Lilith Langtree’s – Chaos Magic

TG Fiction – Nothing is True and Everything is Permitted

New story idea. Here’s the Intro.

Potty-mouth warning.


I had nothing left to lose. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

The fire that burned eternal in hell had absolutely nothing on the fire of creation. That infinitesimal moment, at the beginning of all that was, when God pointed his omnipotent finger at the void and uttered his words of creation. The phrase wasn’t ‘Let there be light,’ it was, ‘Fuck it, I’ve got nothing else better to do.’

It was that same fire that created the universe that was shoved through me. It wasn’t without cost. I would pay for my escape from my own personal hell, a place where I shouldn’t have been to begin with.

Being resurrected is a tricky thing. It doesn’t really happen all that often. Last time I remember someone actually leaving the mortal plane and returning was a little over two thousand years ago and that was with more than a little assistance from the guy upstairs. The reason everyone and their brother isn’t popping back and forth is because it takes a lot of power. You haven’t heard much from God since then, have you. Two thousand years is to him is like a weekend at Club Med, not enough to really recharge the batteries, but you could still get it up long enough to fuck the chick you picked up earlier when you were lounging on the beach.

There are turning points in history that some of the eternals are able to see, eternals being the god-crowd.

The thing is, they need representatives on Earth. Jesus, is God’s main guy. He’s still around, but he goes by Jesus instead. That’s (Hey-Zeus) for those of you that don’t speak Mexican. He runs a goat-taco stand in Chihuahua. Nastiest things I’ve ever eaten. The man can’t cook to save his life, but can he conjure up a barrel of the best red wine on the continent.

Lucifer’s boy is over in the Middle East at the moment, fucking around in the mountains of Pakistan. Jerk-off.  He was a nobody devil-worshiper resurrected around the mid-thirteen hundreds and had been partying ever since. His original birthday bash was one for the record books; remember the Black Plague?

Me? I’ve only been around about two years. When I died I was a devout Catholic. I said my prayers, went to confession weekly, fed the plate more than I had to when it came around, I was even given last fucking rites by a priest before I bit into the cherry tomato of death. Know what I got for it?

The fucking bureaucratic red tape of limbo.

Everyone goes there after they die, no matter what religion you subscribe to. You wait, and then wait some more. Then after a good long wait, you wait again. You stand around for so fucking long you start cursing anyone and anything you can think of. That used up all my brownie points I acquired on Earth, but it wasn’t quite enough to send me to Hell. So there I was, stuck in nowhere. That was until the Ouroboros came for me.

He, or she, I wasn’t really clear on the whole gender then where the Big O is concerned, told me that I was screwed. Even if I hadn’t cursed God and all his slack-dick angels I’d still be there for half of eternity. I could go to Hell if I wanted. They’d love the chance to have them some holy roller meat to corn-hole every conceivable chance they could. Or I could be His/Her representative on Earth. It was time to even the score a little between his cousins, see?

Ouroboros hangs around the ether, jacking off to succubus porn or something equally as senseless, and for a dragon-snake the size of the North American continent with no visible hands that’s quite a talent. He comes to me and says, ‘Drake, you’re my kind of guy.’ Of course, I hadn’t talked to anyone in close to ten years, so I was licking up any conversation with a spoon.

‘Be my rep,’ he says. ‘And you’ll have real power.’

I’m all uh-huh uh-huh.

All I have to do is keep the balance.

That’s what the Big O is all about, the balance. God had the good, Lucifer the bad and Big O the mid-ground.

See, here’s the thing. Ole Hey-Zeus could give a crap about the good. He got staked to a giant piece of wood two thousand years ago and has had an attitude ever since. He says he was suppose to come back, walk on some water, do a little time, and in a couple of years go to his eternal reward. Dumbass didn’t check the fine print. A couple of years to a thing that exists in all times at once is eternity.

So Hey-Zeus said, ‘Fuck it, I’m buying a goat-taco stand in Mexico, work your own shit out.’

