nodded. “That’d be great.”

“Ugh, maybe you can go get your nails done sometime before then and save us some time.”

Even I had to agree, my nails looked like crap. But that’s what happen when a club explodes with you in it. “I’ll see if I can talk, Mom into it. I’m sure she’d love to do something together. Nikki says she’s been really clingy since…”

Mom agreed. “She almost lost her daughter, and she did in a way. She’s got a right. I hope you never have to know what it feels like to bury your child, Alexis.” I didn’t mind when she hugged me again, and squished my boobs once more. “I thought I would die when the police came. There were times over the last three days that I actually wanted to.”

Patting her on the back, I said, “You don’t have to worry about that now. I’m still here, I’m just softer in all the wrong places.”

She pulled back and looked down at them. “They are pretty big aren’t they.”

“We went out to get me some new bras. They’re an F-cup if you can believe it.”

Mom shook her head in disbelief. “You better start doing some lower back exercises or you’re going to have problems when you get older. I’ll plan out a exercise routine and you can come to the gym with me, if you want.”

“Cool.” I actually looked forward to that. “Nikki relied on dieting and yoga. It’ll probably be better if I worked out. I don’t like not being as strong as I was.”


The following week was about as strange as I’d ever experienced before in my life. I’ve learned new things before; who hasn’t? Games, instruction manuals for assembling something, schoolwork, you know, the normal stuff. However, learning to be a girl was something altogether different. It wasn’t so much learning the correct way to walk or talk, since girls have socially evolved into more masculine roles over the decades; the sexes weren’t that much different now if you really looked at them. It was the little things.

Since girls were more aggressive nowadays, I had to be careful of how I treated boys. Innocent looks or touching could be misinterpreted as flirtation, speaking to someone new without a valid reason, the same. It was suppose to be safer to travel in packs for protection and to dissuade the more timid boys to keep their distance. The weird thing was that Nikki really didn’t hang around with other girls like that. She’s hung around with me. It was explained to me that I was the ‘boyfriend’ deterrent. People assumed that we were dating and that was just as good for keeping boys at bay.

“So, I was your boyfriend without benefits,” I deadpanned.

Nikki confirmed my conclusion with a nod. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“You suck.”

She shrugged. “Well, it’s your own fault for not asking me to be your girlfriend.”

“Would you have accepted?”

She nodded. “Yep.”

“Even though I liked to dress up in girls clothes?”

Her eyes sparkled. “Well, I didn’t know that until your mom busted you, so yeah.”

That made me a little inquisitive. “So, you wouldn’t if you had known?”

Nikki didn’t like to be on the defensive, so she turned my question around on me. “You still haven’t explained why you did that.”

With a sigh, I leaned back at the computer desk. Nikki made herself comfortable on her bed. “I just don’t see what the big deal is. They’re just clothes. It didn’t make me a girl or gay or anything.”

“Exactly, so why the big secret?”  I really hate the way she turns things around.

“Because they feel different, and there are more styles for girls. With guys, not so much.” I leaned forward and set my elbows on my knees. “I really like low rise jeans with the stretch denim. They aren’t all thick and bulky. They feel good, and they aren’t pushing in on my stomach. But for some reason it’s like they have breasts attached, because only girls can wear them. It’s stupid.”

She conceded that point. “Okay, I can see that. You make sense. But if comfort is the reason, then why the bras? Bras are not comfortable.”

I sat up and cupped mine. “This one is. I like it a lot better then those sports bars that you were wearing.”

She eyed me like I wasn’t taking her seriously. “Yeah, but you didn’t have breasts when you were Alex.”

Good point. I sighed. “They felt good for a different reason.”

“You mean a sexual reason.”

Shooting her a glare I shook my head. “I didn’t do it to masturbate. Ugh, you wouldn’t understand.”

Nikki sat up in the bed. “I’m trying to understand, but you won’t tell me anything.”