He was around long enough to start his own religion, maybe you’ve heard about it. Then he bailed.

So the only thing good happening in the world is solely done by its mortal inhabitants. In other words the world is fucked.

Lucifer’s boy is all about the evil. He lives for the shit and never gets bored. So it’s up to me to put out the fires and keep the balance.

Oh, you want to know the seriously fucked up thing? Big O is all about balance, right? Well it turns out that I was a nice rich guy in New York when I got accidentally shot in a drive by. Big O says that I have to live my next life (i.e. this one) as something opposite in order to keep the balance. I figure I’ll probably be Black or Mexican, or maybe even Oriental.  Nope, I’m a fucking girl.

Oh yeah, that was hoot and a half, waking up to that shit.

Contrary to what’s in the Bible, you don’t get your own body back. You have to take the body of a person that is on the precipice of death, one that is taking in its last breath. Then its you that is exhaling. Except the body I was thrown in was being choked to death by some perverted fuck as he was banging a fetish hooker. He went too far and killed her.

So, there I am. Newly sucked out of Limbo and dropped into a two-hundred dollar a fuck whore in New York. An extra two hundred and you could choke her as you emptied your spooge inside.

By this time I was seriously pissed off and let the guy have it across the jaw.

Us Resurrects have well above average strength and we can’t be killed in conventional ways. This basically means that I snapped the guy’s neck with the punch.

Well that was my first good deed for the evening to even up the balance.

So, grab three fingers of your favorite rotgut and kick back while I figure out how to squeeze down two years of my new life as a Resurrect into a story that even those Hollywood limp-dicks couldn’t conceive of.


Okay, there is it. I wanted to create a character that would offend just about every person in existence.  An anti-hero for lack of a better term.  Interested?


This entry was posted on Friday, May 28th, 2010 at 20:54 and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

8 Responses to “New story idea. Here’s the Intro.”

  1. caffeinepg
    13:41 on May 29th, 2010


    I absolutely positively love the idea. *sits up and begs* More please 🙂 You had me interested with the first two sentences. Hooked with the first full paragraph. Swallowed the sinker shortly thereafter. If you and your muse decide to run with it I’ll be here to read it.

    V/r Jeff B.

  2. Joy Anne Phillip
    18:06 on May 29th, 2010

    Wow, that’s an interesting beginning, and I’d read the hell out of it. And love it. And recommend it. This looks to be an interesting ride.

  3. Lilith Langtree
    20:13 on May 29th, 2010

    I think I’m having a blast with this character so far. I wanted someone that everyone will absolutely hate, but can’t help but cheer on. I’m about 13 pages into the first chapter and I think I’ve written the word ‘fuck’ about fifty times, showed a little racism, burned down a condo with people still inside, and thought about giving a handjob to someone.

    Yeah, good times.

    I think it was the romance overload I was writing with P&P. Now apparently my evil side has lifted its annoyed head.

  4. Faraway
    01:46 on May 30th, 2010

    You have an evil side? Nonsense! You are just being prodded by Ouroboros right about now!

    So, questions:

    What are the unconventional ways then?

    Those same two years that were in the Hey-Zeus’ contract? 😉

  5. Faraway
    01:47 on May 30th, 2010

    Oops. I made a wrong one, so… The quotes for the questions.

    Us Resurrects have well above average strength and we can’t be killed in conventional ways.

    So, grab three fingers of your favorite rotgut and kick back while I figure out how to squeeze down two years of my new life as a Resurrect into a story that even those Hollywood limp-dicks couldn’t conceive of.

  6. Lilith Langtree
    06:09 on May 30th, 2010

    Th unconventional means, I can’t reveal as of yet. Plotting reasons.

    The same two years… maybe, probably. Not tellin’ 😀

  7. Lilith Langtree
    13:47 on June 2nd, 2010

    Here you go. The first part of the story.

  8. Great Sage
    16:39 on June 2nd, 2010

    Interesting idea, you do good stuff so I trust you to do right by us this time too.