I just fell back into my chair. “Ugh. I’m just comfortable in women’s clothes. How hard is it to get? You know the feeling when you wake up in the morning and the air is crisp, but you are all warm and content under the covers.” At her nod, I flung a hand out. “That’s what it felt like for me. Clothes are not just clothes. Girls clothes are made totally different than guys and I’m not just talking about shape differences.”

She raised her hands in defeat. “Okay fine, you win.” She smirked as me for a second. “I would have liked to have seen you in a dress though.”

I shook my head. “That’s wasn’t a pretty sight. I liked the jeans and tops mostly, and I loved the panties.”

Her eyebrows rose a little. “Yeah, I saw how many weren’t plain old cotton.”

I shrugged. “The silky ones felt better.”

“I’ll have to agree with you there.” Her face was accepting of me. “Alex, I don’t think you’re a freak, I just didn’t understand, okay?”

“So you do now?”

Nikki shook her head. “Not really, but then again the point is moot, because you’re definitely wearing more than a few girl clothes now. You have the whole package, ovaries included.”

That brought on the annoyed look from me. “Yeah, thanks for the warning on that one.”

She rolled back on the bed and laughed her infectious laugh. “You should have seen the look on your face when you thought you broke something in the bathroom.”

I sighed. “Well when I wiped and found blood, what else was I supposed to think?”

“Your mom warned you about checking. It’s not my fault you didn’t check the calendar that’s hanging on the wall with the date clearly marked.”

She was teasing me, but it was still annoying. The cramping wasn’t that bad, or at least not as bad as I’ve heard my Mom complain about. A couple of Midol and I was pretty much just achy, kind of like when I’ve had a bad taco or something, except completely different. Aren’t you glad you have me to explain these experiences so well?

“Alexis, are you ready sweetie?”

Nikki scowled at me for that one. I’d gotten her mom to call me Alexis as well. Sorry, I’m just not a Nikki kind of person.

“Yeah, Mom.” I grabbed my purse and made out the bedroom door, almost racing down the stairs. While I had only worn braces for less than a week, they were annoying as hell. I can’t see how Nikki lasted for so long.

I told her about the makeover that I wanted and that my real Mom wanted to help. She was ecstatic that I worked a miracle and brought her best friend out of the deep depression she was in. But she did insist on coming along for the ride. Something told me that having the two of them together making me over was a very bad idea. They were high school cheerleaders, at one time, after all.


I was confusing myself with calling them both Mom in my head and seeing as how Janice was now my ‘Mom’ now, I tried to think of my birth mother as Cathy.

“It’s like you’re a new person, Cath.” Mom was really amazed at the turn-around that Cathy had made since my visit.

“Alexis gets all the credit.” She smiled at me through the rearview mirror. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m still devastated about what happened to Alex. But to Alexis, he’s her hero. He saved her life, giving up his in her place.”

We’d worked on a semi-cover story so that it wouldn’t look like Cathy was ‘over’ her son’s death so easily. So we built Alex up to be a tragic hero in everyone’s eyes.

“It would be wrong of me to let myself waste away for his sacrifice. So, I’m proud of him. It goes to show how much he cared about Alexis and I’m not going to tarnish that by destroying my own life.”

Mom blinked at her best friend. “That’s… very… um…”

I helped out. “Strong? Adult? Realistic?”

Mom turned her head to see me in the back seat of the Impala. “Thank you miss thesaurus.”

“No problem.”

Cathy glanced at me again. “Did you bring some magazines along with the looks you’re considering?”

I nodded. Nikki and I poured over fashion, hair style, and trend magazines for two days. I had a number of  pages marked with tons of sticky notes that they were going to look over while I was getting rid of the four pounds of metal in my mouth. While we obviously couldn’t afford a quarter of what I marked, it gave them an idea of the look I was trying to achieve.

I was almost horrified to find that hot pants and short shorts were back in style for this summer, along with ripped jeans, and body suits. The jeans I could live with, but everything else was made to expose the butt and a long line of flesh. The plus side, for evening wear, knee high and above the knee socks and stockings were back in. So, I didn’t have to freak about being dressed and nude at the same time.

Boyfriend blazers were still in, so that was a good thing, but seeing as how hot it was going to be during the summer, that was probably impractical. That didn’t mean that I could have some for the fall though.

I know, it sounds like I’ve gone over to the dark side and embraced being a girl. I’m just trying to keep in mind how much I wanted Nikki to wear some nicer things. She was embarrassed and disappointed at how her body looked. I wasn’t. I knew she was beautiful, and now I’m going to show her exactly how much. Seeing as she was viewing me as a sister or something like that now, she was less critical of me not wearing baggy, uncomplimentary clothes. Do as I say and not as I do, or something like that.


FREEDOM! My teeth are free! Straightened, cleaned, whitened, brightened, and polished. I was thinking about blinding everyone today with how white my teeth were. Excellent idea!

“You’re being goofy,” Nikki smirked as she sat in the seat next to me while my mom’s were driving us to the mall.

I could only smile back at her, since I’m sure that Mom’s could hear the tiniest peep from the back seat. I wondered if it was possible to blind a ghost with my teeth. Nikki just rolled her eyes.

When we get to the mall, Mom and Cathy each take one of my hands in theirs and we make a strange sight walking through the fairly empty food court. It was early and a weekday, so there weren’t that many people doing their shopping.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 11th, 2010 at 19:32 and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

11 Responses to “Alexis (Another abandoned story)”

  1. Great Sage
    23:53 on May 11th, 2010

    An intriguing concept – but yeah it was losing it a little towards the end.

  2. Lilith Langtree
    05:02 on May 12th, 2010

    Normally at this point I go back and delete the last 2000+ words and insert some kind of problem/conflict, but while I liked the original premise of the story, it just fell flat after the beginning.

  3. Great Sage
    17:12 on May 12th, 2010

    There are a couple of things which bugged me – one – F -Cups? Really? Jeez that’s like Pornstar/Stripper size! A ridiculous size – unless it is vitally important for the story I might suggest D cup as being plenty big enough with the implication they are growing bigger – maybe another couple of cups when she is older?

    The other was – why is the protagonist a cross dresser? it seems a little false to me. Both of these together set of alarm bells that this was a bit too close to being FM fodder – something I know you do not want 😀

  4. Lilith Langtree
    18:46 on May 12th, 2010

    There was a purpose for the F-cups or DDD, but F sounded more ominous. I was going to have running jokes, and problems associated with them. They weren’t for sexual exploitation. Eventually, she would have met someone, and before committing herself she would have asked him/her, “What color are my eyes?”

    He/she would have known and in Alexis’ mind that would have sealed the deal. (Not the only thing mind you, but the last of a series of fears she had, that he/she was only interested in her for sex and her breasts.)

    But, like I said before, there were a number of problems I had with this story. That’s why it’s abandoned.

    See, you get to actually take part and witness the crap I toss aside and what I actually post to BCTS to be somewhat proud of. Some people think I’m sitting on my laurels and am not doing anything or not writing, etc. I am writing, but it’s just crap. Then it get set aside while I move on to the next project.

    Just wait until you see what I have for tomorrow. I think you’ll truly be disappointed in me by that point. It’s the worst of the lot. I reached an all new low.

  5. Great Sage
    22:08 on May 14th, 2010

    LOL – For shame Lilith, for shame 😀

  6. Bruce
    15:33 on May 19th, 2010

    An intriguing concept – but yeah it was losing it a little towards the end.

  7. Steve
    06:34 on May 28th, 2010

    LOL – For shame Lilith, for shame 😀

  8. Joy Anne Phillip
    18:51 on May 29th, 2010

    Very interesting. I didn’t see “losing it” in there. There are going to be times in any story where there is exposition, or just plain “going to the bathroom” scenes that HAVE to happen. All of that was fine, IMO.

    I gotta say, after reading it all the way through, I don’t think that there is anyone who could do it justice besides you. Your “style” is impregnated in that story, all the way. I’d love to try, but I don’t think I could do it justice.

  9. Lilith Langtree
    20:04 on May 29th, 2010

    You’re more than welcome to try, Joy. I’m not going to do anymore with it, so if you can make something of it then more power to ya!

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